The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was not promoted by Matthewedwards 00:34, 30 May 2009 [1].

List of Nabari no Ou chapters[edit]

Nominator(s): ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C}

Featured list candidates/List of Nabari no Ou chapters/archive1

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I've compared it to other Featured chapter lists and I think I've got everything. Prose looks fine to me, but there's probably an issue or two with it. I'm sure it's long enough too, at ten items. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 03:05, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

No support or opposition, restarted on 21:44, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Goodraise (talk · contribs)
General

~~The date format is inconsistent.~~
- Fixed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 17:58, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - What about the references? -- Goodraise (talk) 17:59, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - Fixed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 22:58, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"[who] possesses a powerful secret art within him" - I find this confusing. How can one possess an art?
- Attempted to fix. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 17:58, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - Still confusing. -- Goodraise (talk) 18:04, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - Tried again. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 18:42, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      - Still not there. -- Goodraise (talk) 22:11, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        How about now? 22:18, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
        OK, now that I understand it... How is that important enough for the first paragraph? What are the consequences? Does it give him some kind of super powers or what? -- Goodraise (talk) 22:36, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        Is that okay? ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 22:50, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        I'm still not happy with that sentence. How is it relevant that he doesn't know about his powers? Is that condition permanent? Does he find out about it during the story? What is "Nabari"? - The lead should be able to stand on it's own. As it is now, I need to read the summaries to understand the lead. -- Goodraise (talk) 00:08, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        I think kind of got it now. I had to write two sentences. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 01:19, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        We're getting closer. Maybe something more along the lines of: "The story's plot follows Miharu Rokujo, a fourteen-year-old student, who becomes king of the hidden ninja world Nabari because the means to control all of creation is written onto his cells as he tries to escape the peril of his new position by searching for a non-leathal way to remove his ability." -- Goodraise (talk) 01:44, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        Ah yes! That's so much better. Your sentence construction skills best mine. Added that. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:06, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        Hmm, I had not intended that to be a possible end product, but I'll let this go for now. Let's see if another reviewer finds it inadequate. Maybe I'm just overzealous. -- Goodraise (talk) 00:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        Yea, rewriting that is beyond my ability. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 00:40, 24 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
~~Noting drama CD adaptations is a bit uncommon. Maybe remove the mention?~~
- I only did that to fit DYK requirements. Removed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 17:58, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
~~"Since its premiere" -> "Since the series' permiere"~~
- Fixed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 17:58, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
~~The article is overlinked.~~
- I think I got that. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 17:58, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - Miharu Rokujo should be linked in the lead. Additionally linking him in the caption is not a deal breaker. -- Goodraise (talk) 00:08, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
~~"14-year-old" - Looks ugly. Change to "fourteen-year-old"?~~

-- Goodraise (talk) 20:05, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

- Fixed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 18:42, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Added one more comment. -- Goodraise (talk) 18:04, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Summaries

"Miharu Rokujo is attacked by Iga's Grey Wolf ninja organization from Nabari" - Who is Iga?
- Fixed.
"a world "underneath" where society is known as the front world" - Why is underneath quoted? What does that mean, "underneath"? And what society is this referring to?
- I quoted it originally because technically you can't be underneath society. Fixed anyways.
"secret art the Shinra Banshou" - Is this missing a comma after "art"?
- Added comma.
"all of creation" - This wording is already used in the lead. It seems like it's some kind of semi-quote. What does it mean, "all of creation"? Is it everything or maybe less? Maybe I'm over the top again, but if it doesn't come from the manga, it could be considered POV towards creationism.
- The wording is quoted from the manga. Shinra Banshou actually means 'All Things in Nature'
"but Thobari stops her flow of power" - This is confusing. How does one stop the flow of "power" from something written onto someone's cells?
- Changed to "but Thobari prevents this".
"Miharu must learn ninjutsu and become Nabari's ruler" - Why must he do that?
- Fixed.
"the samurai Raimei Shimizu from Fuuma Village" - What is Fuuma Village?
- Fixed.
"Raimei and the Banten ninjas decide to ask Kotarō Fuuma's opinion" - Who are the Banten ninjas and who is Kotarou Fuuma?
- Fixed.
"As they approach the village" - What village?
- Fixed.
"the Grey Wolves attacked Fuuma" - Clarify here that Fuuma Village was attacked, not Kotarō Fuuma.

