No consensus to promote at this time - Hawkeye7 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 02:20, 16 August 2022 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review listReply[reply]

Arthur Phillip[edit]

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Nominator(s): Knightmare 3112 (talk)

Arthur Phillip (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

I am nominating this article for A-Class review because I'd like to get it to FA and at the peer review it was recommended nominating here first Knightmare 3112 (talk) 02:42, 25 March 2022 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Nick-D[edit]

I'm surprised this review hasn't attracted more interest - you might want to advertise it at WT:AUSTRALIA. I'd like to offer the following comments:

• "Serving under Captain Michael Everitt, Phillip also served" - bit repeditive
  • Re-worded those couple sentences to not use serve so much
• The second para of the lead should make some note of Phillip's policy towards and relationships with Indigenous Australians
  • Noted the initial policy and relationships with the Indigenous Peoples
• "Like his predecessor, Lord Germain, he turned to Phillip for advice" - the original advice doesn't seem to have been noted in the article?
  • Re-worded that whole section hopefully makes better sense now
• "Phillip, with Lieutenant Philip Gidley King, took charge of the 64-gun HMS Europa" - this is confusing. Stating what King's role was will clarify it.
  • As above
• " employed him to spy on the French naval arsenals at Toulon and other ports" - what did this involve?
• Why was Phillip selected as the first governor of NSW?
• "whose preference, it was to be supposed, would be requisite at all times" - over complex
  • Re-worded, that was a direct quote from Hunter's book
• The second para in the 'Voyage to Colony of New South Wales' section is currently unreferenced
• There's a 'clarification needed' tag
• "An annual service of remembrance is held at the church around Phillip's birthdate by the Britain–Australia Society." - needs a reference
• The first two paras of the 'Legacy' section are unreferenced
• There needs to be a broader discussion of the historiography covering Philip than just his ADB entry.
• "Sam Neill in the 2005 film The Incredible Journey of Mary Bryant and David Wenham in the 2015 mini-series Banished" - needs a reference
  • Added references for both

Nick-D (talk) 08:09, 17 April 2022 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Knightmare 3112 ? Gog the Mild (talk) 20:23, 1 May 2022 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Gog the Mild what? Knightmare 3112 (talk) 13:22, 2 May 2022 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Have you responded to Nick-D's comments? Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 13:30, 2 May 2022 (UTC)Reply[reply]

Not all of them as I don't currently have access to offline sources Knightmare 3112 (talk) 14:16, 2 May 2022 (UTC)Reply[reply]

CPA[edit]

• Can you merge the first paragraph with the second one?
• "receive medical treatment for kidney stones" --> "receive medical treatment for his kidney stones"?
• Maybe add his role in the Portuguese Navy in the lead?
• "apprentice aboard Fortune, a 210-ton whaling vessel" Which kind of tons?
• "ground for the erection of tents.[52][51][53]" Re-order the refs.
• "receive replies to his dispatches from his superiors in London.[56][clarification needed]" There's a "clarification needed" template here?
• "through gift-giving, hilarity, and dancing, but also by showing them what their guns could do.[72][38]" Re-order the refs here.

That's anything from me. Cheers. CPA-5 (talk) 11:39, 16 July 2022 (UTC)Reply[reply]