This peer review discussion has been closed.
Listing this article for peer review as part of my Seasons of Bleach featured topic. As the episodes have not concluded editing, this list cannot become a featured list, and as such, I am bringing the list here to be "audited". If there are no problems you can find, simply note that. The goal is to ensure that the article is sufficiently reviewed for the purposes of the FT. — sephiroth bcr (converse) 03:48, 20 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- The list is in good shape and well on its way to become featured, once complete. -- Goodraise (talk) 04:32, 20 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs)
- FYI, there have been a lot of anon edits between my most recent revision and now that I've reverted, so some of your comments may not apply. — sephiroth bcr (converse) 06:01, 22 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- "After the fight between Ichigo Kurosaki and Grimmjow Jaegerjaques concludes with Ichigo breaking through Grimmjow's strongest attack, Grimmjow attempts to continue the fight, and is attacked by Espada Nnoitra Jiruga." This is a long sentence and has some awkward structure. Consider breaking it up. Also, the noun + -ing ("Ichigo breaking") phrase is ungrammatical.
- "Nnoitra uses Nel as a shield to prevent Ichigo from attacking him, and manages to pin Ichigo to the ground." "manages to" seems like unnecessary wordiness to me. Why not just: "Nnoitra uses Nel as a shield to prevent Ichigo from attacking him, and pins Ichigo to the ground."
- "reveals that she formerly was the third Espada."-->reveals that she was formally the third Espada.
- "Uryū and Renji struggle to fight their clones, as they copy all of their attacks." Comma not necessary.
- "and use Cero Sincrético - a combination attack" Use a dash, not a hyphen.
- "When Neliel attempts to finish off Nnoitra, she transforms back into her child form, and when Ichigo attempts to" Repetition of "attempts to" in the same section is distracting.
- "After releasing his zanpakutō, and transforming into a minotaur-like beast" Comma not necessary.
- "Kenpachi Zaraki shows up out of nowhere"-->Kenpachi Zaraki appears out of nowhere
- "Byakuya cuts the his own tendons" Unnecessary word.
- "Rukia regains consciousness, and Byakuya tells to rest" Missing word.
- "Szayel, his senses heightened as a result of the drug"-->Szayel, whose senses are heightened as a result of the drug
- "He charges Kenpachi, and Kenpachi kills him. "-->He charges Kenpachi, who kills him.
- "Before he leaves, he lets everyone in Hueco Mundo know he's" No contractions please; add "that" after "know".
- Rewrote that entire section that was added by an anon.
Dabomb87 (talk) 23:38, 21 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Think that's it. — sephiroth bcr (converse) 06:01, 22 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- OK, everything looks good from my end. Dabomb87 (talk) 03:32, 24 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Collectonian (talk · contribs)
- What is the source for the season arc name? Is it something put in the original episodes? A TOC would be nice :) Will leave detailed CEing to someone else, but from quick reading, I didn't spot any major issues. Checking the season 9 article, I'm guessing the first DVD hasn't been released hence the lack of image? -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 01:45, 23 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Cut the season name as I didn't find this edit summary very convincing. No need for a TOC with only three sections; only reason I put it in on other articles is to create more room for the DVD image. And naturally, no DVD image as there has been no confirmed release (and I would have the arc name from that too). — sephiroth bcr (converse) 03:16, 24 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Alrighty :) I like TOCs even with three sections, just for easier navigation, but can understand your reason not to have it either. And cool on the removal of the name. Should be find till it starts coming out on DVD. Didn't see any other issues. -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 03:23, 24 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]