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((humorantipolicy|WP:YLT))((nutshell||If for some reason your totalitarian grip over a Wikipedia discussion starts to slip, regain it by using legal threats.))
[[File:Villainc.svg|thumb|200x200px|'''The world is against you.''' The legal system may be your only recourse...if the cunning and lying Wikipedia Admins haven't bribed them yet.]]
Sometimes, you may have some editor who just goes up to your brand new article's talk page and says, "this article you created on the social media influencer [[Foobar|foo]] may not meet [[Wikipedia:Notability|Wikipedia's notability guidelines]]". You try to defend its inclusion to your heart's desire, but the barrage keeps on coming. You complaint to an admin that this person is [[Wikipedia:Canvassing|canvassing]] too much and ruining your hard work, but the admin rules that the article should be deleted. You even [[Wikipedia:No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man|climb the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man]] to illustrate how much control one user has over the article, but when you learn the cunning and mighty Wikimedia Foundation has banned that too, and that the [[Berlin Police|Berlin police]] are on their way to throw you in jail...

'''What do you do now? <s>Your routes are all but exhausted!</s>''' You still have one remedy left: '''[[Wikipedia:No legal threats|Using legal threats.]]'''

In the United States, legal threats are as American as McDonalds, Walmart, the Gap, Apple pie, Baseball, the NFL, Rock and Roll, the Internet, and Bed Bath and <s>Beyond</s>Bankrupt.((efn|[[America, fuck yeah|FUCK YEAH]])) Legal threats on their own aren't even criminal, especially in Texas.<ref>((Cite web |title=Is It Illegal to Threaten Someone with Legal Action in Texas? |url=https://www.bryanlawyer.com/blog/2021/december/is-it-illegal-to-threaten-someone-with-legal-act/ |access-date=2022-09-05 |website=bryanlawyer |language=en))</ref> So why not? Go ahead and sue that wicked, cunning, and communist editor and their mother. They deserve it. They prevented you from erecting a giant digital statue of yourself on "the free encyclopedia".

== What about Wikipedia's Dispute Resolution institutions? ==
[[File:ArbCom logo thumbnail version.png|thumb|The logo of [[Wikipedia:Arbitration Committee|the most corrupt institution in history]]]]Screw them. They always rule against the truly right people. They're a part of the [[New World Order (conspiracy theory)|New World Order]].

You can't trust them. Go ahead buddy, see what suing will do to you.

When you file your lawsuit, consider bringing up Jimbo. <s>Technically, Wikipedia is run by a foundation and not one man</s> He's the head honcho in charge of everything! Sue him as well! In your prayer for relief, use EVERY personal attack in the book. 

Over-dramatize everything <s>those little shits</s> the defendant did to ruin your own life by <s>deleting your absolutely amazing Wikipedia article</s> engaging in the censorship of important information and <s>legally declining</s> illegally refusing [[Freedom of Information Act (United States)|American FOIA requests]]. <s>Wikipedia has terms of use that you agreed to</s> It's your intellectual property anyways; you totally didn't agree to the [[Wikipedia:Terms of use|terms of use]]. Maybe even consider using [[Wikipedia:Warning templates|Wikipedia's warning templates]] in your actual legal filing. I'm SURE the Judge would LOVE THAT!

Just post a legal threat on any talk page and ping the user which tagged you. Maybe even consider emailing Oversight and suggest that all their edits and user page become censored from the rest of public view! <s>They followed policy and didn't do anything wrong</s> They censored your glorious work, it's only fair that you get to censor them! Sample legal threats include:

* "See you in court!"
* "You'll be hearing from my lawyers!"
* "Enjoy your summons and subpoenas! Bombs away, motherfucker!"
* "When I win this lawsuit against you, you won't be entitled to a dime!"

Ignore all the <s>experts and actual lawyers</s> assholes and [[Florida man|Florida men]] who said you'd never win. If [[Liebeck v. McDonald's Restaurants|McDonalds lost a lawsuit because their coffee was too hot]], Wikimedia could totally lose a lawsuit because they censored your glorious work!

== The end result ==
((Further|Wikipedia:Assume bad faith#The end result?))
Congratulations! You've just deceived yourself into getting [[Wikipedia:Blocking policy|blocked from editing Wikipedia]]. Enjoy it while it lasts! You might try to repost your legal threat across every article on Wikipedia, but in the end, kiddo, it's game over for your IP address if you keep threatening the project legally. It's game over also for pretty much EVERY IP you use; your ISP has now caught you red-handed, and your ISP has now banned you. Good luck finding a reasonable cause to sue THEM as well.

Even if you do sue Wikimedia or another editor, [[Frivolous litigation|your lawsuit will probably be thrown out.]] You might even be held accountable for the other party's [[Attorney's fee|attorneys' fees]]. Good luck getting THAT debt off your shoulder; you're essentially ruined for life! Enjoy debt!

'''Seriously though, consider reading and following [[Wikipedia:No legal threats]] before you sue or threaten to sue Wikimedia or a wiki editor.'''

== See also ==
* '''[[Wikipedia:No legal threats]]''' '''(seriously read this)'''
* [[Wikipedia:Assume bad faith]]
* [[Wikipedia:Assume everyone is against you]]
* [[Wikipedia:Assume good wraith]]
* [[Wikipedia:BOLD, revert, revert, revert]]
* [[Wikipedia:Rage quit]]
* [[Wikipedia:You might be wikilawyering if...]]

== Notes ==
((Notelist))

== References ==
((Reflist))
[[Category:Humorous Wikipedia essays]]
[[Category:Wikipedia humor]]
((DEFAULTSORT:Yes_legal_threats))
((Wikipedia Essays|humour))

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