I hate the fact they're named the same. Fixed.

"to search for the village's kinjutsushō, forbidden technique, in Kotarō's absence" - I can only speculate what this means. There's a grammar problem here that keeps me from understanding this sentence.

These are the rough problems with the first summary. TBH, this isn't looking good. I suspect the other summaries aren't better, which means that the whole list needs to be rewritten as not to confuse a reader like me, who doesn't know the manga. And after that, the list will need a copy-edit. (It needs one now as well, but there is not much point to doing it until the prose is accessible.) -- Goodraise (talk) 04:48, 24 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I actually laughed when I saw the edit summary. I expected this. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 20:19, 24 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: the ISBN hyphenation for the seventh and eighth English volumes is incorrect, and should be 978-0-316-*. Yes, I am aware of what the Yen Press site says; no, I do not believe they are correct. Full reasoning here; the Yotsuba&! page not referenced there is here. 67.175.50.253 (talk) 23:09, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 17:58, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Almost, anyway. Fixed for real now. 67.175.50.253 (talk) 18:15, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thanks! ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 18:42, 19 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from User:NocturneNoir

Resolved comments from NocturneNoir

English language adaptation information of the anime is non-relevant to a chapter list.
- Fixed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Yen Press will be releasing the first collected volume of the series in May 2009. You should specify "in North America".
- Added. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Needs an ((inc-up)) template.
- Added. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

More later when I actually read the summaries. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 05:53, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Miharu Rokujo is attacked by the ninja village Iga's Grey Wolf organization from Nabari, a world unknown to most people . Careful, you've got an extra space there at the end.
- Got rid of it.
She tells Miharu to fulfill his greatest desire, but Thobari prevents this. Wait, is "she" referring to "Shinra Banshou"? If so, how can an art be personified like that? (Yes, it's a Japanese manga, but it still needs clarification.) Additionally, would that desire be important enough to mention?
- Is "spirit of the Shinra Banshou. She" better? Reworded: "to draw from her powers to fulfill his greatest desire"
Soon after, the samurai Raimei Shimizu from the ninja village Fuuma is not convinced Miharu will not succumb to the Shinra Banshou's power and vows to kill him if he joins the Grey Wolves. Fix the double negative. And how on earth is a samurai from a ninja village?
- Fixed. "believes Miharu might succumb to the Shinra Banshou's power" added "dislikes ninjutsu and has chosen to become a samurai"
Raimei, Miharu, Thobari and Aizawa decide to ask the leader of Fuuma Village, Kotarō Fuuma, his opinion on the Shinra Banshou's removal. Ignoring the material within commas, this reads Raimei, Miharu, Thobari and Aizawa decide to ask the leader of Fuuma Village his opinion on the Shinra Banshou's removal. which sounds extremely awkward and needs to be reworded.
- "for his opinion".
As they approach Fuuma Village, they learn Kotarō is not at the village and that the Grey Wolves attacked Fuuma Village to search for the village's kinjutsushō Wouldn't this logically go the other way around, as in As they approach Fuuma Village, they learn that the Grey Wolves attacked Fuuma Village to search <blah blah blah> so Kotarō is not at the village?
- Actually, the Grey Wolves attacked because Kotarō wasn't home. "As they approach Fuuma Village, they learn the Grey Wolves attacked Fuuma Village to search <dadada> because Kotarō has left the village."?
With them is Yoite With the wolves or with Raimei, Miharu, Thobari and Aizawa?
- Fixed.
Before Yoite can kill Thobari, Kotarō returns. Wait, they're fighting now?
- Fixed that.

