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Off the derech (Hebrew: דֶּרֶךְ, pronounced: /ˈdɛrɛx/, meaning: "path"; OTD) is a Yeshiva-English expression used to describe the state of a Jew who has left an Orthodox way of life or community, and whose new lifestyle is secular, non-Jewish, or of a non-Orthodox form of Judaism, as part of a contemporary social phenomenon tied to the Digital, Postmodern and Post-postmodern eras. In its broadest sense it can also include those changing to a milder form of Orthodoxy.[2] Despite the term's pejorative and controversially dichotomic and definitive nature, it has become popular in use among Orthodox people, is found in mainstream literature,[example needed] and has also been reclaimed by some OTD individuals.[3]
Leaving Orthodoxy, especially the Haredi community, is largely reported to be a difficult experience emotionally, socially and financially, often involving multiple risks and losses. The combined findings of a significant body of studies which have examined a wide and varied array of reasons given for leaving suggest that exiting is a complex, multifaceted phenomenon which can be defined in several ways: disaffiliation as immigration, as apostasy, as liberation from a coercive group, and as standing for one’s identity, though a common denominator between the narratives is an intensity in the individuals' desire to leave, underscored by their readiness to pay the high price involved.[4]
The OTD phenomenon is of interest to Orthodox Jews, non-Orthodox Jews, members of the general public, and the exiters themselves, bringing forth variable representations and narratives which are expressed in forms of memoirs, podcasts, studies, film & TV, and opinion pieces.[5]
Aggregations of ex-Orthodox individuals may comprise a social movement. Reports show the rates of attrition from Orthodox Judaism in the US and the UK to be at 33%-52%, and US data appears to show a decline in falloff when comparing those born between c. 1990-2002 with older people.[6] Similar or bigger trends in leaving religion exist in Islam, the LDS movement, and evangelical Christianity.
Derech, Hebrew for “path” or “way,” bears a religious connotation: those on the path, who follow the derech, ascribe to both ancient and modern rabbinic authority which determines a way of communal and private life. In Orthodox Judaism where halakha (Jewish law) is deemed as the ultimate authority on how to lead a good and morally upstanding life, living by its code demonstrates one's commitment and is necessary for belonging within certain communities. The term 'Off the derech' originated within Haredi communities to describe a physical move away from family and peers as well as abandonment of these dearly held religious, ethical, and cultural principles. With the high level of existential importance maintained for the individual and the community at whole to keep upon the derech, the term in its original setting is one of assignation and disapproval, even when not translated into active shunning of the individual.[3]
Among exiters, some reject the term because of its history, negative valence, and meaning within Orthodox communities, others reject it as a term that gives credence to perceived religious superiority,[3] or a false binary of one being either on or off,[7] and yet many reclaim it, using it as a convenient shorthand for a specific orientation, or even as a defiant phrase - celebrating its meaning of subversiveness but empty of the stigmatization. Alternatives used are XO, signifying "Ex-Orthodox" while also playing on a term for "love"; Ex-Jew, found in blogs; Ex-Hasidic, or Ex-Haredi, popular and offering a more specific indication of one’s native community; and Apikoros, derived from the Greek philosopher Epicurus, first invoked in rabbinic Mishnaic literature, often used a slur by community members, its meaning has since extended to loosely include anyone who expresses a view regarded not only as heretical but even as heterodox.[3]
For better or worse, 'Off the derech' has become the most commonly used term among Jews of current or previous Orthodox affiliation to describe an act of departure from a native Jewish religious lifestyle, and is also increasingly used within mainstream parlance, blogging, journalism and scholarship to identify a brand of secularism born out of a lived experience within a rigidly Orthodox home and community.[3][8]
In Modern Hebrew, the process of halting or decreasing religious observance is known as yetziah besheelah. This term, loosely translated as "leaving in question," plays on "returning in repentance", the popular term for those who move in the other direction by becoming Orthodox after being raised without Orthodoxy.[4]
