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Reviewer: Auntieruth55 (talk · contribs) 19:23, 21 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I'll start this in a couple of days. auntieruth (talk) 19:23, 21 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I've read this through and although it seems thorough, it also seems skimpy. I've asked for a second opinion. auntieruth (talk) 16:12, 28 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Given the ship's short time of commissioning, it's not unreasonably short. For a ship this obscure, probably the best thing to do is to use the DANFS entry as a base. You can either rework the text, and cite it as the source, or you can directly quote it, using quotation marks and citations. Some of the text is already copied and needs to be cited with quote marks. There are, however, a number of other issues that need to be addressed.

• I copied in the direct text, and added in links and modified it slightly to make more sense. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 19:17, 29 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

• No DABs, external links now OK.
• Images appropriately licensed
• Lots of links needed, both in the infobox and main body: launched, commissioned, scrapped, displaced, steam turbine, 40 mm guns, 20 mm guns, draft, West Coast, East Coast, decommissioned, 5-inch guns

 Done

• Ships are not "across"; they have have a [[beam (nautical)|]]

 Done

• Move horsepower and boilers to a new "|Ship power=" line in the infobox

 Done

• AKV-20 (Hunter-Killer craft 20) doesn't match the infobox; link to hull classification to explain what it means.

 Done

• What makes navsource.org and hullnumber.com reliable? Personally, I'd just use DANFS and the Sheaffer biography since all it's used for is the nickname.

 Done

• If you can find another source for the CO's, integrate them into the text. Tables or tables of commanders give them undue weight compared to the unit's activities.

  I haven't been able to find the source. Should I just remove the table? Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 19:17, 29 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Yes.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:00, 30 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

• Move the description para in front of the construction to make things flow better.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 23:58, 28 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

 Done

• Sturmvogel 6 I believe I've done everything you asked. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 19:17, 29 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Much better, although I've gone through and fixed a few things for you to expedite matters.
• Note how I switched up the ship's name, "she" and "the ship" in the description para to avoid boring repetition. DANFS does a decent job in the service history, so it reads OK.
• The major problem with using DANFS is that the language sometimes isn't actually NPOV, so trimming can be essential. Since everything in the Service history is from DANFS you need to put each para in quotes. And the same for the construction part of the description para.

 Done

• Don't forget to italicize the ship's name throughout

 Done

• Link Todd-Pacific Shipyards in the main body, AA guns and Hong Kong in both the infobox and main body, and steam turbines and boilers in the infobox

 Done

• Add the number of boilers to the description with a link

 Done

• was reclassified AKV‑20 reclassified "as"--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:58, 30 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

 Done

• Sturmvogel 6 I believe I have done everything. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 01:55, 30 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I went ahead and fixed a couple of things that I forgot to tell you about to speed this up, but I think that I'm done here. Auntieruth, look it over and see if there's anything that strikes you as problematic, but it's all yours from now on.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:44, 30 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

• Instead of full quotes from DANFS, how about paraphrasing? For example:

Mindoro completed her shakedown cruise along the West Coast, and in late January 1946 she cruised to the East Coast of the United States. She arrived in Norfolk, Virginia on 15 February and joined Carrier Division 14, initiating carrier air training operations. In May she joined ships of the 8th Fleet for exercises in West Indian waters.

Since DANFS is PD, a lot of content is quoted verbatim, in many US ship articles. Some GA class articles are almost entirely DANFS. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 15:29, 31 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

In addition, the last sentence of this paragraph, For the remainder of 1946, she patrolled the Atlantic from New England to Cuba, training naval aviators and taking part in anti-submarine Hunter killer exercises." could actually be put into the context of larger naval developments: developing the long-range capacities that joined naval and air force vis a vis the bombers, atomic bombs, etc. Wouldn't need much.....

I have looked for more sources, none to be found that can be considered reliable. I can't do it without it being WP:OR. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 15:29, 31 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

just a thought. Especially since it is was no longer a direct quote (you said you modified it to make sense). Also, this is the third ship of that name; the one that went out of service in 1945 was sunk? decommed? What happened? You link this to a lot of other articles, but textually, it isn't linked to much at all. auntieruth (talk) 13:54, 31 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Auntieruth55: It is [arguably] a direct quote, just changed with minor things, such as putting "on" in front of dates. It is also very rare to discuss what exactly happened to a ship that share this name, unless it is directly linked. For instance the article on the new USS Enterprise might, because the two are both aircraft carriers, and the old Enterprise was famous. But here the previous ones are of little consequence. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 15:29, 31 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]