First chapter only. More to come if I find the time. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 19:44, 27 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Link those characters; I had no idea what was going on for the entirety of the first volume and I couldn't click on links to find out. Unless they were linked before or don't have a section on the character list page, they should be linked at their first instance. (Be careful with your later links for cover characters; some people may consider linking characters twice overlinking, while I don't really have an opinion on this). Might also want to link the first instance of samurai and the like.
- A comment on the linking of characters: While they should definately be linked if they have entries on the character list, I don't think that is enough. Unless a character has appeared before the first volume, I would expect a chapter list to be accessible without consultation of the character list. -- Goodraise (talk) 20:10, 27 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Replies. I'm still unsure on who to wikilink. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 22:08, 27 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Wikilink the first instance each character appears (i.e. the first time, a reader will encounter each character) and introduce them generally as Goodraise said. If you still can't do this, let me know so I can wikilink for you. If I wikilink, you'll still have to add the character intros yourself though.

Attempted.

Well done. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 22:33, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thobari prevents this. I prefer Thobari prevents him from doing so.
- Fixed.
As his teacher Thobari Kumohira and classmate Kouichi Aizawa protect him From ninjas? What kinda school is he attending!? (Yes, this is a semi-serious comment.) And when, if ever, do these guys go to Nabiri and how do they do so?
- Added "from the ninja". "middle school"?
  - Wikilinking helped solve this. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 22:33, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The more I read this, the more confused I get. Maybe this manga is like Speed Grapher in its insanity... ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 00:18, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It's just everything in the series is so vague (And my writing skills are terrible). ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 14:36, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Nabari, a world unknown to most people I'm 100% uncertain what Nabari is; is it an alternate reality, a completely separate world, another dimension, etc.?
- "Nabari, a ninja world living in the shadows of normal society"?
  - You still haven't answered my question. "living in the shadows" - Does this mean that the world is part of Earth, except we just don't see it? ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 22:33, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - "the underground culture ninja live in"? Probably the hardest thing to define in the entire series.
In exchange, Kira slowly drains the user's life until the user dies. Not so sure this is relevant.
- Well, it's not relevant to the first volume, but it becomes relevant in the second. Should I move it there?
  - Yep. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 22:33, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - Moved.
I'm pretty sure the plural of "ninja" is "ninjas".
- It can be either way. I prefer the "ninja" pluralization became it's a Japanese word.

I share Goodraise's concern. I will look at other volumes when I get a chance, but the first volume looks good now. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 22:33, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

3 replies. This doesn't look good at all. ;P ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:07, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Please hold until nominator has a chance to respond.

Not accusing, but just checking: you're not repeating significant strings of text in these boxed plots from elsewhere without full acknowledgment, and even quotation marks, are you? WP's Signpost has a big article on "borrowing" and "paraphrasing" text in last week's edition. Is it possible to paragraph some of those boxed grey masses of text, logically? Not always, but look for a few opportunities with the big ones.
- As with all WP:ANIME FLCs, this shows no evidence of being copied from another source. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 11:59, 29 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Lead: remove "story's". And this opening is a bobbydoozler winding snake ... so many links in the chain that I'm dizzy. "The story's plot follows Miharu Rokujo, a fourteen-year-old student, who becomes king of the hidden ninja world Nabari because the means to control all of creation is written onto his cells as he tries to escape the peril of his new position by searching for a non-lethal way to remove his ability." Tony (talk) 06:24, 29 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- None of it is copied from another source. And I removed story's. I really don't know how to make the sentence less confusing. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 19:42, 29 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I sat down and decided to read this, but then didn't. Unfortunately, real life^TM decided to interfere, so I simply haven't had the time to comment. But I'm back!

