| Nerdy Prudes Must Die |
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 Promotional image |
| Music | Jeff Blim |
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| Lyrics | Jeff Blim |
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| Book | Nick Lang
Matt Lang |
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| Premiere | February 16, 2023: El Portal Theatre, Los Angeles |
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Nerdy Prudes Must Die is a horror-comedy musical with music and lyrics by Jeff Blim and a book by Matt and Nick Lang. It is the thirteenth staged show produced by StarKid Productions and is part of the Hatchetfield series following the musicals The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals and Black Friday, along with the web series Nightmare Time.[1]
The show ran from February 16, 2023 to February 25, 2023 at the El Portal Theatre in Los Angeles, California, directed by Nick Lang.[2] A live recording of the musical was uploaded onto StarKid's YouTube channel on October 13, 2023.
The show's cast album debuted at number 1 on Billboard's Cast Album charts.[3]
Funding for the show was done through Starkid Productions' Starkid Returns BackerKits project, which raised a total of $386,350.
Synopsis
Act 1
Two police officers investigate the death of a local teen, Richie Lipschitz, and find the phrase "Nerdy Prudes Must Die" written in his blood. The story goes back in time, as the students of Hatchetfield High express their hatred of school. Steph Lauter, a popular student and the mayor's daughter, asks Peter Spankoffski, an unpopular nerd, to help her cheat on a test. One of their classmates, devout Christian Grace Chasity, catches them and tells the teacher, Miss Mullberry ("High School Is Killing Me"). Pete and Steph are sent to the principal's office. There, Pete impresses Steph with his sense of humor.
Later in the day, Pete and the other "nerdy" students lament about living their lives in fear of psychopathic jock Max Jägerman, Hatchetfield High's resident bully and Star Quarterback for the school's football team: The Nighthawks. Max attempts to flirt with Grace, who turns him down, and he vows he will have her, telling his friends, Kyle Clauger and Jason Jepson, that she's "forbidden fruit" ("Literal Monster").
Upon returning home from school, Steph's phone is confiscated by her father, Mayor Solomon, who says she can have it back when she improves her grades. She calls Pete and asks him to help her study. Pete's nerdy friends, Richie and Ruth Fleming, overhear the call and urge him to help her. As he goes to meet up with Steph, Pete wonders if he may actually be cool ("Cool As I Think I Am") only to be confronted by Max, who attacks him.
While Grace eats dinner with her family, she becomes flustered and inadvertently makes multiple sexual innuendos. She takes a bath to calm down, only to fantasies about Max ("Dirty Girl"). Disgusted with herself, she decides Max "has to go".
The next day, Richie, Ruth, and Steph find Pete hiding in the bathroom with a black eye. Grace walks in on them and shares her plan to scare Max into never bullying anyone again ("Bully The Bully"). They lure Max to an old haunted house named The Waylon Place, which is said to have once belonged to a cult, under the pretenses that a party is taking place there. The group dons costumes and attempts to scare Max, but to their horror Max decides to overcome his fears by fighting the 'monsters' he sees. Steph reveals it was a prank, and Max is overjoyed, thinking the group planned the prank to help him overcome his fears. While thanking them, he accidentally falls through the house's floor. The other teens find Max mortally wounded, and Max, who thinks the group planned for him to get hurt, declares "nerdy prudes must die" before dying. Grace convinces the group to hide Max's body under the house's floorboards and tell no one ("Bury The Bully").
Two weeks later, everyone's lives have improved after Max's disappearance, and everyone is excited for the upcoming football game ("Go Go Nighthawks"). During the game, Richie, the team's mascot, hears Max's voice while alone in the locker room. An undead Max reveals himself, and starts to chase Richie. Max catches Ritchie and kills him ("Nerdy Prudes Must Die").
Act 2
Grace's father, a realtor, reveals he has sold The Waylon Place. Afraid Max's body will be found, Grace informs her accomplices, but are then all called to the principal's office. They are questioned by two police officers about Richie's death, which they did not know about, but is disclosed partway through the interrogation. Max's body is then found and the officers have to leave. A curfew is placed on the town, as the residents are encouraged to accuse each other of being the murderer by the Mayor ("Hatchet Town").
While doing lights for the school play, "The Barbeque Monologues", Ruth imagines what it would be like to be the star of the show ("Just For Once"). The undead Max appears again and splits her in half with a superpowered Atomic Wedgie, her corpse being found later by the Theater teacher. Meanwhile, Grace attempts to throw the police off their trail by telling them that she saw a van with a bumper sticker from Hatchetfield's rival high school, Clivesdale, outside the Waylon Place on the night of Max's death. An officer asks if Grace left her bracelet in the principal's office after their last meeting. She confirms it is hers, and the officer reveals they actually found it in the Waylon Place. Grace steals a gun and flees before she can be arrested.
Pete and Steph meet up at a local coffee shop and argue about recent events, blaming each other while also accusing the other of being in love with them ("If I Loved You"). Grace finds them at the coffee shop and tells them that the police are onto them. When the police arrive, they accidentally target a local man, allowing Grace, Pete, and Steph a chance to escape. Steph takes the gun away from Grace, and the three are found by Mayor Solomon.
Solomon takes the children to the Waylon Place and tells them to use the Black Book, a book containing dark spells, and use it to summon The Lords In Black, who will help them defeat Max. Max appears, having killed Solomon's assistant, Miss Tessburger, and the teens run off. Solomon tries to make a deal with Max, but Max refuses and he kills Solomon offscreen with a shovel. The teens discover the summoning ritual must be performed at one of many Black Altars in the town, one of which is at the school. On their way to the school, they are arrested by Detective Shapiro. The teens try to explain the situation to her, but she doesn't believe them until Max appears ahead of them. He then suddenly appears inside the police car and causes it to crash, knocking out Shapiro. The teens are unharmed and escape.
Upon reaching the school, they perform the ritual in the gymnasium and summon The Lords In Black. The Lords agree to help in return for "the thing you cherish most." One of them, Wiggly, tells Steph to kill Pete, as he's the thing she cherishes the most. He reminds of her of the gun, and the Lords leave. ("The Summoning"). Max appears in the gym, forcing the teens to flee.
Separated from Grace, Pete and Steph are alone. Pete knows what Steph has to do. She tries to have Pete give up what he cherishes most, only to realize that he cherishes her the most, and that one of them will have to die. Pete tells Steph to shoot him ("Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise)"), but when she does Max arrives just in time to catch the bullet. Max plans to kill Pete and Steph, and then all the "nerdy prudes" in the world, but before he can, Grace interrupts, offering to have sex with Max. He accepts, vowing to kill them later, and the two leave briefly. Wanting more, Max invites Grace to cuddle, but Grace refuses as she gave up what she cherishes most: her chasity. Because of this, the Lords in Black reappear and take Max to their realm: The Black and White.
Weeks later, everything has returned to normal, and Pete and Steph attend homecoming together ("The Best Of You"). Grace attends with Jason, one of Max's former friends. Alone, the two share a kiss and Grace becomes disgusted. She reveals that she has the Black Book, and plans to use it to kill all "dirty dudes" ("Dirty Dudes Must Die").
