Copy edit questions[edit]

"In the milieu, he and two boys ..." Change milieu to melee ? Also, the last sentence of the introduction is not a complete sentence. Jeffrey Beall (talk) 23:07, 8 December 2021 (UTC).[reply]

Jeffrey Beall, Great points! Thanks! Done.–CaroleHenson (talk) 23:53, 8 December 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review[edit]

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Friday (Arapaho chief)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 00:32, 4 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this shortly. -- Ealdgyth (talk) 00:32, 4 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Agreed.  Done I swapped in some new sources and reworded the content based upon the source. In other cases, I removed the content. See this edit.–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:44, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Hayden's expedition in "his surveying expedition"?
  • Second paragraph - the second, third, fourth, and fifth sentences start with "He..." which is repetitious and could stand with some varying.
Both bullets  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:57, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In the melee, he and two boys were separated" .. confusing - the last "he" mentioned was the Atsina chief...
 Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:57, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "where he wandered for several days" Last we heard Friday was with two other boys - what happened to them?
I remember looking but being unable to find out what happened to the two other boys. I will circle back to this.–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:57, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I don't know what happened to the other two boys. Would it be better not to mention them?–CaroleHenson (talk) 02:03, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He remained friends of Fitzpatrick until his death in 1854" confusing which he is which here - who died in 1854?
It was removed with some other Dunn content.–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:57, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A nomadic hunter-gatherer tribe, they ranged into Wyoming, Kansas, and Nebraska." Confusing, as we were just discussing "Friday's life" - either change the first sentence to be something like "The Arapaho tribal life... " or change the second sentence to "As part the Arapaho's nomadic hunter-gatherer lifestyle, Friday and his tribe..."
It was removed with some other Dunn content.–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:57, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He was known for his skill as a hunter and warrior, who fought against .." clunky - suggest "A skilled hunter and warrior, Friday fought against..."
Much better.  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:57, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Held along Horse Creek. It was the largest treaty council..." I suspect you meant "Held along Horse Creek, it was the largest treaty council" but as it stands, the first sentence lacks a subject so its a fragment.
Yes, you're right. It was removed with some other Dunn content, though.–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:29, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It was signed by Indian Superintendent D. D. Mitchell and Indian Agent Thomas Fitzpatrick for the United States government." why are we only listing the signatories from the white side?
Absolutely a big miss. Thanks!  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:29, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Suggest linking a main article here for more details ... and condensing the details in this article, as they detract from the coverage of the subject, which is Friday.
The main article is linked in the second sentence (Fort Laramie Treaty), with the year piped out to avoid redundancy. Will circle back to this re: condensing details.–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:29, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Here's an edit that condenses the details quite a bit - does this work?–CaroleHenson (talk) 02:13, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Friday had left for Washington, D.C. with other Arapaho and Cheyenne delegates..." the "had left" implies that something happened after he was gone? Or was "Friday traveled to Washington..."
Yep, that was confusing. He went to Washington to continue to negotiate some issues. Reworded a bit. Hope that helps.–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:29, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • The section title is ... clunky. Suggest "Interpreter" instead
 Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:29, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "facilitated communication when the Arapaho encountered" oh, wow, this sounds like a resume. Can we reword this?
Lol.  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:29, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • link for "Little Owl" or "Little Owl's band"?
 Done. I added a red link for the first use of "Little Owl" to Little Owl (chief) and I will likely add articles for Little Owl and White Antelope.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:11, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He had ten wives and children" .... ten wives AND ten children or all together there were a total of ten wives and children?
Removed with Dunn info, but I will try to find other sources for the info and will make sure that the count is clear.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:11, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Jarvis had passed through the area in the 1830s when the valley was "black with buffalo", but by 1858 the buffalo had diminished significantly." what does this tell us about Friday, though?
Removed with other Dunn info.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:11, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "To do so encroached on the land of the Arapaho and Cheyenne" is there a "they" missing here?
Removed with other Dunn info.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:11, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Friday would not sign the Treaty of Fort Wise." was this treaty the one that reduced the lands? It's not clear in the text.
Removed with other Dunn info.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:11, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's unclear what relevance "Camp Collins (later Fort Collins, and then the town of Fort Collins) was established as a military outpost in 1862" has to Friday...
Removed with other Dunn info.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:11, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By the 1860s, there was an influx of white settlers and miners wanting land, which later resulted in the Arapaho being forced out of Colorado." We already covered this above...
Reworded it a bit. The point is that the Arapaho were forced out.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:11, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A decisive event occurred in 1864 with the Sand Creek massacre,[1] where 230 people, mostly women and children, were massacred." I know that Sand Creek was a massacre of Native Americans, but it may not be clear to others - as it could be referring to whites.
Clarified.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The band diminished in size due to attacks by the United States Army, disease, and hunger.[1][2] Their traditional hunting grounds were lost to whites. His band was just..." Confusing again - suggest "Friday's band diminished..."
 Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "His band was just about 175 people in the late 1860s lived in northern Colorado along the Cache la Poudre." is there an "and" missing between "1860s" and "lived"?
Yep, something is missing. I added "when they" lived. Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not sure what significance there is to the bit about the council tree and its land being homesteaded by a particular white settler?
Native American's relationship with trees was a big deal in Colorado (I could talk about this for some time). And, being able to locate the spot where they met is helpful/interesting. Does it hurt to have it in there? Would it be better to remove the part about the settler?–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I moved it into a note. Does that work?–CaroleHenson (talk) 05:33, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He often camped near F. W. Sherwood and John Coy. He was also friends with Antoine Janis, Oliver Goodwin, John Prost, Elias Whitcomb, Benjamin Claymore, and Rock Bush—who had married Native American women." this seems like just unneeded trivia.
I like to provide some information for context. This was during the early days when there were no many white women in the territory... and to show that he wasn't out on some remote encampment with just Native Americans. He tried his best to integrate with white. If you think it degrades the article, though, you may remove it.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
It looks like that info was removed other Dunn content.–CaroleHenson (talk) 05:33, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "His band joined Black Bear's and Medicine Man's communities." where were these communities?
They were in a period of transition and were at Tongue's River for a bit. Expanded / clarified this short term residence.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Friday was hired by government peace commissioner" is it "a government" or "some government commissioners"?
I clarified this. Good catch.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:51, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who agreed to land on one of three reservations in one year" ... the image I get here is of a spaceship or airplane landing ... I suspect you meant "who agreed to settle on one of three reservations in one year"?
LOL! Yep.  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:51, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Their options were with the Lakota people on the Missouri River, in Indian Territory (now Oklahoma) with southern Arapaho and Cheyenne people, or with the Crows on the Yellowstone River in Montana Territory." the middle phrase is jarring - suggest "Their options were with the Lakota people on the Missouri River, with southern Arapaho and Cheyenne people in Indian Territory (now Oklahoma), or with the Crow people on the Yellowstone River in Montana Territory."
 Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
 Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks so much for the copyediting.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth (talk) 16:58, 7 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Ealdgyth, Sorry that the article wasn't as clean as it should have been for a GA nomination. I think that I have addressed all your points. How does the article look to you now?–CaroleHenson (talk) 05:39, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I did a bit more copyediting, and am passing this now. No worries on the state of it, it happens... Ealdgyth (talk) 16:14, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks so much! I really appreciate the time you spent on making this article better!–CaroleHenson (talk) 21:10, 10 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]
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