Three men board the same plane at London Heathrow Airport, bound for Venice: Melvyn Orton, a shy and unassuming clerk with an assignment of purchasing a house in Venice under penalty of losing his job; Mike Lawton, a hitman en route to Venice to kill his next mark, and Lord Maurice Horton, a rather large man who is a bank manager and the mayor in a small city in the United Kingdom.
All three register at the Hotel Gabrielli, where the Italian bellboy has a poor command of English and becomes totally confused with the names Orton, Horton, and Lawton. All three are expecting messages: Maurice from a dating agency called Medi-Date, Melvyn from a local real estate agency about a villa, and Mike from the Mafia. The message for Melvyn is mistakenly delivered by the bellboy to Maurice, the message from Medi-Date about Maurice's date goes instead to Mike, and Melvyn unknowingly receives the notification of Mike's 'hit' which is a local mob boss.
At the villa, whose poor condition has been superficially hidden, Maurice meets Caroline Wright, who is in on a scam to sell the house quickly and her commission will be tripled if she gets the money in cash. Maurice is surprised when her sales talk gives him the impression that she is eager for sex. Mike follows Maurice's intended date, Patricia, but fails with his first attempt to kill her. Melvyn visits the house of Mr. Scarpa, a mafioso who knows he is being sought by a killer, and is taken prisoner and tortured to reveal the name of his boss.
Maurice takes Caroline out for lunch. Patricia, believing Mike is her date and a bit shy, engages him in conversation. Melvyn is allowed to call his boss in England to confirm his story, and Marshall thunders abuse at Melvyn and hangs up. Scarpa remarks that Melvyn is a worm to take such insults, but still thinks Melvyn and this "Mr. Marshall" want him dead. When they prepare to torture him, Melvyn remembers the man at his hotel with a similar last name: "Horton". Now suspecting Maurice as the assassin, Scarpa and his men head to the hotel, taking Melvyn with them.
Maurice has tried to make a move on Caroline, who makes him think she will only go along if he pays cash. Mike again prepares to kill Patricia, but again fails when disturbed. Melvyn makes a run for it, chased by Scarpa's men. Everyone returns to the hotel: Maurice and Caroline to have sex, Mike to figure out what to do with Patricia, and Melvyn to check out and run for his life.
Melvyn is trapped again by the mafiosi and taken to a room in the hotel. Mike and Patricia have clarified that she is not his mark and that Medi-Date is a legitimate company. Maurice, after having sex with Caroline, finds out she is not his date and he does not want to buy the villa. Maurice's wife arrives at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her to the room where Melvyn is being tortured again, but they quickly leave. Caroline is in Maurice's bathroom when Mrs. Horton arrives, having become suspicious that Maurice is in Venice with another woman. Joining them, Caroline gives Maurice's wife the impression that he is there to buy a villa, signalling to Maurice that she will keep their tryst secret if he pays her price.
Maurice arranges for the money to be transferred to him from the UK, a conversation overheard by Mike and the mafiosi. Mike and Patricia realize she was not the mark. Scarpa decides to kill both Horton and Orton.
Maurice receives the money, places it in a briefcase, and leaves it in the hotel safe. The mafiosi get an identical briefcase in which they hide a bomb, get Melvyn to deposit it in the hotel safe, and then break in and swap the identification tags on the two briefcases. Maurice takes his briefcase and leaves for the villa with Mike and the mafiosi in pursuit. Mike and Patricia try to steal the suitcase, and a struggle ensues between them, the Hortons, and Caroline over the money. Melvyn, sitting in a raft offshore, is ordered to set off the bomb by an impatient Mr. Scarpa, whose boat is sitting further offshore, unable to get any closer. As Melvyn tries to comply, one of Scarpa's henchmen realizes a horrifying mistake- he and another of Scarpa's men both swapped the tags on the briefcases. Realizing the bomb is on the boat, Scarpa screams at his men to throw the briefcase overboard and begins firing at Melvyn with a pistol. Scarpa is trying to stop him from setting off the bomb, but Melvyn assumes the Mafiosi have become impatient and are telling him to hurry up. The detonator finally works, and Scarpa's boat explodes and sinks.
Mike retreats to the Hotel Gabrielli in a panic. The organization he works for doesn't forgive mistakes, and given what has happened he now fears for his life. When the bellboy knocks on the door, Mike grabs him and holds him at gunpoint while Patricia reads the message from Mike's employer: given that his mark (actually Mr. Scarpa) and two of his top men were killed, he has been paid a generous bonus in addition to his original fee.
Melvyn calls Mr. Marshall and tricks him out of £355,000.00, the price for Mr. Scarpa's house in Venice. Mr. Marshall arrives at Scarpa's house sometime later, and Mr. Scarpa's men avenge their boss.
The epilogue states that Melvyn takes the money and runs for the Bahamas, where he sets up a sporting goods business specialising in testicle protectors. Caroline finally gets the speedboat she has long dreamed of owning, but it crashes due to faulty engineering and she cheerfully sues the boat's maker for all the money she can get. She later marries a sumo wrestler. The Hortons' villa falls apart and so does their marriage. The former Mrs. Horton soon finds a new and better husband, while Maurice is still looking for love. Mike and Patricia, having become very fond of each other in their time in Venice, decide to marry. Mike finally ends his career as an assassin, opening up a flower shop as he had long desired to do. Patricia goes on to represent Great Britain & Northern Ireland in the Olympics, having become exceptionally skilled with short-barrel firearms. And the bellboy eventually gets the sack.
The film received negative reviews from critics[3][4] and holds a 19% rating on Rotten Tomatoes based on 16 reviews.[5]
Box office
It opened in the United Kingdom on January 24, 1992, through Warner Bros., the then European theatrical partner of Buena Vista Pictures. It grossed £956,220 for the week from 262 screens, placing it second at the box office, behind JFK, which opened in the same week.[6] Elsewhere, the film was a box office flop.[7]
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