Movement away from traditional religious practices and communities toward secularity has a rich tradition in modern Jewish and Jewish American literature, much of which is echoed in the OTD movement.[3] The Haskalah, the Jewish Enlightenment in Europe that ran parallel in time to the European Enlightenment, was similarly, on a greater scale, a determined move toward secularization that challenged rabbinic authority,[3] and comparable to the Digital Age, arose in an era of unprecedented opportunities for participation in the non Jewish world and access to diverse bodies of knowledge.[9] Early 20th century American Jewish immigrant stories too bear strong similarities to the contemporary trend, consistently telling of an initial departure from a native community usually located in Eastern Europe or Russia, followed by a secondary departure from their religious and cultural practices.[3]
Nevertheless, OTD literature distinguishes itself as "a movement that originates in the Postmodern world and moves toward, if anything, one that is Post-postmodern", bringing with it its own unique sociological and anthropological aspects.[10][11]
A 2013 survey on American Jews conducted by the Pew Research Center which included more than 500 Orthodox participants,[12] found that 52% of Jewish adults who were raised Orthodox, were no longer Orthodox. When subdivided by age, it found that it was 17% for those under the age of 30, 43% for those aged 30-49, 59% for those aged 50–64, and 78% for those aged 65 and above. Some experts think that the higher attrition rate in the older age groups is possibly "a period effect in which people who came of age during the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s left Orthodoxy in large numbers."[13]
A subsequent 2020 study found the attrition rate to be at 33%.[14] This lower rate may be due (at least in part) to the fact that in this study the sample of adults who were raised as Orthodox Jews includes a larger percentage of people under the age of 30.[15]
One study by Roni Berger found four milestones common in the narratives of study participants: 1) initial questioning; 2) growing doubts; 3) beginning to share selectively with a small group of trusted others; 4) revealing a new and altered identity.[16] This process of religious disaffiliation is echoed by Helen Rose Fuchs Ebaugh (1988) in an article about ex-nuns.[17] In the case of nuns, Ebuagh says the process is 1) first doubts; 2) seeking and weighing role alternatives; 3) a turning point; 4) establishing an ex-role identity.
Lynn Davidman's book acknowledges the often messy process of leaving, including a period of "passing" when individuals would move between two worlds.[18] This period is characterized by confusion, doubts, depression, and defiance, but also by self-confidence and courage to leave the regimented world they grew up in and begin to live in another world.[18] In addition, because of the community's insularity, some people who experience the first stages of doubt, confusion, and depression don't see a way out and instead reconcile themselves to remaining.[19]
An individual's decision to discontinue practicing Orthodox Judaism is likely based on the presence of one or more of three key causes: emotional, intellectual, or implementational issues. Nishma Research carried out a survey of OTD individuals in 2016, which recorded a widely-varied and complex set of reasons people give for leaving, and the process in which they do so.[20] The Nishma study, as well as a study by Faranak Margolese, who wrote the book, Off the Derech: Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism; How to Respond to the Challenge, came to the conclusion that: "Most formerly observant Jews today seem to have left, not [or, in the Nishma study - not so much] because the outside world pulled them in, but, rather, because the observant one pushed them out. They experienced Judaism as a source of pain ... so they did what was natural: go in the other direction."[21]
These and other studies point to the social and emotional aspect of Haredi Judaism, and individuals' feelings of being silenced, marginalized, or ignored within the rigid social structure.[18]
Some selected reasons revealed by these studies include bad behavior and perceived hypocrisy in the community, especially from community leaders; oppressive community norms; experiencing religious observance as a condition for parents' or teachers' love or approval; experiencing molestation, rape, or other sexual abuse; difficulty reconciling strict interpretations of Torah and Talmud with knowledge of natural science; disbelief that the Torah or Jewish path is correct.[22]
Sexual abuse is indeed found to be reported among OTD individuals at a much higher rate than among the overall Orthodox and general population. According to a study by Rosmarin et al. (2018), compared to currently Orthodox and those never affiliated with Orthodox Judaism, formerly Orthodox people were more than four times as likely to report childhood sexual abuse. J Engelman et al.'s 2019 study on OTD adults reports that 25% of male respondents and 30% of female respondents said that they had experienced sexual abuse within Orthodox Jewish communities, though the questioning was not specific enough to determine the prevalence of sexual abuse in minors.[23]