Although Fuuma Village is dedicated to preventing the Shinra Banshou's use, Kotarō admits he wants to use it as it allows Miharu to surpass human understanding. Try Although Fuuma Village is dedicated to preventing the Shinra Banshou's use, Kotarō admits he wants to use it as because it would allow Miharu to surpass human understanding. And are you sure Kotarō wishes to use it, as "he wants to use it" implies, and not Kotarō wants Miharu to use it?
- Well, Kotarō is saying "if I had it I'd use it". I guess it's to emphasize how the man really isn't on their side or something? "Although Fuuma Village is dedicated to preventing the Shinra Banshou's use, Kotarō admits he would use the Shinra Banshou if it were in his possesion because it allows one to surpass human understanding."?
  - If he only "mentions" this, I have some WP:WEIGHT concerns, but I can't judge without reading the series.
    - The only significance is Kotarō wanting to use it in some way. "Although Fuuma Village agrees to help prevent the Shinra Banshou's use, Kotarō is not completely dedicated the cause." I'm iffy about using "the cause"
Such a thing can be considered "God". EH!? Miharu can become God? What?
- Kind of random. I don't know why I put it there. I think it's a direct quotation, so I guess. More pressure on Miharu? I removed it.
Kotarō and Hattori declare that they must obtain the kinjutsushō before the other. Firstly, it should be the other does. Second, is there only one kinjutsushō? That's what it sounds like here.
- Well, there's five (I think). But kinjutsushō is a Japanese word and cannot be pluralized (or something like that). I'm afraid Jump Guru will kill me if I do. I'll add a number.
Kouichi, Raimei, and Miharu return to Banten Village. Where? Why? Why do we care?
- It's there because of another fear. I'll remove it.
Thobari claims Kotarō's methods cause too many casualties. Kotarō, however, believes Thobari is too naïve and kind You can probably combine these two sentences.
- "Thobari claims Kotarō's methods cause too many casualties, but Kotarō believes Thobari is too naïve and kind"
he is trying to do something he is incapable of. I can guess which he is he, but there are too many hes, making he confusing. (Clarify which he you are referring to; you can either do this once or twice, depending on which you clarify).
- "Thobari is trying to do something he is incapable of."
  - Alright, what exactly is he incapable of? Not causing casualties?
    - "Thobari is trying to something beyond his capability: fight a war without harming anyone."
In Banten, Yoite knocks Kouichi and Raimei out. Err, context?
- Removed. Didn't contribute much.
When Yoite dies, the fragments and those carrying them also die. I told you to copypaste this, didn't I? Needs some context; why don't you just tell the reader that he threatens to kill Kouichi and Raimei?
- Because the group would die when Yoite dies, the rest of the series (Read: Up to volume 10) is spent trying to beat the clock. IMO, it's a bit different. Now says "When Miharu starts to refuse, Yoite tells Miharu that Kira left fragments of Yoite's ki in Thobari, Raimei, and Kouichi. When Yoite dies, they will also die."
Miharu agrees to help and Yoite promises to make Miharu Nabari's king. Help... Yoite?
- Fixed.

Anyway, sorry for the off-kilter comments. I'm tired, it's late, etc. More later when I'm less tired and more sane. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 04:20, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Any kind of comment is good for me. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:34, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Responded to a few. I'm so utterly confused by this that I would like the aid of other capable reviewers, if possible. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR _{talk // contribs} 19:32, 14 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I added a request on the project's talk. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 21:00, 14 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I'm neutral on this one after reading it very carefully. Non native English readers may need to re-read of the beginning to get in the train as i did. I guess it can't be help with the numerous in-universe terms present (no criticism here) --KrebMarkt 22:02, 14 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dabs; please check the disambiguation links identified in the toolbox. Dabomb87 (talk) 02:39, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

There's no actual article for underground culture. So I don't know how to fix that. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 21:53, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Collectonian (talk · contribs)

