Stop Press. Marie Celeste Mystery Solved. Crew Found Hiding In Wardrobe.

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Featured articles

Six featured articles were promoted this week.

Mary Celeste (nominated by Brianboulton) The Mary Celeste was the ship that launched a thousand conspiracy theories. She was found floating off the Azores Islands on December 4, 1872, intact but without a single soul on board. Innumerable solutions have been suggested to explain the missing crew and passengers, from the mundane to the outlandish. Insurance fraud? Seaquake? Water spout? Pirates? Giant squid? Mass murder? Aliens? It must be aliens! The most likely explanation is that ~~leaky barrels of denatured alcohol caused an explosion, prompting the crew to flee the ship in a yawl and something, such as weather or incompetence, prevented their return~~ the discovery of plagiarism caused the crew of the Mary Celeste to be withdrawn from ~~sale~~ reality.
Taiko (nominated by I, JethroBT) If you're looking for a lot of bang for your buck, consider one of these classical percussion devices. The Taiko have a mythological origin in Japanese folklore, but historical records suggest that taiko were introduced to Japan through Korean and Chinese cultural influence as early as the 6th century CE. Some taiko are similar to instruments originating from India. We are unsure if Kid Rock used any in the recording of "Bawitdaba" but rumor has it that........ Hit up eBay and join a hachijō-daiko, or Kumi-daiko performance group in your area today.
Sardines (Inside No. 9) (nominated by J Milburn) Sardines! Like hide-and-seek, but when you find the person, you join them in hiding. What could possibly go wrong? Well, with one person stinking, other people having conversations you'd rather not hear just in front of the hiding spot, and rather horrible revelations, quite a bit. You are now stuck in a wardrobe. Awkwardness levels are rising. Will you survive?
Forrest Highway (nominated by Evan37) The Forrest Highway is a road in Western Australia. It's the road Perth's identities and standover men take when they need to go Bunburying. Don't ask why, you'll get a snotting. Although the distance between Perth and Bunbury is 480 furlongs, the road is only 60 miles long, which is weird as all distances in Australia are measured in kilograms. The highway passes through Mandurah at high speed and arrives at Ravenswood before you can ask the question "Why have I come here?" Nothing has happened in Ravenswood since 1970. You can leave a long streak at John Tognela Rest Area.
United States Sesquicentennial coinage (nominated by Wehwalt) The Sesquicentennial coinage was issued to commemorate the 150th anniversary of the United States Declaration of Independence in 1926. It consisted of two coins, a silver half dollar and a gold quarter eagle (face value $2.50). The half dollar had jugate heads of George Washington and Calvin Coolidge. Coolidge is the only living President of the US to appear on a coin: it's been illegal to depict living people on US coinage since 1866. Though Dorothy Parker said, when told that Coolidge had died, "How can they tell?". So maybe "Silent Cal" is the Schrodinger's cat of Presidents.
SMS Dresden (1907) (nominated by Parsecboy) Sunk by the British so its pet pig could be stolen and brought to Glasgow.

Featured lists

One featured list was promoted this week.

List of Narcissus horticultural divisions (nominated by Michael Goodyear) Look at yourself. Seriously, just look at yourself. You're gorgeous. Keep looking. You're far too attractive to look away. Oh, yeah. So hot. Oh, you've turned into a flower? Oops! Sorry, Classical mythology is like that. Should have warned you. But look at the bright side: Through selective breeding, you're going to become even more fabulous, darling.

Featured pictures

Twenty-four featured pictures were promoted this week.

This Yugoslav 10 dinar note is mooning you. Your own country's money probably isn't. Bet yer jealous.

