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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:55, 5 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Will review this soon. Cheers, Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:55, 5 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Here are my comments. Pinging Atsme too as she seems to be interested in this. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 18:03, 6 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

General

• The article should follow British English. This script can help. [1]

• I have converted it all to BE. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:41, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Possible paraphrasing [2]

• To be checked... not able to access the tool right now. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:41, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

History

• Y During the reign of the British Raj "British Raj" refers to the rule of the British, so "reign of" is redundant
• Ythe city Lyallpur was named in honor What was the original name and where was/is the city? When exactly was it renamed? You will have to say "the then Lieutenant Governor of Punjab"
• Y a forestation environment I have not heard anything like this before, do you mean "forest"?
• YShahdara to Shorekot and Sangla Hill to Toba Tek Singh any wikilinks possible?
• Y I don't think "colonialiazation" needs to be linked.
• Y In 1880, Poham Young C.I.E...Lyall was developed. Source?
• Y What is "C.I.E"?
• Y built by the British Seems evident by now, can be omitted.
• Y "Muslim" should be linked at first mention
• Y In 1977, the name of the city was changed to "Faisalabad" By whom? And why?

Knocked off some of the above by special:diff/724253892 YBG (talk) 02:32, 8 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Got the rest of it done. On to the next batch. ^{Atsme📞📧} 01:30, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Government and public services

• Y comprising seven departments, including Agriculture,... I think this looks better: ...departments – Agriculture,...
• YThe district coordination officer Faisalabad "of" Faisalabad?
• YEach of the seven departments...their respective departments. Source?
• YThe intention of the city district government I think it should be "aim", not "intention"
• Ycity district government—Faisalabad The endash is not proper here, put Faisalabad in brackets or say "of Faisalabad"
• Y1976 to regulate Comma after 1976. Actually I think it is better to say "(1976)"
• YThe FDA works with WASA So far we do not know what WASA means. It would be better to shift this line to the section where we deal with WASA
• YHealth care services are provided "Healthcare"^{Fixed the prose but left the title in cited source as is.}
• Y government run hospitals "government-run"
• YThe City District Government...parts of the district. Source?
• Y Police Formations Why not "formations"?
• Y and emergency medical care by Edhi Ambulances and Rescue 1122. Source? ^{eliminated it all together as it appeared to be promotional of private sector services}
• YIt is estimated that WASA provides... Estimated by whom, and when?
• Y Wikilink Chenab river

@Atsme: Mentioning the services of the Edhi Foundation is not "promotional of private sector services" as the foundation is in the non-profit sector, comparable to St. John's Ambulance in many countries. That doesn't eliminate the need for WP:RS. YBG (talk) 05:52, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

YBG my concern is that it's non-governmental, lacks WP:RS, and doesn't exactly fit in the law enforcement section. It's better suited for the Healthcare section. I also don't think it would prove helpful if we started listing all the non-governmental services that are offered in the city. SCDG Faisalabad-Health oversees community health needs, and provides free emergency treatment, preventative care, ambulance services, etc. ^{Atsme📞📧} 06:42, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Atsme fair enough, I just wanted to note that 'private' didn't apply. YBG (talk) 07:16, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Geography

• YFrom similar articles I have read, I think "Location" is a more common name for a section than "Scope".
• Y between longitude 73°74 East, latitude 30°31.5 North Here you had better use Template:Coord. ^{<---I have -0- experience with that, so could someone please assist?}

• I have added it now. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:11, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• YWikilink Ravi river/River Ravi (say any one) at first mention
• YThe Chenab river flows about 30 km to the northwest, and the Ravi river meanders 40 km to the southeast Convert templates.
• YThe scalloped interfluves are believed...River Ravi and Chenab. Source?
• Not sure The alluvial deposits are typically over a thousand feet thick Could this be more precise?<--^{Not quite sure what you mean so please expand it to be as precise as you need.}

• Could the measurement say exactly how higher than a thousand feet those deposits are? Sainsf (talk · contribs) 16:43, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• YWhat is an "interfluve"? ^{Added wikilink to define}
• YWikilink Holocene
• YThe soil consists of young stratified silt loams or very fine sand loams I see some technical terms here, wikilinks possible?
• Y"Kanker" may not be understood by all.
• Ywhich gave the subsoil a very weak structure "give"?
• YThe climate of the district can see extremes...in December, January and February. Source?
• Y Last para of "Climate" needs some convert templates

Necessary modifications were made for various reasons. ^{Atsme📞📧} 18:49, 10 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Demographics

• Ycovering an area of 3 sq. kilometres Convert template
• Y Population sizes vary by district...in castes and languages. Source?
• YPunjabi is the dominant language...various ethnic groups. Is ref. 4 the source for this as well? Put it at the end of this line then.

Economy

• YFaisalabad contributes over 20% toward Pakistan's annual GDP
• Yare still a major trading zone in the city today I think "remain a major trading zone in the city" sounds better
• Yselling certain goods; I think it should be a colon, not a semicolon
• YA detailed breakdown by The Faisalabad Chamber of Commerce and Industries When?
• YFaisalabad also has large industries...carpets, rugs, and lace. Source?
• ✗ Within the banking sector, ... Jubilee Insurance and AIG Insurance. Source?
• ✗ As the economy has shown signs...growing needs of the population. Source?
• ✗ Within the banking sector, there are 45 commercial banks... As of when?

• I removed much of this section as there simply aren't any WP:RS available to support the information that was originally included. ^{Atsme📞📧} 06:32, 10 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Transportation

• Y There are many ways to get in and around Faisalabad I think it would be more encyclopedic to say "Faisalabad is well-connected by rail, road and air" if that is what it is intended to mean.
• Y An international airport on the outskirts of the city Name?
• ✗ Sources for "Important roads in Faisalabad"?
• ✗ The majority of roads are under...for freight companies. Source?
• ✗ the city is well connected by several coach companies "well-connected"
• ✗ The Faisalabad railway station...assistant operation officer (AOO). Source?