Considering this is an on-going series, isn't there an offiical site listing the release dates rather than just Amazon (and why is it listed as Amazon.com instead of Amazon.co.jp)? Square Enix is usually good about having official pages.
- I can answer this one. They have official page [2] but to get the ISBN & release date you have to use Amazon links (Evil money scheme) --KrebMarkt 06:18, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - They do like to hide it more, but Square Enix does publish it on their site. I remember having to hunt it down for another series to replace ANN links....searching....searching...found :-) -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 06:27, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - Ok i will fix it. Don't you need some sleep ? Fear Zombie No sleep Collectonian ;) --KrebMarkt 06:49, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - Done
      - I looked for it but I didn't find it. Thanks!
Checked FUR on image, looks good.
The plot summary sentence in the lead, "The plot follows Miharu Rokujou, a fourteen-year-old student, who becomes king of the hidden ninja world Nabari because the means to control all of creation is written onto his cells as he tries to escape the peril of his new position by searching for a non-lethal way to remove his ability." is too long and gets confusing. Maybe break into two sentences.
- Didn't do much to it. "The plot follows Miharu Rokujou, a fourteen-year-old student who becomes king of the hidden ninja world Nabari because the means to control all of creation is written onto his cells. He tries to escape the peril of his new position by searching for a non-lethal way to remove his ability."
  - It still isn't really clear to me. It took me several sentences to get the idea. Why is position "perilous" and how can the means to control all of creation be written into his cells? Why does make him king of a ninja world rather than the whole world? Might be good to note that he hold the Shinra Banshou. From the summaries, it seems he is nearly killed first, then made king? -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 22:50, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - "The plot follows Miharu Rokujou, a fourteen-year-old student who becomes able to control all of creation because a secret art called the Shinra Banshou has merged with his body. He tries to escape those wishing to posses the Shinra Banshou by searching for a non-lethal way to remove it."
Why doesn't the lead mention the French license nor the seeming novel adaptation?
- Fixed the non-English licensor (France & Taiwan) --KrebMarkt 06:49, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - D: There's a novel adaption!
    - There seemed to be one from the Square Enix pages? -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 22:50, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I'd move the sentences on English license and serialization to the third paragraph, and move the Japanese tankōbon release info up to the second paragraph after the first sentence, to better follow the ordering seen in other FL chapter lists and keep it more cohesively organized.
- Gotcha.
The unreleased chapters section has no serialization info to identify where they were found. Adding a sentence along the lines of "They were originally serialized in issues of Monthly GFantasy from month year to month year." (see List of Bleach chapters for an example of this in another FL on-going series).
- Got it.
Kotodama should probably be in italics in that note

Will go through the volume list section later. -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 03:06, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Some half-joking replies. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 21:53, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Few replies. Others confirmed fixed. :) -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 22:50, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

+1 reply. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 22:59, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Prose looks OK. Next time, please aim for slightly shorter sentences overall. Most are of reasonable length, but the longest 20% are needlessly hard. I lose the sense of a table when the plot texts are so long, but maybe this is a well-accepted format. Tony (talk) 15:12, 17 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
That goes along the way of my first comment. If some sentences could be a bit shorter, i will pass from Neutral to Supportive for this FL review. Thanks --KrebMarkt 21:29, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- That certainly motivates me. ;P Let's see what I can do. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 21:58, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - The big chunk to chew it the first summary which determine to reader understanding for the rest of the list. I tested with tool the readability of the whole list and it ok [3] but if i check just the first summary :( [4]. I had to copy paste the summary into my user space to use the tool. Hoping to have been helpful. --KrebMarkt 22:20, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - It's extremely helpful. I was tweaking the first summary and I improved it a couple of points (http://toolserver.org/~dispenser/cgi-bin/readability1.4.py?page=User%3AItzjustdrama%2FClean-up) I still don't think it's good enough. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:49, 24 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) I admit I've been avoiding this FLC because of all the anime I would have to read, but I don't want this to fail because of lack of commentary. So, I'll review the lead and three chapters right now, two chapters later today, and the rest on tomorrow and Monday.