Waiting (created by Edgar Degas, nominated by Crisco 1492) We hear it's the hardest part. Here, Mary Poppins and the fairy off the Christmas tree are sitting on a hard wooden bench; soon their derrières will go to sleep, and they'll have a hard time standing up again. Hard waiting, hard sitting, hard floor that's going to hit you in the face when you stand up and fall over.
Serbian Christmas meal (created by Petar Milošević, nominated by National Names 2000) This is the typical Christmas table for the Serbian celebration of Christmas- grilled pork, cucumber salad, buckwheat, chocolate fudge and a bottle of wine. This entry doesn't lend itself to jokes that aren't incredibly bad. As bad as the migraine one gets from red wine and chocolate.
Pietro Stanislao Parisi with Family (created by Giuseppe Tominz, nominated by National Names 2000) Hmmm… nothing about P. S. Parisi… let's see what it says about Giuseppe Tominz. Aha! Tominz' paintings are "realistic, sometimes with an ironic touch...[they] also included objects that hint at the profession or the lifestyle of the person depicted." Right. So… Mrs. Parisi has a husband who's a bored stiff, a daughter who's a horticulturalist, and a son who's a jewel thief. The spaniel has just realised that he has to spend the rest of his life with these bourgeois bores. Behind them the evening sun sets on the Fighting Temeraire, hinting that Mr. Parisi is a hawker of firewood.
Melted tip of a hafnium electrode (created by Alchemist-hp, nominated by The Herald) Hafnium. Forget gold, invest in hafnium- it's going to be pretty scarce, as reserves are projected to run out in under ten years from now. Only 70 tonnes are produced worldwide in a year, and the price has risen from $1,500 per kilo in 2011 to $5,000 today.
The Torment of Saint Anthony (created by Michelangelo, nominated by Brandmeister) Michelangelo was only 12 years old when he painted this Torment of Saint Anthony. Although he copied the motif from a print by Martin Schongauer, the young artist changed the expression on St Anthony's face, added fish scales to one of the beasts, and set the whole menagerie in a riverine landscape. The painting was previously attributed to the workshop of Domenico Ghirlandaio, and was sold as such by Sotheby's. The winning bidder had old varnish and paint stripped off, revealing the lost masterpiece. It hangs in the Kimbell Art Museum, next to a companion piece, Puella Ludit Pila by the Spanish artist Martín El Liot.
Mike Dirnt (created by Sven0705, nominated by Crisco 1492) Mike Dirnt is an American musician, real name Michael Ryan Pritchard, whose stage name was derived from the noise he made while playing air guitar. Dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt dirnt. If he'd played air cat organ he'd be Mike Meow.
Cheetah (created by William Warby, nominated by Bruce1ee) The cheetah is a very fast cat. These cats are fast as lightning. In fact they're a little bit frightening. If Mike Dirnt had played air cheetah, he'd be Mike Meeeeeeeoooooooowwwwwww
Diana and Endymion (created by Francesco Solimena, nominated by SagaciousPhil and Hafspajen) Diana and Endymion … Scantly clad mythological figures? Check. Strategically arranged drapery? Check. Naked cupids with bows and arrows? Check.
Basaltic Prisms of Santa María Regla (created by Diego Delso, nominated by National Names 2000) One of the thirteen natural wonders of Mexico, the Basaltic Prisms of Santa María Regla are near the town of Huasca de Ocampo. They were formed about 2.5 million years ago, when a 30-metre-thick flow of basalt from the Sierra de Las Navajas entered the Tulancingo river. Slow cooling of the basalt allowed the formation of pentagonal and hexagonal columns, which today line the walls of a gorge with two waterfalls.
Oath of the Horatii (created by Jacques-Louis David and Anne-Louis Girodet de Roussy-Trioson, nominated by Hafspajen) This painting "stresses the importance of masculine self-sacrifice for one's country and patriotism". Louis XVI made David paint this scene, with the intention that this old Roman tale be transformed into an allegory about loyalty to the state and to the king. If you think the brothers' salute looks somewhat familiar, well… their honour was called loyalty.
Graziella (created by Jules-Joseph Lefebvre, nominated by Crisco 1492) Graziella, poor Graziella, bored witless by darning nets. She is the heroine of a novel by Alphonse de Lamartine, based "on the author's experiences with a tobacco-leaf folder". Lamartine changed the heroine's occupation to that of fishing, which is good, else Lefebvre would have had to paint her holding a wilting tobacco leaf. [Ed: Carrots again? You must have good eyesight as much as you mention them.]
