In June 2022, Harvatine IV announced that Hulu cancelled the series after two seasons.[4][5]
Premise
Crossing Swords follows "Patrick, a goodhearted peasant who lands a coveted squire position at the royal castle. His dream job quickly turns into a nightmare when he learns his beloved kingdom is run by a hornet's nest of horny monarchs, crooks and charlatans. Even worse, Patrick's valor made him the black sheep in his family, and now his criminal siblings have returned to make his life hell. War, murder, full frontal nudity—who knew brightly colored people led such exciting lives?"[6]
Patrick is a peasant lad who is bullied by his older siblings: Coral, a notorious pirate queen; Blarney, a successful clown; and Ruben, a dashing rogue. Patrick yearns to be a knight, though his parents belittle his dreams, and enters a jousting tournament held by the raucous King Merriman. He befriends the optimistic Broth who has failed eight years in a row and quickly forms a rivalry with a knight named Holden. In each round of competition, Patrick uses his experiences to help him succeed: tucking back his genitals to withstand low blows, exposing a trick from the magician Blinkerquartz, and lying to dissuade the sexually voracious Queen Tulip (though she is turned on by everything but simple refusal). But when Patrick realizes that he cannot win fairly in an unfair system, he gets fed up, calls everyone out on their morals, then uses a firework rocket in the joust to defeat Holden. Despite the rebuke and the blatant cheating, King Merriman accepts him as his squire nonetheless. Patrick returns home where his siblings mockingly tell him that they are in his life forever.
2
2
"Hot Tub Death Machine"
John Harvatine IV
Tom Root
June 12, 2020 (2020-06-12)
On the squires' first training with Sgt. Meghan, Patrick refuses to kill and eat fairies and is hazed. King Merriman asks Patrick for advice on how to bring his polls up and Patrick inadvertently gives him the idea of holding a public execution using a complicated machine. The squires, minus Patrick, are taken to Naked Lady Island by Meghan, only to find out that it is a training exercise to fight a Medusa. Ruben and Coral learn of the execution and try to have their names be offered up as a way of getting recognition. Patrick is forced to pick a criminal to be executed all while being mocked by Sprinkles, the fairy he spared. Patrick eventually settles on executing a prisoner named Charles Reinhold, only for him to be revealed to be Robin Hood who has given money to all the peasants. The execution machine is activated and Robin Hood is graphically killed. Sprinkles is killed as well, but not before revealing that he sold out his kind. Merriman's polls rise out of fear and the squires return traumatized, except Broth who was turned on by the Medusa.
3
3
"What's Kraken?"
John Harvatine IV
Sean Lavery
June 12, 2020 (2020-06-12)
4
4
"In the Line of Squire"
John Harvatine IV
Amy Reed
June 12, 2020 (2020-06-12)
Patrick, Broth, King Merriman, and Blinkerquartz uncover an assassin who is targeting high profile lords and ladies in the kingdom. Princess Blossom has returned from boarding school. She wants to attend the Beast Feast music festival. King Merriman and Queen Tulip, fearing for her safety forbid her from going and put Patrick in charge of her safety. Princess Blossom escapes from her room to go to the music festival. Patrick and Broth follow her to protect her. Princess Blossom falls in love with Keefer, the lead musician of Testa-Kyll. Blossom gets ready to attend Keefer's headlining performance in the evening. The assassin attempts to kill her while she is getting ready. Fortunately, Patrick is there to foil the attempt without Blossom even being aware. Unfortunately her tent is ruined in the turmoil and she blames Patrick. Angrily, Blossom heads off to the concert and Patrick follows, wary of the assassin still. At the concert, Blossom is invited onto the stage to perform with Keefer. While on stage the assassin fires a crossbow bolt at her. Luckily, Patrick is there to jump in the way and foil the attempt once more. Blossom is thankful. Unfortunately, while all this was going on, Keefer stumbles into the haunted iron maiden prop on stage and is killed.
