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I'm not a gamer so please excuse any mistakes; and if I screw up anything in a copyedit feel free to revert.
"a search for Pandora (the key to Pandora's box)": not sure what this means -- Pandora and the key to her box are different things. Does Kratos have to find both Pandora and the key, separately?
- Pandora is the key. In this game, she's an artificial being that was created solely to be sacrificed to open the box.
- There are two problems with the way it's currently phrased: the mythological Pandora is what most readers will think of and you can't say "key to a box" without people thinking of a literal key. How about "Kratos battles monsters, gods, and Titans in a search for Pandora, without whom he cannot open Pandora's box, defeat Zeus and end the reign of the Olympian Gods"? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:31, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"such as the Guitar Hero-esque puzzle": the reader has no other information about this puzzle so I don't think you can say "the"; it would have to be "a". I think a little more information is needed though, unless the puzzle really does consist of Kratos picking up a guitar and synching to a heavy metal track.
- Changed to "a", and as to the second point, kind of. There's these giant things he has to move that strum strings, and you (as the player) have to hit the buttons in time just like in the Guitar Hero games (and doing it correctly plays main God of War theme).
"Kratos' main weapon is the Blades of Exile (initially the Blades of Athena)": does this mean that early in the game the weapon was called the Blades of Athena? Or in earlier installments of the game?
- Both. It's further explained in the Plot section. It's technically a different weapon, but for someone with less knowledge, it's basically the same weapon, just with a cosmetic difference and different attack combinations.
- How about "Kratos' main weapon is the Blades of Exile, which replace the Blades of Athena that he used in the game's previous installments"? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:31, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Made it "Kratos' main weapon is the Blades of Exile, replacing the Blades of Athena used in previous installments and the opening moments of this game." --JDC808 ♫ 03:36, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not a video game player so this may be a dumb question: in "moving the right analog stick as shown by the orange arrow" is it actually the right stick? I ask because it's the character's left arm, not right arm.
- Yes, it is the right analog stick.
"fist gauntlet": I would have expected just "gauntlet" -- or is a "fist gauntlet" a specialized term?
- Fixed. I don't know why we put that redundancy.
"who was banished when Kratos retrieved Pandora's Box from Pandora's Temple of which is still chained to his back": looks like "of" is left over from a previous version of the sentence, and I'd make this "still chained to Cronos's back" to clarify who "his" refers to.
- Okay. The "of" was just to try and clarify that it was the temple that's chained to his back. Out of curiosity, despite the "of", did you understand that it was the temple that's chained to his back?
- I did not understand that, and we should clarify that in the article -- you mean he has a building chained to his back? I'm guessing that this is chained to Cronos's back, not Kratos's back; I only just realized that. Before suggesting a rewrite of that sentence, can you clarify it a bit more? It says "Tartarus is the prison of the dead and the Titan Cronos, who was banished when Kratos retrieved Pandora's Box from Pandora's Temple which is still chained to his back". So Cronos is imprisoned in Tartarus, and Cronos was banished -- to Tartarus? And Cronos was banished when Kratos retrieved the box? Because Kratos retrieved the box? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:44, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Yes, he does have a building (temple) chained to his back. As you saw in the video I linked, the Titans are massive. Here's a pic of Cronos in the first game with the temple on his back. Here's one from this game (couldn't quite find a better one). I think I made it clearer. He was banished to Tartarus after (and because) Kratos retrieved the box from the temple. The whole sentence now says "Tartarus is the prison of the dead where the Titan Cronos was banished after Kratos retrieved Pandora's Box from Pandora's Temple (still chained to the Titan's back) in God of War." --JDC808 ♫ 03:36, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That's improved; I tweaked it a bit more -- I don't think "still" is necessary, though I can see it's accurate; in this context it doesn't help the reader understand what's going on. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:41, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"who appear in the psyche sequence": what does this mean?
- There's a part in the game where the main character (Kratos) blacks out and he has a mental journey through his pysche (explained more towards end of plot).
- I copyedited this to clarify it. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:44, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Pandora's Box is in the Flame of Olympus, and is again key to the success of his quest": why "again"?
- Pandora's Box was the goal to beat the final boss of the first game.
- I added a couple of words to clarify this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:44, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"the actual ending of God of War III envisioned by game director Stig Asmussen": to me, "actual ending" means the one that was created, and "envisioned by" means the original idea, not necessarily what was created. If this means that the actual ending was Asmussen's idea, I'd reword this; perhaps "the actual ending of God of War III, which was based on game director Stig Asmussen's vision".
- Okay. Put your suggestion.
"the code department would swap out PlayStation 2 stuff with PlayStation 3 stuff": suggest "components" for "stuff" as a bit less informal.
"Christer Ericson of SCE Santa Monica Studio wrote on his Twitter page that God of War III has seamless loading; no loading screens and no hard disk drive installation requirement": what does this add to the article? If it's used as a source for there being no loading screens and no hard disk installation requirement I think it doesn't work, for two reasons; first, it's Twitter, which is not a RS for this sort of thing, and second, it appears this was tweeted during development, meaning that it's not a final assessment of the game.
- I'll have to look into the RS situation, because I believe in some cases, it's acceptable. As to what it adds, he was confirming that the final game would not have those (which it doesn't), as some games do.