"People going off the derech" was collectively ranked by Haredi respondents in a 2023 survey as the third to fourth "top communal priority for the next decade"; Modern Orthodox responses placed it as priority number twelve.[24] Attrition from Orthodoxy is seen by the family and the Orthodox community at large as a serious problem for Jews as it threatens the Orthodox population of Jews, causes assimilation, and breaks the intergenerational chain of the Orthodox traditions and laws for living.[25]
Attitudes of Orthodox individuals and leaders toward those who have left range from considering them heretics to be shunned and/or mourned as dead[26] (the latter having fallen out of vogue more recently[27]), to regarding them as being wayward people in pain who must be shown love;[28][29] showing love to those perceived as being in pain is most often seen in regard to teens.[citation needed] In the view of Haredi leadership and Haredi psychologists, questions of faith are a symptom of abuse, depression, anxiety, addiction or life problems, and through addressing these issues one is likely to return to their former beliefs. For this reason, when a person loses faith Haredi leadership involves these experts to treat them for emotional problems, such that these individuals are pathologized for their inability or unwillingness to conform.[30] "At risk", a term generally used for minors and adolescents in terms of protection and physical or mental risk, was adapted by Orthodox people to include those at a "spiritual risk" involving a decline in observance, a decline in spiritual beliefs, and violation of socio-cultural norms and rules, elements which can manifest into leaving Orthodox Judaism.[31]
Many former Haredim speak of having been ostracized by their families, although it is also not uncommon for families to retain close ties with such children.[32] Steinberg's study (2021), which focused on OTD individuals who originate from the Yeshivish (Lithuanian Haredi) sect, concludes that "In the Yeshivish world it appears that [the family] remaining close, not cutting off a child because they are OTD, is a pattern and not an exception".[33] In a Mishpacha interview with Shimon Schneebalg, a Hasidic Rabbi in Israel, the Rabbi addressed parents of OTD children, encouraging them to fully accept that their child has taken "a different path", and to love their child unconditionally.[34] In 2018, in what the Jerusalem Post termed a "remarkable" video, Rabbi Gershon Eidelstein was filmed saying that parents of an OTD son should not reprimand their child for bringing a girlfriend into the home or lighting a cigarette on shabbos.[32]
Agudath Israel of America, a leading ultra-Orthodox organization, addresses the topic of individuals leaving Orthodox Judaism often. At their national conventions in 2015 and 2016, they addressed the topic in panels titled "OTD: Why Do They Leave? And What Can We Do About It?",[35] and "Diving Off The Derech: The Emerging Adult At Risk Phenomenon".[36]
For those who leave and are married with children, the community tends to embrace the spouse left behind and help raise funds for legal support to help that person retain custody of the children, sometimes accomplished through community emergency fundraising appeals which are backed by the Haredi community leadership.[37] One such event in 2016 in Stamford Hill, London was graced by the presence of senior rebbes who had flown in from Israel to attend, which helped to attract a reported 1,500 strong attendance, each of whom were asked for a minimum donation of £500. A flyer calling to the event contained a letter from Rabbi Ephraim Padwa, spiritual head of the UOHC, in which he wrote: "To our great pain, and our misfortune, our community finds itself in a terrible situation – 17 of our pure and holy children where one of the parents, God rescue them, have gone out into an evil culture, and want to drag their children after them."[38][39]
Orthodox leaders and parents have set up organizations to counsel those whose relatives are OTD. Some of the organizations include Project Yes,[40] MASK (Mothers and Fathers Aligned Saving Kids).[41] Additionally, Shabbatons, groups, and events are organized to support parents dealing with an OTD child.[42] Rabbis and leaders also provide support and advice for children whose parents have left Orthodoxy.[43]
Haredi community members interviewed by the BBC "argue[d] that the stories of people who leave cast the community - a vulnerable minority at risk of anti-semitic attack - in a bad light and that it’s unfair."[38] A hashtag trend #MyOrthodoxLife[44] followed the release of the 2021 reality TV show My Unorthodox Life, and similar campaigns often arise when OTD narratives are in the spotlight.