5
5
"Let Them Eat Clown"
John Harvatine IV
Sean Lavery Maggie Monahan Amy Reed
June 12, 2020 (2020-06-12)
6
6
"My Super Sweet Period Party"
John Harvatine IV
Maggie Monahan
June 12, 2020 (2020-06-12)
Princess Blossom causes some trouble at a bonfire with some of her friends. Blossom returns to the castle, and it is discovered that she is having her first period. Her parents want to throw her a period party. She meets up with the ghost of Keefer to make out. At their makeout spot she meets an imprisonned Aunt Donna who tells her that at the period party she will be given a chastity belt or be locked up in a tower for refusing. Blossom wants to lose her virginity to Keefer before this happens. Aunt Donna reveals that there is a way to bring Keefer back to life for an hour. The information can be obtained in the restricted section of the library. Meanwhile Holden has returned to join the other squires. It is revealed that there will be circumcision inspection for the squired to pass. Patrick is not circumcised so he sets about finding a way to remedy that. Patrick and Blossom end up meeting each other in the library and Patrick decides to help Blossom. They obtain the ingredients for the ritual and return to Aunt Donna. They perform the ritual but Aunt Donna betrays them and uses it to revive her doll instead. They decide to gather the ingredients again and try again. Patrick fails to find snakeskin for the ritual. He decides to circumcise himself and use that in place of the snakeskin. It works. Keefer comes back to life and Blossom and Keefer have sex. Queen Tulip then reveals that she has always had a spare key for the chastity belt and it never really mattered anyway. Holden reveals to Patrick that the circumcision inspection was a prank done out of revenge.
Patrick finds himself on trial for betraying the kingdom, and only avoids punishment with a hopeful promise to the king: that he will find the legendary leprechaun gold.
12
2
"Toxic Femininity"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Marina Shifrin
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
A drug epidemic at Blossom's all-girls academy threatens to derail the king and queen's scheme to draw attention to their newfound wealth.
13
3
"Destination: Wedding"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Michael Poisson
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
The wedding of the year brings Merriman a chance to mend fences with King Rami IV.
14
4
"Good Vibrations"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Brandy Finmark
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
When Queen Tulip slips into a sex-toy-induced coma, King Merriman throws a beauty pageant with hopes of replacing her; Patrick attempts to wake the queen before the kingdom is torn apart.
15
5
"Get Your Minchachas Out"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Tom Root
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
On an island training retreat, Patrick and the squires meet the most famous knight in the kingdom, but Patrick quickly decides the knight's lessons are superficial crap.
16
6
"Tent Pitching"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Marina Shifrin
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
The circus returns to the kingdom; Blarney reunites with his uppity clown-college roommates.
17
7
"Nothin, Usurp With U"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Amanda Barnes
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
The kingdom adjusts to life under the Old King, who is back on the throne thanks to Danielle's machinations; Patrick is torn between his loyalty to the kingdom and loyalty to his former king; Merriman finds a new career after a drug trip.
18
8
"Sad-iator"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Shawn Kenji Pearlman
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
As punishment for his refusal to turn in King Merriman, Patrick is forced to fight in the arena as a gladiator.
19
9
"Knight Of The F**king Dead"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Brandy Finmark
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
Patrick is tasked with chaperoning Princess Blossom, but he abandons his duties to hang out with knights at a party; Princess Blossom switches bodies with her deceased Aunt Donna, who runs amok at the party.
20
10
"Hard Day’s Knight"
John Harvatine IV Bradley Schaffer
Maggie Monahan
December 10, 2021 (2021-12-10)
The Mole People finally lash out at the surface-dwellers who have ruined their home by depleting their jewel mines.
Production
Development
On September 27, 2018, it was announced that Hulu had given the production a series order for a first season consisting of ten episodes. The series was created by John Harvatine IV and Tom Root who were also expected to serve as executive producers. The series was produced by Stoopid Buddy Stoodios and distributed by Sony Pictures Television.[6][9] On June 18, 2020, Hulu renewed the series for a second season.[10] On June 9, 2022, co-creator John Harvatine IV revealed the show was cancelled.[4][5]
Casting
Alongside the series order announcement, it was confirmed that the series' voice cast would consist of Nicholas Hoult and Luke Evans, among others.[6][9]
Reception
On Rotten Tomatoes, the first season holds a 27% approval rating based on reviews from 15 critics.[11] A top Rotten Tomatoes critic[who?] wrote, "What sets it apart is the adorable wooden character and set design, the quaintness of which is mercilessly defiled by filthy dialogue and visuals."[better source needed][12]Metacritic, which uses a weighted average, gives it a score of 47 out of 100, indicating "mixed or average reviews".[13]