- Let me know if you can find anything in the RS pages that supports this use of Twitter; I don't think it's appropriate, and I think you could cut this with little harm to the article. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:53, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay, I made a post on the WP:VG project page asking about this. I went ahead and replaced the twitter source with a Eurogamer one. --JDC808 ♫ 03:36, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- WP:VG basically said the twitter post is okay as long as the account does in fact belong to that person. --JDC808 ♫ 00:35, 18 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"reporting improved lighting and motion blur in the final release": I don't understand the reference to motion blur. There was less motion blur? If so, let's make it "reporting improved lighting and reduced motion blur in the final release".
- They added motion blur. In video games, motion blur makes it more realistic.
- I see. So how about "reporting improved lighting and realistic motion blur in the final release"? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:53, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"SCE Santa Monica Studio announced the God of War III Ultimate Edition'": should "the" be deleted?
- I'm not entirely sure. I understand what you're saying, but usually whenever it's a special edition of games or movies or whatever, it seems there's always a "the". Maybe they're incorrect about it. Just an example, the source for the trilogy edition one says "the God of War III Ultimate Trilogy Edition".
Any reason not to name the winner of the ultimate God of War fan contest?
- I don't believe that source actually says the winner (would have to check), but since the winner isn't a "notable person", I didn't think it was necessary to include the winner.
- No problem; just thought it could be mentioned if the name was available. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:53, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- "On May 4, 2010, it was reported that the site was a teaser and the official website for the second PlayStation Portable title in the series, God of War: Ghost of Sparta": I don't think I follow this. Did spartansstandtall.com initially have one set of content and then change? Also, for non-gamers, saying "the second PlayStation Portable title" is confusing -- not being familiar with the hardware, I didn't realize that this was the next game in the series; I thought it was the second game, meaning it had been released earlier.
- When people first went to the website, it was basically just a torrential rain animation with a timer. Then on May 4, the full website became available. As to the "second game" issue, is it clearer now?
- OK, I understand what you mean now. But you don't have a source for the date you give, as far as I can tell, and the website is now the website for Ascension, so I think you need a source to indicate that for a while it was the official website for Ghost of Sparta. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:21, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay, a source is there now. --JDC808 ♫ 03:36, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That's improved, but I'd cut the parenthetical "(at the time)", or if you happen to know when it stopped being the game's website, give that date too. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:41, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay. I'm not sure when it stopped. I'll try and see if there's any articles that make note of when it stopped. --JDC808 ♫ 00:35, 18 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"praising the way the Titans are larger than entire levels in other games": I don't understand this. The Titans are characters, not levels; or does this mean that defeating a Titan is considered a level in the game?
- More along the lines of your second question. There are parts in the game where Kratos is traversing like the arms of a Titan, or even going inside of one. Might be easier to see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBk_Pzkui5Y at about the 2:45 mark.
- Very helpful. How about "IGN's Chris Roper said that God of War III "practically redefines" scale in video games, singling out the size of the Titans, which are "larger than entire levels in other games", for special mention? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:21, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I don't think you can say "universal critical acclaim" if you later say the plot had mixed reviews.
- You're not the first who has questioned this. Games are universal acclaim if they have an aggregate score of 90-100 (movies, TV, and music are 81-100) as calculated by Metacritic. Here's where it shows that (http://www.metacritic.com/about-metascores), just scroll down a little bit. --JDC808 ♫ 22:34, 15 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- OK, but you still can't say it received universal critical acclaim -- it didn't. What it received was a Metacritic score that is described by Metacritic as "universal critical acclaim", which is a different thing altogether. I'd suggest cutting the sentence altogether and starting with Adam Sessler's comments; you have the Metacritic score in the box on the right. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:26, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've made the first sentence say "God of War III received universal critical acclaim as calculated by review aggregator Metacritic, receiving a score of 92 out of 100." --JDC808 ♫ 03:36, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Sorry, I don't think that does it (and I realized this is in the lead as well as the first section). We can't have text that says the game received universal critical acclaim; if we're going to use that phrase, it would have to be something like "the game received a Metacritic score described by Metacritic as universal critical acclaim", which I don't think is worth including. It's fine to include the Metacritic score, and it's fine to make it clear that that's a very high score, but the reader shouldn't be under the impression that it was universally praised. I would assume that most video gamers know very well what the phrase "universal critical acclaim" means in the context of a Metacritic score, but many readers won't be gamers so the text has to work for them too. I'd suggest cutting it completely, or if it's truly notable that the score was 92, find a source that says that, and write it that way without using the phrase. If you really feel you have to use the phrase in the article text it has to be crystal clear it's just Metacritic's internal name for the score range, which is why I don't think it's worth mentioning. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:41, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've made a post at WP:VG regarding this because I know there are other video game articles that also have this and I'm going to see how they resolved this issue.--JDC808 ♫ 00:35, 18 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- After getting responses from WP:VG and being linked to a large discussion of the same issue, they basically just said to drop "universal" and if I include "universal", state its Metacritic who says that. So "universal" was dropped, but made note that Metacritic describes their score as "universal acclaim". --JDC808 ♫ 01:05, 18 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
OK, I'm done with a first pass. After we deal with these I will do another copyedit pass. Haven't yet looked at the sources. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:41, 15 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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