Multiple hardships and losses are involved in one's process of disaffiliation from Orthodox Jewish communities, especially from Haredi Orthodoxy, which can include loss of family, loss of employment, divorce, loss of custody of children, and loss of community and social structure.[45][19] Additionally, those who leave must adjust and acculturate to new ways of life and thinking outside of their communities of origin.[45]
Individuals who leave ultra-Orthodox Judaism often face rejection from friends and family members. This knowledge often leads individuals who have doubts to first try to reconcile their doubts, in order to avoid the risk of losing family and friends. These individuals are generally pathologized by community leaders and experts and this attitude can often cause them to doubt their own sanity for having questions.[46] At this stage, individuals often experience anxiety and depression.[18] Some contemplate, attempt, or commit suicide.[47] Faigy Mayer's 2015 suicide was covered by some media outlets, which led to a spate of think-pieces about OTD suicides.[48] Although reports of a higher than average suicide rate among OTD have been heard,[49][50] experts have highlighted that they are anecdotal, with no statistical data available to back up the claims.[51] Leaving any faith-based community often has traumatic effects; for many, losing a lifelong sense of reliance and security through believing in divine providence can be a difficult adjustment.[52] OTD individuals also struggle with ingrained ideas about God's punishment, often leading to extreme feelings of guilt.[18] Guilt among questioning individuals sometimes leads them to commit self-harm as a way of punishing themselves for perceived wrongs towards God, family and community.[citation needed]
While psychological effects can be overwhelming in the initial years after leaving, the majority of OTD individuals report attaining their desired objectives in leaving. In Engelman's 2019 survey, 59% reported that they accomplished the goals they expected by leaving; 30% reported that they somewhat accomplished those goals; and 11% reported that they did not accomplish those goals.[45]
Leaving the community entails adjusting to a secular world where attitudes to many subjects are different and social life works differently. Some find it hard to adapt to aspects of the general public's day to day lifestyle, which can leave them with feelings of inadequacy and alienation.[53] Leaving a close-knit community where every member of the community is taken care of is often financially challenging as well.[45] Individuals who leave ultra-Orthodox communities often have difficulty maintaining contact with families who may disapprove of their choices. To counteract the feelings of isolation and alienation, many individuals form groups of friends who get together for Shabbat dinners and other practices with cultural significance.[18][54]
Some Orthodox Jews remain in the community despite losing their faith. In the 2016 Nishma survey of OTD individuals, 33% of the respondents reported that they were posing as religious. These people are sometimes referred to as Reverse Marranos,[55][56] double-lifers,[20] in the closet OTD, or Orthoprax Jews.[57] The decision to stay is often influenced by fear of being ostracized and having to rebuild community, or by fear of losing one's spouse and/or children.[20] Many of these individuals join online communities of people of OTD experience, often using pseudonyms to avoid being outed.[58] 39% of double-lifers say it is likely they will leave their community at some point.[20]
Some OTD individuals have become activists by founding, or volunteering within, organizations which advocate for specific changes within the community.[citation needed] Some examples include ZAAKAH, which works to prevent child sexual abuse;[59][60] YAFFED, which advocates for basic secular education[61] among ultra-Orthodox Jews especially amid Hasidim; and JQY, which focuses on LGBTQ+ causes.[62]