Marie Leszczyńska (created by Carle Van Loo, nominated by Hafspajen) Marie Leszczyńska owed her position as queen of France to her father's "hopeless political career"- he was king of Poland for five years, until the Swedes, who had installed him, were kicked out of the country. She and her family were moved from place to place till they ended up in Alsace. Meanwhile the fifteen-year-old Louis XV of France's balls had dropped; he was engaged to be married to an eleven-year-old Spanish princess, but he fell ill, and the French feared that he'd die before he had produced an heir. So the engagement was broken off, and he was married to Marie. They had ten children, with the heir being Louis the Dauphin- but he died before he became king. Three of the Dolphin's sons became king themselves- Louis XVI who lost his head, Louis XVIII who snorted snuff from a countess's cleavage, and Charles the X-coriated.
Christiansborg Palace (created by Julian Herzog, nominated by Nikhil) Looking a bit like a historic insane asylum, some would consider such a building to be a traditional prison, you would be close: This rare image of a government whose branches all get along with each other is actually a panorama of "Christiansborg Palace" consisting of 5 frames that were merged. The palace is the house of Denmark's three supreme powers: the executive power, the legislative power, and the judicial power. It is the only building in the world that houses all three of a country's branches of government.
Bedroom in Arles (created by Vincent van Gogh, nominated by SchroCat) A small trapezoidal room in a yellow house in Arles; pale violet walls, chairs and bed "yellow like fresh butter", the bedsheets "lemon light green", a scarlet bedspread, a green window. No shade or shadow, just abundant colour.
John Murray, 4th Earl of Dunmore (created by Joshua Reynolds, nominated by Adam Cuerden) A man in a kilt, looking left, walking right, and with enough offensive ironmongery to start a curio shop in Peebles. Note the basket-hilted sword, the flintlock pistol with its typical Scottish-style hilt, and a dirk. The hairy thing between his legs is the ~~sporran~~ ~~scrotum~~ No! It's the sporran. The scrotum is always hairless on a kilt-wearer. Oh, you haven't looked up enough kilts, then. This is the Earl of Dunmore, setting off to fight his war against the gallus Indians.
Short-spined crown-of-thorns starfish (created by Matt Kieffer, nominated by Crisco 1492) Probably a better choice than a long-spined crown-of-thorns starfish for your upcoming underwater Good Friday diorama, but it's probably best to ignore the Biblical reference and not do an underwater diorama: To quote the article, "Distinctly hungry individuals of A. planci [the short-spined crown-of-thorns starfish] will feed on a range of animal tissue." Your scalp is made of animal tissue.
Yugoslav dinar and Yugoslav krone (created by American Bank Note Company et al, prepared and nominated by Godot13) The krone was a short-lived currency, introduced in those parts of the former Austria-Hungary which had been incorporated into the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. There were 4 krone to the dinar, the latter being the currency unit of Serbia. The krone went out of circulation by 1922, leaving the dinar as the currency of Yugoslavia. The dinar has a picture of a naked man and a locomotive wheel; they are having an affair. Above him are the spirits of ice cream cones, goldfish bowls, and corkscrews, representing the three major industries of the nascent kingdom. The krone has four naked cherubs representing the four joys of life; picking grapes from a road sign, holding sheaves of corn between the legs, pointing out where you're going on your holidays, and practising for the staring competition.
George Sand (created by Nadar, nominated by Alborzagros) George Sand was a French novelist and memoirist. Sand was born in Paris, but was raised at Sand's grandmother's estate at Nohant. Sand used Nohant as a setting in many novels. George Sand's first novel was Rose et Blanche of 1831. The heroine is one Rose Primerose, who says "Je ne puis être votre maîtresse, car je vous aimerais peut-être, et ce serait aimer le vice" ("I am not your mattress, and if you say I am I will ***** your ***** in a vice"). Sand's second novel was Indiana of 1832. The heroine is one Indiana Delmare, who says "Votre esprit comblera le vide, ma chère tante" ("Your spit has blocked the bidet, my expensive taunter"). Sand's third novel was Lélia of 1833. The heroine is one Lélia d'Almovar, who says things that would brûler vos deux oreilles en congé. Sand went on to write many more books, including one about a holiday Sand had with a busker in the Balearics.
