- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have done extensive work on the article (See [here], and [here] for what the article looked like before I got ahold of it,) and would love to see what else the article needs for improvements. One section that I would love to get an opinion on is the "Songs" section. I had at one point made sub-sections for each song (See [here for latest revision with the edits], before another editor changed it, which I still am not sure on. Another section I'd like to get feedback on is the "Tour" section, as I am not really all that sure on what the section specifically needs. I am pretty much looking for ANY sort of feedback I can get for this article.
Thank you so much, and anyone's views are appreciated! CarpetCrawler (talk) 22:51, 1 October 2008 (UTC)
Giggy
[edit]- Rather than using "#1", use "number one" (except in tables of chart figures); it reads easier and looks better
Done - "("Don't Lose My Number" wasn't released as a single in the UK)" - I doubt this is important enough to mention in the lead Done
- Billboard needs to be in italics (MOS:ITALICS, magazines) Done
- "and the three singles that were released in the UK all reached the top 20 on the UK charts." --> "while the three singles released in the UK reached the top 20 there." or something like that Done
- ""No Jacket Required" features various guest vocalists" - album, italics Done
- Not sure if you need to say which song the performers appeared on, just that they were there (in the lead, at least) Done
- Films also need italics Done
- The lead doesn't really talk about the album itself. The musical content, lyrics, etc.
- No information on recording, production, development of the album as a whole (in the lead, or in its own section)? Done Each song has information about the production in its own sections
- "The Maître d' argued that the jacket wasn't "proper".[4] The Maître d' who refused service at the famed..." - wikilink stuff the first time it's used Done
- "The Maître d' who refused service at the famed "Table Number One" was named George Montgomery, and he passed away in 1992." - on second thoughts, is this relevant? (or sourced?) Done Took it out
- TV programs also need italics :) Done
- Reception section can probably be beefed up a fair bit. Take a look at some other album FAs for ideas. Done
- Commas always out outside brackets (see some of my edits...). Done
Hope these help. Will look again some time soon. Giggy (talk) 08:09, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
Comments from Scartol
This article is looking good; it's clear that you've devoted a lot of time and effort to making it better. Kudos for your dedication. I hope my comments here will help as you continue to improve it.
Taking an article to FA status can be very rewarding, but be prepared for a lot of work. The most important thing is for you to check and re-check and double-check and triple-check everything yourself, to catch simple mistakes so other editors don't have to. If you haven't already done so, read some existing Featured Articles about albums and see how they've done things. No two FAs are identical, but you can get some rough ideas about how to proceed. (Keep in mind that articles which became FAs several years ago sometimes had a different – usually less stringent – set of requirements to meet.)
Here are some responses, ideas and questions I had while writing the article.
- The infobox pushes down the quote box about the jacket incident. This causes a large gap on some computers between the section heading "Album title" and the start of the first paragraph. I'm not sure how this can be fixed, but removing the info about "Singles from the album" from the infobox is one option. Done Doesn't do it anymore.
- One of the most important elements missing from this article is information about its creation. When and where was it recorded? Which musicians/producers joined Collins on the project, and how did he come to work with them? (Some of this info is at the end of the article, but rather than a list, it should be woven into the text of the article itself – preferably in a section of its own earlier in the article.) Again, take a look at existing album FAs and get a sense for the kind of details they offer. Done Did this as much as I could, but more improvement is definitely necessary.
- Don't use boldface for the song titles. Boldface writing should really only be used at the very start of the lead. I would recommend compressing the section about the songs, making them into more fluid paragraphs (rather than a list of items, as it is now). Done Changed back to what it originally was.
- The "Reception" section should be expanded. I suggest taking the info from "Chart performance and sales" and putting it into "Reception". I also suggest removing the chart showing its #1 position in various countries; the same info could easily be represented in a single sentence. ("The album reached the number one spot on charts around the world, including in Canada, Germany, etc etc") Done It has been very expanded. :)
- Be very fastidious about your references. I recommend using either MLA style or APA style, since they're pretty easy to format. Specifically, when referencing a post from Mr. Collins on the forum, you need to indicate that it's from him (and preferably on the talk page, indicate how this has been verified). Otherwise, editors will assume you're just linking to some random crackpot writing about what s/he thinks.
Good luck with this! Please let me know if you have any questions. Scartol • Tok 17:33, 15 October 2008 (UTC)