  Cleaned-up this entire section, added sources and removed promotional material. ^{Atsme📞📧} 19:50, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Culture

• Y Faisalabad Arts Council...its museum in 2011 Source?
• ✗ The government services including the police, fire and ambulance services usually hold a motorcade through the city on the same day. Source?
• Y The building was designed...Headed by Resident Director. This part is a bit improperly written and ends in an external link
• Y number of writers and poets who migrated to India add "from Faisalabad"
• Y Why are the names of food items written in title case?

Recreation

• Y and home to Faisalabad's...1996 Cricket World Cup. Source?
• Y The stadium's maximum capacity can accommodate 36,000 spectators Better say "The stadium can accommodate up to 36,000 spectators".
• Y Which sport is being wikilinked and which not?

Education

• Y The population of Faisalabad has a literacy rate... When is this data of?
• ✗ Membership is open to all – with 500 rupees joining fee and one proof of identification. Source? And when is this data of?

Media

• Y Sources for the first para and last line of "Television and radio"?
• ✗ Stage shows ... entertainment value. Source?
• Y government owned organisation "government-owned"
• ✗ 92newsHD was the first high-definition television station launched in the city. When was it launched?

References

• Needs considerable work, the references are not written in a proper format. They need to follow a specific citation style, such as the use of Template:Cite.

• All the above is complete. Will work on refs. ^{Atsme📞📧} 23:17, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Atsme: I see that the nominator, SRandaall, is away since April 2016. I have sought help for this at WP:WikiProject Pakistan. You too may wish to help here. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:14, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, Sainsf you can count me in but please give me a day to wrap-up some loose ends on a BLP I just created. ^{Atsme📞📧} 08:23, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

No hurry, the review can remain open as long as activity is going on. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:39, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• While formatting references, I came across many sources that are either unreliable or fail verification. I am going to tag them accordingly for now, so editors working on the article can replace those, otherwise they need to be removed immediately. --SMS ^Talk 09:02, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Thanks for the heads up, Smsarmad. I thought I would check the references after they became a bit more readable, but this is going to be a major problem if a lot of unreliable material is going to be removed. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:16, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Sainsf the unsourced material that I've removed so far was not essential to the article, and actually read more like what we see in a tourist brochure than an encyclopedic article. I have a few more sections to go before I recruit a citation expert to help clean-up that portion of the review. Thank you for your detailed review so far. ^{Atsme📞📧} 22:07, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Thanks Atsme. Thanks for all the improvements so far, I am keeping an eye on them. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 16:42, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Hi Sainsf, I'm on the 3rd and final column of references and will try to get them completed this evening when I return. Just letting you know. ^{Atsme📞📧} 21:13, 17 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sainsf, I've cleaned-up everything I am physically able to see at this point in the review. ^{Atsme📞📧} 14:42, 18 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments

Thanks for all your hard work Atsme. On to the last round: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:41, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Will check for paraphrasing when I can access the Earwig tool...

• If it saves you any time, I checked it using User:CorenSearchBot/manual and got the following results: Faisalabad, as of 10:42 am, Today (UTC−5), did not appear to be a copyright violation.
• Also did Earwig which turned back a 39% Violation Unlikely, you can see the results here. We're clear of copyvio. ^{Atsme📞📧}

• The lead is not expected to have citations unless something potentially controversial is mentioned. The lead is to be a subset of the main article, and all information has to be supported by citations there itself.

• I actually felt that all citations in the lead of this article were necessary based on my experiences editing & reviewing Middle Eastern and South Asian articles. They seem to be magnets for doubters which can result in frequent IP changes. Per MOS:LEAD, Complex, current, or controversial subjects may require many citations; others, few or none. The presence of citations in the introduction is neither required in every article nor prohibited in any article. While the citations in the lead of this article are repeated at least once in the body, I have removed a few from statements that would be least controversial, but left others. My advice is to leave the citations that still remain in the lead because of (1) the length of the article, (2) how far down in the article the citations may occur, and the fact that lead statements summarize what's in the body; therefore, some statements may be considered controversial. ^{Atsme📞📧} 16:00, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• The first line of an article is generally in an "X is Y" format, which does not seem to be the case here.

• Actually, the first line of the article is appropriate and follows an established consistency as evidenced by GAs Ahmedabad and Bangladesh, and FA Cheadle Hulme ^{Atsme📞📧}

• Each of the seven departments...respective departments. Appears unsourced ("Civic administration")

• I went ahead and added a citation, although it wasn't really necessary. The main source which lists each department with links to each was cited in the preceding sentence. ^{Atsme📞📧}

• There is some trouble with the accessdate in ref. 49

• Saw that - it's fixed. Actually, since I'm the only editor working with you in this review, it would be helpful and very much appreciated if you would go ahead and fix the small issues as you see them. Per Step 3 in reviewing, ....if the problems are easy to resolve, you may be bold and fix them yourself. ^{Atsme📞📧}

• That's my philosophy as well, maybe I was too busy at that moment ;) Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:38, 20 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Unless you are sure the sources do support what they are expected to support, we will have to perform spot-checks.

• I've been over it several times until my eyes were crossed, and it appears all sources check out satisfactorily. ^{Atsme📞📧} 16:00, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great job Atsme, thanks for clearing those final doubts I had. I'm sure we can promote this now, we have seen some splendid volunteering from you here! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:38, 20 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Sainsf. You were very thorough, and I'd be honored to work with you reviewing FACs. ^{Atsme📞📧} 10:52, 20 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]