The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Just some quick comments, the repitive use of "he" is annoying Done. I noticed some of your sentences are a couple words long and start with "he". The personal life section needs to be expanded. I'll give a full list of comments later JDOG555 (talk) 21:31, 25 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The lead for this article is good only 2 things I would consider changing or removing Lead seems pretty good, can't seem anything wrong with it
Disregard
"He has endured disciplinary issues that have necessitated transfers in both high school and college." Is this neccessary? Sounds kinda uneeded to me.
Unless you think it is misleading or POV it should remain, IMO. So much of the text describes the issues at Minnesota, that I can't see how you could summarize the article and not include at least that.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:22, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"His success at the college and professional level is highly anticipated." I would suggest removing this statement, too bias.
This is also a summary of points in the text: 1.) expected NBA first rounder 2.) Big 12 Preseason Newcomeer of the Year. Considering the specific prose it is summarizing, is it still biased?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:25, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Aside from his honors and championships, I don't know of any relevant highlights. He may have lead the Minneapolis City leagues in scoring or something, but I have no sources for that.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:29, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
First line "Born in Minneapolis," expand to something like "Born in Minneapolis, White went to DeLaSalle High School for his freshman to junior years. For his senior year, White went to Hopkins High School. Done
I just can't see how it is really relevant, if you decide to keep it I would suggest changing the wording for "beefed up" JDOG555 (talk) 02:12, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"During his time away from basketball, he learned to play the piano." Is this relevant or needed?
Most sports bios are considered devoid of non-sports content. This helps us round out his personality for the reader.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:50, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Rewrite "He transferred to Iowa State prior to using any of his athletic eligibility at Minnesota and applied to the NCAA for a waiver to be eligible to play during the 2010–11 NCAA Division I men's basketball season. The NCAA denied his waiver." to something like "He transferred to Iowa State prior to using any of his athletic eligibility at Minnesota and applied to the NCAA for a waiver to be eligible to play during the 2010–11 NCAA Division I men's basketball season, but his waiver was denied."
Move the reference for "Iowa State appealed the decision" at the end of the sentence
It belongs where it is. Refs preferably follow punctuation marks, not necessarily at the end of sentences. This is a ref for the first half of the sentence.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:53, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Well it said "While suspended from the team, he spent some of his extracurricular time on his music career." Add some details about his musical career maybe JDOG555 (talk) 02:14, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I have expanded that section as much as is reasonable given the currently available sources.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:37, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"His grandfather, who won a national intramural basketball championship, attended University of Minnesota with Winfield."
Who is his grandfather?
I added the name Frank. It seems like he may have been his legal guardian, but I have no sources.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:00, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I noticed alot of your references are from the statribune by the same author can you find references from other websites?
I actually added a few from the USA Today while you were reviewing the article. There is not much more written about him yet though.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:04, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Congratulations all of my issues have been addressed, your article is now a Good Article! JDOG555 (talk) 04:22, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.