Many formerly Orthodox individuals seek community and discussion about their former beliefs and new lives in online and in-person groups. A number of OTD organizations have emerged; Footsteps, founded in New York in December 2003, provides educational, vocational, and social support to people who have left or want to leave a Haredi or Hasidic community in the United States.Hillel is its equivalent in Israel,[63] Besht Yeshiva Dresden in Germany and Mavar and Gesher in the UK. Freidom, a non-profit in the US, provides social support and cultural guidance via programs and events. Project Makom was founded in July 2014 by the nonprofit Jew in the City, and "helps former and questioning Charedi Jews find their place in Orthodoxy".[64] Informal communities have also developed on websites, blogs, and Facebook groups.[65][66]
In the first few decades of the twenty-first century, a number of stories of people leaving Orthodox Judaism have gained a degree of fame in the general public's eye. Fictional and autobiographical narratives existed in smaller numbers in the twentieth century. The genre of "OTD literature" is much debated among ex-Orthodox individuals and scholars who study the phenomenon, with some who consider writings of the haskalah to be part of this corpus and some who define the genre as belonging to a particular historical moment beginning in the twentieth century.[citation needed]
| Title | Genre | Author / Creator | Year of Publication | Description |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Jazz Singer | movie | Alan Crosland | 1927 | Famous for being the first film with synchronized dialogue, this classic talkie stars Al Jolson as Jakie Rabinowitz, the son of a cantor who defies the traditions of his Orthodox parents because of his desire to pursue a career as a jazz singer. Following punishment by his father, Jakie runs away from home, but many years later his professional success comes into direct conflict with his religious and family responsibilities. The film was remade twice — in 1952 (directed by Michael Curtiz) and again in 1980 (directed by Richard Fleischer and Sidney J. Furie), the latter starring Neil Diamond and Lawrence Olivier. |
| The Chosen | novel | Chaim Potok | 1967 | Novel about the friendship between two Jewish Brooklyn boys, Danny and Reuven, who are from different backgrounds. Danny is a Hasidic Jew and the son of a rabbi, but feels trapped by the restrictions imposed on him. By the end of the film he has abandoned Hasidism, choosing instead to go to college to become a psychologist. Reuven is Modern Orthodox, the son of a talmudic scholar and an ardent Zionist. Tradition, parental expectation, the Holocaust and the establishment of Israel are causes of friction between them. |
| The Chosen | movie | Jeremy Kagan | 1981 | Adaptation of Potok's novel. |
| A Price Above Rubies | movie | Boaz Yakin | 1998 | Sonia is a Haredi wife and mother living in Boro Park, Brooklyn. She decides to leave the problems and confines of her marriage and family, including her baby. Sonia eventually moves out of Boro Park and finds work and love outside of the Haredi community. Starring Renée Zellweger, Christopher Eccleston, Julianna Margulies, Allen Payne. |
| The Romance Reader | novel | Pearl Abraham | 1995 | Hemmed in by the strict codes of her Orthodox Jewish upbringing, the daughter of a rabbi escapes to the world of romance novels and begins to chafe at her family and her faith. |
| Mendy: A Question of Faith | movie | Adam Vardy | 2003 | This lesser-known but touching movie stars ex-Hasidic actors who play characters leaving their Hasidic community in New York for a life of sex and drugs, but also, eventually, love. |
| Disobedience | novel | Naomi Alderman | 2006 | Novel follows a rabbi's bisexual daughter as she returns from New York to her Orthodox Jewish community in Hendon, London. |
| Holy Rollers | movie | Kevin Asch, Antonio Macia | 2010 | In Brooklyn, a youth from an Orthodox Jewish community is lured into becoming an Ecstasy dealer by his pal who has ties to an Israeli drug cartel. |
| Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots | memoir | Deborah Feldman | 2012 | Memoir documenting Deborah Feldman's life in an ultra-religious Jewish community in Brooklyn, New York. |
| Felix & Meira | movie | Maxime Giroux | 2014 | Affair between two Montreal residents - one a married woman from a devoutly Jewish family and community, and the other a single French Canadian man with his own family issues. Starring Martin Dubreuil, Hadas Yaron, and Luzer Twersky. |
| All Who Go Do Not Return | memoir | Shulem Deen | 2015 | Memoir about growing up in and then leaving one of the most insular Hasidic sects in the U.S. |
