Nicoll Highway collapse (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)
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As of 10 February 2024, 01:34 (UTC), this page is active and open for discussion. An FAC coordinator will be responsible for closing the nomination.
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- Nominator(s): ZKang123 (talk) 04:45, 25 January 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
The Nicoll Highway collapse was a major construction accident in Singapore which killed four people, and it subsequently led to a revision of safety construction practices in the country. This article has expanded from just a start-class with more information regarding the circumstances of the collapse, the rescue efforts and the subsequent inquiry into the collapse. Despite its significance, there remains few international commentary on the incident (not even a memorial nor further acknowledgement of the collapse), with other independent sources and commentaries only from an engineering perspective rather than a political one. I welcome all to review.--ZKang123 (talk) 04:45, 25 January 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
Image review
- File:Nicoll_Highway_collapsed_site.png: the unique historic images tag is typically used for cases where the image itself has been the subject of commentary - that doesn't appear to be the case here. Nikkimaria (talk) 06:32, 25 January 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
- How should it be retagged, however? Non-free fair use?--ZKang123 (talk) 06:50, 25 January 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
- Yep, the generic tag works. Nikkimaria (talk) 22:32, 25 January 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
- @Nikkimaria: Fixed.--ZKang123 (talk) 09:38, 26 January 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
Gerald Waldo Luis
Am only able to edit on occassion so apologies for forgetting about your prev FAC lol. Anyway, here are some of my thoughts. I've put invisible comments to divide my comments based on sections.
- So the first three sentences are repetitive: "...leading to the collapse of... The collapse killed... The collapse was caused..." Maybe change the second sentence to "Four workers were killed and three injured"
- "and the Nicoll Highway"-- rm "the"
- In the infobox, the line break between the three officials and the LTA guy leaves an empty space as I see it; feels a bit weird. I suppose it's cuz of the "be"?
- "from the city"-- I don't think 'the city' is accurate wording here? I mean, Singapore is the city. Just writing it as it is ("central business district") should be fine.
- Also suggest linking it to the specific CBD.
- Link cut-and-cover, marine clay
- "The missing included a foreman" --> "They included a foreman", just a sentence ago you effectively established you're talking about the missing.
- Should kV (kilovolt) be linked?
- I don't think so, given metre and other measurements aren't linked similarly.--ZKang123 (talk) 07:56, 25 January 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
- "After rescuing the three injured people at the site"-- rm "at the site", its repetitive, re: the previous sentence's "at the site."
- "he praised the coordination between the SCDF and the Public Utilities Board (PUB) for the ongoing rescue efforts. While initially shocked by the incident, Goh was relieved by the small number of fatalities." --> "he praised the coordination between the SCDF and the Public Utilities Board (PUB) for the ongoing rescue effort, and expressed relief by the small number of fatalities." I don't think "While initially shocked by the incident" adds much; it would be noteworthy if he's not shocked instead.
- "and grouting"-- there is a redirect for grouting
- "and led to the halting of search operations" --> "and halted the search."
- "a grown-up daughter and a son"-- I remember an FA guy telling me this is an example of being specific at one point and ambiguous at another. I don't think the "grown-up" part is needed, especially when the other kids are not specified.
KN2731
Reviewing per ZKang's request. I hope I'll have enough time to look thoroughly, will probably focus on criteria 1a/b/c; response times may be longer than usual (time difference + schoolwork) so please ping if I don't reply to something in like >3 days. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 01:51, 9 February 2024 (UTC)Reply[reply]
Stuff on first read through:
- Infobox 15:30 to 3.30 pm for consistency
- "At the time, the construction project entailed Singapore's most extensive attempt at cut-and-cover excavation in a 40 m (130 ft) layer of soft marine clay." Couple issues: first, specifying the depth of marine clay makes the record sound oddly specific - perhaps move the numbers to the next sentence, since the rest of the geological context is already there; second, "most extensive" gives the impression of horizontal area instead of vertical depth (which I see is what the report asserts) - should probably be reworded
- 'constructed using the "bottom-up" method' - why not simply "constructed from the bottom up"?
- "Gas supply to the damaged pipe was shut off" - as a result of the damage, or as a precautionary measure after it was noticed that the pipe had been damaged?
- 66kV missing a space
- Check Oxford comma use - I see "a wife, two young children, his mother and nine siblings", also "steel king posts, walers and struts"
- Speaking of walers - I suppose it's a type of structural beam (and not the horse) - is there anywhere to link that to? Also king post can be linked. I guess a reader has enough context to infer the purpose of these structures, but it'd probably be appreciated to get a link that leads to diagrams or clearer descriptions as to what exactly they are.
- Adjust rounding for distance conversions in §Incident, to avoid false precision
- "expressed relief by" --> "expressed relief at"
- "For monitoring purposes, [etc.]" This sentence looks too closely paraphrased for comfort
- I was going to ask if the "readings that were still below trigger values at 3 pm" were recorded at exactly 3 pm (which would then need to be written as 3:00 pm), but I see that's Straits Times' issue instead.
- Check currency rounding (everywhere) - like with the distances, too many significant figures
- "Prior to the collapse, [etc.]" maybe this sentence could be split somewhere? I get the information fine, but I think we're in the territory where the lack of commas may be too much for some.