Le Grand Canal (created by Claude Monet, nominated by Alborzagros) Unlike his much-less-popular work Le Grand Root Canal, an impressionistic depiction of dentistry in reds and greens and screams, Le Grand Canal is in pastel colours and depicts Venice. The wooden pillars sticking up are for docking, and in the background can be seen the Doge's Palace, where Don Alhambra waits in order to reveal one of the Venetian gondoliers as the one true king of Barataria. Well, two-in-one true king...
Ntozake Shange (created by Barnard College, restored and nominated by Chris Woodrich) Ntozake Shange is the author of a play that has one of the modern stage's most parodied titles, for colored girls who have considered suicide / when the rainbow is enuf. No one is going to make fun of it here, however, because this is not the appropriate time or place for that sort of thing. Besides, it was made into a film by Tyler Perry, so she's suffered enough. By way of consolation, Shange has won an Obie, a Guggenheim Fellowship, a Pushcart Prize, and even has her own trading card.
USS Essex (CV-9) (created by U.S. Navy, restored by Julian Herzog, and nominated by Pine) The U.S. Navy aircraft carrier USS Essex (CVA-9) takes spray over the bow while steaming in heavy seas. She was launched on 31 July 1942 by Mrs. Artemus L. Gates, assisted by her daughter and two nieces. Mrs. Gates smashed a bottle of champagne on the bows as the Essex slid down the ways. Bouquets were presented by Rear Admiral K. H. Van Kuren. The Essex steamed to the Pacific in May 1943; she was decommissioned for the last time in 1969 and sold for scrap in 1975.
The Conversion of Mary Magdalene (created by Paolo Veronese, nominated by Hafspajen and Crisco 1492) The scene that the painting The Conversion of Mary Magdalene depicts, is an event that is not described in the Bible or the Golden Legend. Martha and Mary Magdalene are in the Temple where Jesus is preaching. Veronese (1528 – 19 April 1588) was a Italian Renaissance painter based in Venice, famous for large history paintings of both religious and mythological subjects. If you're near London, UK plan a visit to The National Gallery.
Self-Portrait at the Age of 34 (created by Some hack named Rembrandt, nominated by SchroCat) Rembrandt's pose was likely inspired by a featured image from last week, Titian's A Man with a Quilted Sleeve. This proves that Rembrandt is a dirty, filthy plagiarist, and all his work should now be ignored.

Wonderful orginal work by Titian
Scandalous plagiarism by Rembrandt. Unfortunately, we can't show it for very long: Our treatment of copyright violations is swift and terrible.
A marvellous and highly original work by Michelangelo
This? This isn't important. Some hack's work that happened to inspire a genius.

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I've often wondered what sort of mushrooms St Anthony was on - or was it the artists that were on them? Peridon (talk) 16:26, 1 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I am afraid, that is a rather standard religious vision, no mushrooms involved. Most saints, like Kafka, didn't had much fun. Hafspajen (talk) 09:44, 3 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

And then again, the mystery of the Marie Celeste was that it was never found drifting anywhere without a crew but is widely believed to have been. @@@@ otherwise known as Peridon (talk) 16:32, 1 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The translation of Sand's sentence is totally wrong. Skull33 (talk) 18:29, 1 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I do believe that that was the joke... — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:42, 1 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Did we really have to change Featured Content from informative to a series of April Fool jokes? I was tempted to edit but then realized what was going on, so I don't dare edit because the original intention would be gone.— Vchimpanzee • talk • contributions • 19:48, 2 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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