The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I'm taking a look at this now. It looks like this is your first GA submission; thank you for putting in the effort to write this and submit it for review! RoySmith(talk) 02:10, 15 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"next to the site of what was then Milwaukee County Stadium" -> "next to Milwaukee County Stadium"
"Developing this Menomonee River Greenway..." this is a really complicated sentence to read and understand. I'd break it up into about 2 sentences, and simplify verbose passages like "determined to be a method by which"
"where it would meet a Milwaukee County-owned trail" you should give the name of that trail
Use ((convert)) to give metric equivalents for distances, i.e. 0.3 miles (0.48 km)
"with a bridge over a rail yard" give the name and/or location of the yard
"By August 2006, the trail stretched from..." if that distance is known, give it.
"though this section was composed of compacted gravel." that implies the rest of the trail was something else, presumably paved. Tell us what.
Three Bridges Park redlinks might be OK, but see MOS:REDLINK and WP:REDLINK for guidance on when they should be used. Basically, is there a reasonable expectation the redlinked article will exist at some point? Actually, what I like to do in situations like this is just go ahead and write a stub for the redlinked article and turn it blue. If there's not enough in WP:RS to do that, then it probably shouldn't be linked.
"a ramp and stairway were added to the trail near 6th Street" that's awkwardly phrased. Do you mean the ramp and stairway were near 6th street, or are you talking about a trail near 6th street? This should be rephrased.
"was paved with the completion of the reconstruction". Oddly phrased. When I read "paved with..." I expect that to be followed by the material that was used to pave it, i.e. "paved with concrete", "paved with yellow bricks", etc. I think you want something like "In 2018 when the Zoo Interchange was reconstructed, the compacted gravel section was paved..."
"In 2020, the trail was designated..." one-sentence paragraphs are generally discouraged. If there's nothing else that can be said here, just merge it with the previous paragraph.
"The trail is open to walkers, joggers, bicyclists, and in-line skaters" most of those terms should be wikilinked, but find a way to word things that doesn't have a WP:SEAOFBLUE problem.
"Much of the trail is accessible to people with disabilities" The URL in the citation doesn't get you to a useful page. I think you want https://dnr.wisconsin.gov/topic/parks/hankaaron/recreation. Also, the two citations on adjacent sentences can be combined into a single citation at the end of the second sentence.
Take a look at what I did with ((maplink)) in Bronx County Bird Club, i.e. the numbered markers. Rather than running all those coordinates in-line with the text, it'll work better to make a labeled map. Perhaps pull the map out of the infobox and move it down to this section, so it's next to the detailed description. I have found that the folks at WP:WikiProject Maps are usually eager to help you work through the details of how to construct these.
"a 2013-opened conversion of a former rail yard" -> "A former rail yard which was converted into a 24-acre green space in 2013". And, as above, ((convert)) for "24-acre".
The image here ("A portion of the trail in a segment bordering Canal Street") isn't a great image; I don't know what it adds to the reader's understanding of the trail.
Ref 3 (Hank Aaron State Trail". Wisconsin DNR), spell out DNR.
That's a good first pass. Work on those then ping me when you're done and I'll take another look. RoySmith(talk) 03:23, 15 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
@RoySmith Thank you for the review! I have edited the article to incorporate your feedback. Some notes about this round of changes:
I have de-linked Three Bridges Park for now. While I would like to create an article for it, I want to think for a while longer about whether it would be better to instead include information about it in the existing Menomonee Valley article.
To avoid the WP:SEAOFBLUE problem, I only wikilinked the in-line skating item. Walking, jogging, bicycling, and being disabled are common knowledge, but in-line skating is not necessarily common knowledge.
Unfortunately, it seems like Template:Maplink does not display markers when type=line. Since the trailheads are simply the easternmost and westernmost points of the trail, I instead opted for removing the coordinates from the Route section.
I'm confused about "The Civil Rights River Loop Murals share messages of hope". The source says "The murals, which feature messages of hope from Chief Joseph". Chief Joseph lived over 100 years ago, so I assume these are some famous quotes associated with him. I realize the cited source doesn't say much, but I think it's worth digging a bit more to see what else you can find about these "messages of hope". Also, "messages of hope" is editorializing, so it really should be attributed to who said that, beyond just citing the source you cited.
http://midwestroads.com/ does not look like a WP:RS to me. It looks like somebody's personal blog. See if you can find a better source to replace it.
@RoySmith Thank you for the additional pass. Your comments in this pass and the previous regarding the Artwork section have especially been helpful since I haven't attempted to write about artwork in an encyclopedic tone before. The WP:RS item is a good catch; upon searching for a better source, I learned that planning for the reroute actually started two years earlier. Please let me know if any other items could use improvement. huntertur (talk) 04:14, 16 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
OK, this look good, I'll mark this as passed in a few minutes. I would encourage you to keep working on the map. I think a map showing not just the route but all the various points of interest would add to the article, but I can't justify holding up the GA approval for that. I'm pretty sure ((maplink)) is capable of doing all that, even if it's not immediately obvious how it works. As I noted above, the folks at WP:WikiProject Maps are usually happy to lend technical assistance. RoySmith(talk) 15:59, 16 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.