| Exodus | memoir | Deborah Feldman | 2015 | Sequel to Unorthodox; follows Feldman as she raises her son in the “real” world, findes solace and solitude in a writing career, searches for love, and travels across Europe to retrace her grandmother’s life during the Holocaust. |
| Cut Me Loose: Sin and Salvation After My Ultra-Orthodox Girlhood | memoir | Jericho Vincent | 2015 | A memoir about Vincent's journey from self-destruction to redemption, after cutting ties with her ultra-Orthodox Jewish family. |
| Uncovered: How I Left Hasidic Life and Finally Came Home | memoir | Leah Lax | 2015 | Leah Lax tells her story—beginning as a young teen who left her liberal, secular home for life as a Hasidic Jew and ending as a forty-something woman who has to abandon the only world she's known for thirty years in order to achieve personal freedom. |
| Disobedience | movie | Rachel Weisz, Ed Guiney, and Frida Torresblanco | 2017 | Adaptation of Alderman's 2006 novel; the story of a woman who returns to the strict Orthodox Jewish community for her father's funeral after living in New York for many years, having been estranged from her father and ostracized by the community for a reason that becomes clearer as the story unfolds. The film stars Rachel Weisz, Rachel McAdams, and Alessandro Nivola. |
| One of Us | documentary | Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady | 2017 | The film follows the lives of three ex-members of Brooklyn's Hasidic community: Ari Hershkowitz, Luzer Twersky, and Etty Ausch. Each struggles with being ostracized from their former community and families, while revealing how they came to leave. The film also reveals their experience with religious doubt, as well as with both domestic abuse and childhood sexual abuse. Some receive support from ex-Haredi organizations such as Footsteps, while others work to find a footing in the secular world. The film also follows counselor Chani Getter in her work with helping former ultra-Orthodox individuals settle into the outside world. |
| The Book of Separation | memoir | Tova Mirvis | 2017 | Memoir about leaving Orthodox Judaism to find out what she really believes. |
| High Maintenance: “Derech” | TV episode | Ben Sinclair, Katja Blichfeld | 2018 | An ex-Hasid named Baruch (Luzer Twersky), with the accidental help of a flighty Vice writer (Ismenia Mendes), has a wild night out at a club. |
| Unorthodox | Netflix miniseries | Anna Winger and Alexa Karolinski, and directed by Maria Schrader | 2020 | Esty, a 19-year-old Jewish woman, is living unhappily in an arranged marriage among the Satmar sect of the ultra-Orthodox community in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York City. She runs away to Berlin, where her estranged mother lives, and tries to navigate a secular life, discovering life outside her community and rejecting all of the beliefs she grew up with. Her husband, who learns that she is pregnant, travels to Berlin with his cousin, by order of their rabbi, to try to find her. |
| My Unorthodox Life | reality TV | Jeff Jenkins, Ross Weintraub, Reinout Oerlemans, Julia Haart | 2021 | The series centers on Julia Haart, the CEO of a modeling agency and fashion company and a former ultra-Orthodox Jew, as Haart and her family acculturate to their new non-religious lifestyle in Manhattan. |
| Ultraorthodox mein Weg | memoir | Akiva Weingarten | 2022 | Memoir documenting Akiva Weingarten's life in an ultra-religious Jewish community in Monsey, New York. |
| Rough Diamonds | Netflix series | Rotem Shamir, Yuval Yefet | 2023 | Noah Wolfson (Kevin Janssens) travels home to Antwerp after the suicide of his younger brother, Yanki. Upon his return, Noah reconnects with the Haredi community he abandoned when he left the Orthodox faith, while also trying to rescue his family's diamond trading business from the pressures of organized crime and a zealous local prosecutor (Els Dottermans).[67] |
| Shttl | movie | Ady Walter | 2023 | In 1941, Mendele (Moshe Lobel) returns to his shtetl in Western Ukraine one day before the Nazi invasion. |
| An Unorthodox Education | documentary | Joe Kolman | 2023 | Interviews with academics and leavers to address the problems in ultra-Orthodox education, particularly Hasidic boys schools. |