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Reviewer: Indrian (talk · contribs) 00:37, 15 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Fake vampires, Dana Plato, and Congressional outrage. What's not to like? Happy to tackle perhaps the most infamous FMV game of all time! Indrian (talk) 00:37, 15 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Alright, I have read the article and made a number of changes for grammar, mechanics, and flow. Overall, the article is in fantastic shape, and I only have three additional points I would like to see addressed:

 Done*In his The Ultimate History of Video Games, Steven Kent interviews Tom Zito about his work on NEMO and the FMV games. Most of this is not relevant to Night Trap specifically, but the book does reveal that Zito originally wanted to make a horror game tie-in with the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise and only hired Terry McDonell to pen the original script that became Night Trap when that deal fell through.

• • Done, nice find.

 Done*As written, the article implies that Zito established Digital Pictures immediately after Hasbro nixed the NEMO project. In truth, Zito only established the company after he learned from former Isix employee Ken Melville that Sony was sniffing around Sewer Shark for release on the forthcoming Nintendo CD-ROM unit. This story is also recounted in The Ultimate History of Video Games.

• • I always like a copy of the source so I can read for myself. Do you have a copy of the passage so you could scan and send to me? Google Books free preview doesn't show this page...
    • I added a bit based on what you told me for the time being if you can't retrieve the passage. TarkusAB^talk 20:45, 20 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]
      • That's probably sufficient detail for our purposes here. I'll add a cite to Kent's book in the near future and get this review wrapped up. Indrian (talk) 20:58, 20 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]
        • Alright, I tweaked the language a bit to reflect the source a little better and added the page number to the citation. This shoudl be good to go. Indrian (talk) 01:41, 21 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]

 Done*I don't really like the name or placement of the "Controversy" section. The section is really just about the Congressional hearings and their fallout, so should be titled to reflect this fact rather than with such a generic name. Also, this feels like a part of the history of the game rather than reception to it, which is generally just reserved for reviews and retrospectives. I would move this out of and ahead of the reception material.

• • Done

And that's it. I anticipate no difficulty in resolving these relatively minor issues, so will place this review  On hold while my concerns are addressed. Indrian (talk) 14:30, 19 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Just chipping in on Indrian's last point, the the Congressional hearings section needs a small indicator that the problem was only in America and that the game was released without any fuss in the rest of the world. To balance the section and get a whole world view. - X201 (talk) 15:14, 19 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]

OK I retitled the section to say "United States congressional hearings" TarkusAB^talk 17:46, 19 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Alright, everything is looking good to my eyes. Let's get this sucker promoted. Well done! Indrian (talk) 01:44, 21 July 2017 (UTC)Reply[reply]