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- God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Civilization is a disease which is almost invariably fatal.
- The term "human race" indicates that somebody wins and somebody loses.
- Democracy has the obvious disadvantage of merely counting votes instead of weighing them.
- I know many books which have bored their readers, but I know of none which has done real evil.
- It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
- It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism, while the wolf remains of a different opinion.
- Ice-cream is exquisite - what a pity it isn't illegal.
- The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later.
- We tolerate shapes in human beings that would horrify us if we saw them in a horse.
- If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.
- Birth is unethical. You're dooming another human being to die.
- A witty saying proves nothing.
- All the reasonings of men are not worth the single sentiment of a woman.
- Man is a poor creature; he is halfway between an ape and a god and he is travelling in the wrong direction.
- Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.