"Hospital for Hire" (also known as "The National Health Service" and "Doctors"^{[citation needed]}) is an episode of the British comedy television series The Goodies. Written by The Goodies, with songs and music by Bill Oddie.

Plot

The National Health Service is having problems, and the Goodies are disgusted with the poor services. In a frustrated response to their criticisms, the National Health Service suggests to them that they study medicine and become doctors themselves in order to improve things. As a result, the Goodies become doctors. They pass all the tests — including beer drinking and nurse chasing.

Later, Graeme develops a special tonic and the Goodies sell it at a medicine show. They also set up their own eccentric outdoor hospital, performing X-rays (one scene shows Graeme being frightened and running away at the sight of a skeleton emerging from behind the X-ray machine) and operations, as well as setting bones and delivering babies.

The Goodies become obsessed with curing people, and collect patients from all over, including a patient from the back of an ambulance. Soon, all of Britain is cured by Graeme's tonic. Even a mummy, in a museum, is brought back to life by Graeme's tonic.

When the Goodies later become ill, they discover that curing the nation from sickness has unexpected disadvantages.