"When searching an area for clues to the crime, in some cases, players can also find newspapers." - not a requirement, but I would write "In some cases, when searching an area for clues to the crime, players can also find newspapers."
"A trailer for L.A. Noire, called "Serial Killer", that shows 90 seconds of gameplay footage as well as a confirming the games actual release date of 17 May" - incomplete sentence; remove "that". Confirmation, maybe? "the games" - "the game's"?
"In addition to the purchasable DLC; a machine gun, "The Chicago Piano" and a bonus suit, "The Chicago Lightning", is available to players that sign up for the Rockstar Social Club." - replace semicolon with a comma, add comma after "The Chicago Piano".
"On 28 September 2011, Rockstar Games announced a PC version of L.A. Noire, dubbed The Complete Edition, it " - start a new sentence or write "containing...", but a comma is incorrect.
"depiction has been criticised on some points by some architectural and social historians" - can you name examples?
Done Have removed that line. Checking the ref it seems to be a self published blog so not suitable, the other ref doesn't appear to have anything to do with the claim. - X201 (talk) 13:10, 11 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]