She was designed to be the game's Hydro Archon, with Hydro representing the game's water element and Archon being the in-game equivalent of a god." This is important info to note, but I'm wondering if it can be integrated into the text in a more seamless way. Perhaps the definition of "Hydro" and "Archon" could be placed in a note (similar to how the Genshin Impact article tackles some of these terms)?
Done, though I just used one note.
"The developers created several designs for Furina's throughout her development, though eventually settled on only two designs to choose from due to development restrictions." Is there any more info on what those designs might have looked like?
Not much information in terms of text, but there is some footage from the "Making of La Vaguelette" video that I can take a screenshot from. I'll do that soon when I have more time.
"Other elements of her outfit were inspired by French and Christian culture." I think you do a good job discussing the French side of things, but what do you mean by "Christian culture"? There's quite a range there.
I'm not sure myself, as "Christian culture" is (to my knowledge) only referred to as simply that in the Chinese source I used.
"Additionally, "La vaguelette", a song performed by Furina with lyrics entirely in French, incorporates these inspirations itself." I think "these inspirations" could be more clearly spelled out. Are we talking about 'The Little Mermaid'? General French culture?
Clarified.
Is there a specific order that the VAs should be arranged? I would assume that her Chinese VA would be listed first, but I'm not sure. Just thought I'd check.
If there's an MOS for this sort of thing, that'd be great to see, but I listed English first since this is the English Wikipedia, and the others were just arbitrary.
Any info about her Goetic name? That might be good to mention in the "Creation and design" section.
Based on how Focalors is stated to be a completely different entity in the Appearances section, I'm not sure what the best way to implement a Goetic name would be. Do you have any suggestions?
Furina's story is rather confusing (and I say this as a big Furina fan), so it might be a good idea to rework the second and third paragraphs in the "Appearances" section to better clarify a) why Focalors split herself into two, b) why Furina was forced to become a leader, and c) how the "flood", the "prophecy", and "sin" fit into all of this.
I'll work on this soon, I was planning to copyedit this today anyways.
Attempted to clarify the flood, prophecy, and sins. I didn't go super crazy with details since I tried to stick it to the sources and keep it simple for a general reader, but there's a few sentences dedicated to explaining why Focalors did what she did now. Let me know if you still have any concerns with this section.
"As with other characters from Fontaine, she has two different "Arkhe" modes." I think it might be a good idea to briefly explain (perhaps with another note?) what this means, since it's a feature unique to this region.
Done.
"She wrote that, as a result of her significant buffs and power, Furina made several unpopular characters previously viewed as non-viable due to low statistics or niche playstyles become crucial parts of the player's party when used to take advantage of Furina's full power." This sentence should probably be broken down or simplified.
Attempted simplification.
Personally, I think the "Reception" section would really shine if it were thematically divided, rather than broken up into reviewers. I don't think this would require too much tinkering, just some text swapping. Here's a [useful guide on working with reception sections], since they're a notorious pain.
If this were a game, that would be how I'd write this section, but Furina had a lot of in-depth coverage on one specific area,. with minor coverage in design and in-game power. I based this reception section off of Raiden Shogun's (which is a GA), where each paragraph covers something different (first one is the story in general, second one prioritizing her strength, etc.)
Thanks for reviewing this! I've addressed most of the above comments unless stated otherwise, I'll copyedit the story and add a concept art image later when I have more time. λNegativeMP1 16:55, 22 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
ref 2, 5, 9, 10, 13, 15, 19, 21, 22, 23,24 and 25 doesn't have authors name and it probably should be added for it look more better. GreenishPickle! (🔔) 01:25, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
All above comments are now addressed, including the drive-by from Greenish Pickle!, unless stated otherwise. λNegativeMP1 06:48, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@NegativeMP1: Your changes look great! I'm satisfied with your answers to a few of my other questions. I went ahead and did one more copyedit pass; do my changes look OK to you? If so, I'm willing to pass this article!--Gen. Quon[Talk] 16:28, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you, the changes look great! I'll also add citations to all of the notes later, including the one about the dragon sovereigns. Thank you again for reviewing this! λNegativeMP1 16:51, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]