I want to see the page Wikipedia:Your words are harsh!, about how to comment less aggressively.
Hey! Stop that!
I don't know what's worse, real mean or fake nice.
It should not be your intention to refer to someone without naming them. That is, if you have something to say about someone, either say it outright or don't say it at all. It's best to avoid any statement which would have anyone ask, "Are you talking about <user>?"
And if you have something to say about someone (such as a problem something they did), don't bring it up in places where it didn't come up (such as anywhere that isn't where it began, excepting pages specifically about that user). You should have better things to do than to try and make them look bad in front of as many people as you can.
Always remember that no one cares about your personal issues with another user, they're just here to help out Wikipedia.
After a big fight, it might be a good idea to extend an olive branch and post on your former opponent's talk page what good things you see in them. Cynicism and sarcasm, of course, don't count. ("Um, your signature is nice" is obviously not in the spirit of this suggestion. I don't even see how people get away with this carp. It's unbelievable.)