Check for Provide an accessible overview (MOS:INTRO): Done
Major Point 1: Characteristics "Pryor Mountain Mustangs are relatively small horses, exhibit a natural ambling gait, and domesticated Pryor Mountain Mustangs are known for their strength, surefootedness and stamina." (not a concise summary of the Characteristics section, it should be expanded)
Major Point 2: History "Feral horses are documented as … which gave the horses additional protection." (summarised well in the lead)
Major Point 3: Genetics "considered to be genetically unique and one of the few strains of horses verified by DNA analysis to be descended from the original Colonial Spanish Horses brought to the Americas by the Spanish." & "Genetic studies have revealed that the herd exhibits a high degree of genetic diversity and a low degree of inbreeding, and BLM has acknowledged the genetic uniqueness of the herd." (not a concise summary of the Genetics section)
Major Point 4: Management "The BLM management of the herd has … were given contraceptives to slow herd growth." (not a concise summary of the ' section)
Major Point 5: Tourism "" (not in the lead)
Check for Relative emphasis: Done
Major Point 1: Characteristics "Pryor Mountain Mustangs are relatively small horses, exhibit a natural ambling gait, and domesticated Pryor Mountain Mustangs are known for their strength, surefootedness and stamina." (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body, it should be expanded)
Major Point 2: History "Feral horses are documented as … which gave the horses additional protection." (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 3: Genetics "considered to be genetically unique and one of the few strains of horses verified by DNA analysis to be descended from the original Colonial Spanish Horses brought to the Americas by the Spanish." & "Genetic studies have revealed that the herd exhibits a high degree of genetic diversity and a low degree of inbreeding, and BLM has acknowledged the genetic uniqueness of the herd." (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 4: Management "The BLM management of the herd has … were given contraceptives to slow herd growth." (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body)
The Pryor Mountain Mustang is a substrain of Mustang considered to be genetically unique and one of the few strains of horses verified by DNA analysis to be descended from the original Colonial Spanish Horses brought to the Americas by the Spanish.
Check for Format of the first sentence (MOS:BOLDTITLE): Done
Check for Proper names and titles: Done
Check for Abbreviations and synonyms (MOS:BOLDSYN): None
As per the above checklist, the issues identified are:
The lead does not provide an accessible overview and does not give relative emphasis.
The lead should be expanded.
"That same year, a private group calling itself the Pryor Mountains Mustang Breeders Association was formed to preserve the gene pool of the herd and establish a registry for Pryor Mountains horses in private hands." (calling itself here has condescending connotations, the section Registry in the source (Lynghaug, p. 105.) says "The Pryor Mountain Mustang Breeders Association (PMMBA) was founded in 1992 to preserve ..." which is a very neutral position, I’d recommend a reparaphrasing to match the position of the source, also it was founded in 1992 not 1994 as is mentioned in the article "That same year")
FIXED --Montanabw
This article is a very promising GA nominee. I’m glad to see your work here. All the best, --Seabuckthorn♥ 21:51, 25 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Seabuckthorn, I'm one of the people who helped edit this article, along with Dana. However, I am a bit concerned with your interpretation of WP:LEAD; while the lead may be improved upon, we are actively discouraged from going for more then 3 to 4 paragraphs, we need to be concise. I did think your comment that a bit on tourism in the lede could be added - that was a good idea and I threw in one sentence about it. I'll also defer to Dana's view, but at present I respectfully disagree with your assessment of the characteristics and genetics summaries, we mention both, though scattered a bit throughout the lede, and I do not really see what's missing -- adding much more would get into into excess detail. However, perhaps I am too close to the content to see it with fresh eyes, so do you have specific suggestions? Montanabw(talk) 06:15, 26 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Hi! Thank you very much for your polite explanation. Our goal is to improve the article and not to incorporate every suggestion given in the review. I'm good in committing mistakes so don't worry. I agree with you that the lead should not be expanded, I misjudged it. Apologies. I'm striking it from the review. But I also feel that the lead gives too much due weight to the history, which I feel may be compressed to make way for the expansion of other points. Lets take Dana's view on this as final. To stress again, the article should be our top most priority and not the review. --Seabuckthorn♥ 07:32, 26 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the review, Seabuckthorn! Montanabw is correct that per WP:LEAD, the lead for an article of this size should be about three paragraphs. However, you are correct that the weighting was a little off. Between Montanabw and I, I think we have managed to get the weighting to a more appropriate level - adding a sentence on the tourism section, trimming the early history a bit and adding more from the management and genetics sections. It's still about the same length (expanded only slightly), but the information contained has changed quite a bit. Would you like to take another look and see what you think of the new version? Dana boomer (talk) 15:12, 27 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good to me if it looks good to everyone else, made a minor tweak to note the Pryor herd is the only feral herd -- plenty of people raising Mustangs in Montana. ;-) Montanabw(talk) 00:21, 28 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! The article looks perfect now. --Seabuckthorn♥ 10:56, 28 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Promoting the article to GA status. --Seabuckthorn♥ 10:56, 28 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]