"it was announced that Yen Press licensed the manga for an English language release in North America" Do we not know who announced this?
- Fixed
"July 29, 2008 with five Square Enix titles including Nabari no Ou." Comma after "titles".
- Added
Please check the toolbox, I see disambiguation links that need to be fixed.
- Well, there isn't an article to underground culture. Fixed anyway.
"control ~~all of~~ creation."
- Removed.
"Kotarō is not completely dedicated the cause." Missing "to".
- Added
"The Grey Wolf leader Tojūrō Hattori declares the Grey Wolves" Needs "that" after "declares".
- Added
"To remove the Shinra Banshou, the kinjutsushō are key."-->The kinjutsushō are key in removing the Shinra Bansho.
- Fixed
"Thobari is trying to something beyond his capability: fight a war without harming anyone." Who makes this generalization?
- Fixed
"At a conference, Thobari has an opening to kill the target." I think "finds" is better than "has" here. Dabomb87 (talk) 21:35, 23 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 22:06, 23 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"Although Oda has control of Yoite's secrets, Yoite's mind is too unstable and he attacks indiscriminately." I don't see the logical connection of these two facts. Is there blackmail involved?
- Fixed.
"revealing Katō as a Fuuma Village spy" "as"-->to be
- Fixed.
"She agrees locate Banten Village's kinjutsushō Engetsurin." Missing word.
- Fixed.
"Disabling the teacher, Yukimi and Raikō go downstairs." "Disabling" doesn't sound like the right word here.
"Meanwhile, the teacher shoots Kouichi kills him." Missing word(s).
- Fixed.
"Miharu is given the wisdom to fulfill Yoite's wish; instead Miharu saves Yoite's life" How does he recieve this wisdom?
- Fixed.
"she demands Daya" Demands Daya to do what?
- Fixed.
"After, Thobari looks"-->Afterward, Thobari looks
- Fixed.
"Yukimi gets a list of Hattori's past"-->Yukimi receives a list of Hattori's past
- Fixed.
"Yukimi finds the half-brother of Sora, the boy Yoite used to be." This is very confusing. Did Yoite switch bodies or something?
- Fixed.
"However, Miharu refuses" Comma after here.
- After refuses?
  - Yes. Dabomb87 (talk) 01:18, 25 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Can you cite Note 1? It shouldn't be hard. Dabomb87 (talk) 00:09, 25 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Sources look good. Dabomb87 (talk) 00:09, 25 May 2009 (UTC) Got all but one. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 00:58, 25 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose in its current form. Far too many grammar errors - needs a good copyedit before coming to flc. In addition, despite the specialized nature of the topic, I believe that the prose in the chapter description could be made much more clear to the lay reader. As it is, it's enormously confusing. Examples of grammar and stylistic issues, aside from the two minor fixes I made to the lead:

"Thobari is trying to ? something beyond his capability"
"When the clan's head refused to step down, she and her husband were accidentally killed." lacks clarity as to who 'she' is
"a panacea that uses the brains of ninja children." doesn't make sense, needs clarification, uses the brains for what, and in what way is it a panacea?

... interrupted, more later. Geraldk (talk) 11:03, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"Yoite suggests Raikō he should use Daya to help Gau"
"When visiting Yukimi, Miharu starts to remember he erased someone. As Yukimi remembers he forgot about someone, the erasure was not properly done." unclear use of 'he' in the first sentence makes this passage confusing.
Also, why is there no plot information filled in for the chapters not yet in tankōbon format? They have been publicly released in a different format, so it should be possible to summarize their plots as well. Geraldk (talk) 12:41, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- There isn't a plot summary for those to avoid blow-by-blow summaries of recent chapters, and the constant updating. Other FLC chapter lists, such as List of Gantz chapters and List of Fullmetal Alchemist chapters do not summarize the chapters either. Although I do agree with my stylistic issues. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 16:07, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - I see. That makes sense. You're running up against the wall here with the nomination, so if it fails, I just want to encourage you to seek out a thorough copy-edit and then re-nominate it. It is a well done list, just has some prose issues. Geraldk (talk) 16:36, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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