Comments I've done a very rough copyedit on this. Some remaining issues:
- Some prose work is needed. Examples:
"Khan was fluent in five international languages" - 'international language' doesn't convey a clear meaning to me. The elaboration on this later in the article ("Khan was fluent in Arabic, Bengali, English, Hindi, Pali, Persian, and Urdu") still leaves me confused; is the intent to distinguish languages from dialects?
- "On his two years ICS probation, he read literature and history" - what does probation mean here?
- "During this time, he also remained President of the East Pakistan Non-Government Teachers' Association." - during what time? 'remain' implies that you have laid out when he got this position, but I don't see any mention other than this sentence.
- "on the principle of grassroots level cooperative participation by the people" - almost all of these words mean the same thing.
- "This strategy successfully prevented the types of 'elite capture' of local cooperatives, leading to widespread delinquencies, that had plagued the Comilla Model." - I can't understand this sentence.
- This article suffers from overlinking. Many very common words are linked that do not need to be (examples: history, village, education), and many words are repetitively linked (examples: Sufi, rural/rural development).
- Most, if not all, of the 'See also' links are redundant to links already in the article text.
- The 'Death and legacy' section needs to be rewritten to remove proseline.
- The citations in the 'Advisory roles' section need to be tightened up; for example, there should not be a credentials-related statement such as "He also briefly worked as a visiting professor at Lund University, Harvard University, and Oxford University" without a citation.
- Only one of the items in 'Honours and awards' is cited. Strangely, the award citation for one of these is listed later under External links.
- Some of the book citations are missing page numbers; some of the online citations need access dates; a few citations need formatting work (examples: italicize the journal Dawn Magazine; add a period at the end of "Khan (1996), pp. xii").
Where linked references are in a non-html format like PDF, please indicate as such in the reference listing with (PDF) after the title.
"Practical help was sought from international experts in farming apart from training foreign participants on rural development." - this appears to be two unrelated phrases tacked together.
This is now "Practical help was sought from international experts apart from training foreign participants on rural development, at Comilla Academy." which still leaves me confused.
Alternatively, some less common words would benefit from interwiki linking. Examples: grassroots seems a concept inherently important to this article, but it is not linked ever; common good would be a better link than 'common well-being'.
Did you object to adding a link to grassroots, or did it get removed during cleanup of overlinks? I still feel it would be a useful link. Additionally, please fix the two differing uses: you have 'grassroots level initiatives' and 'grassroots-level participation'.
Please add the citation for the visiting professor sentence (I know you meant to, but it isn't there).
Please add the publishers for:
Dr. Akhter Hameed Khan - The Pioneer of Microcredit
"Orangi Pilot Project"
Agriculture and Human Values
A posthumous tribute to the man who silently brought about a social revolution in Pakistan
7th Death Anniversary — A Tribute to Dr. Akhtar Hameed Khan
- I'm concerned about the provenance of the image; at the linked site, I don't see an explicit claim of ownership nor an explicit release of rights.
Thanks for a good read. I had not heard of Mr. Khan before, but found this particularly interesting as I've just read a book on Paul Farmer's grassroots approach toward providing healthcare to the poor in Haiti. Maralia (talk) 04:33, 1 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Response
- Improved all prose work
- Repetitive links removed
- Common good apparently relates to the access of specific resources to specific communities. Well-being, on the other hand, has wider implications (e.g. from sanitation to microfinance, and from welfare to health provision)
- See also links updated
- The citation actually covers the visits, so moved to the end of para.
- All honours and awards are now cited.
- Added access dates to all online citations.
(reworking some book citations)--IslesCapeTalk 14:18, 3 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- done.
Cheers.--IslesCapeTalk 12:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- I've struck/hidden resolved issues, and added a few hopefully minor ones above. I took a stab at rewriting the 'Death and legacy' section to clean up some unwieldy prose; please review it carefully to make sure I've not misstated anything. I also fixed some footnote formatting: note for the future that 'p' is for single page citations and 'pp' is for page ranges/multiple pages. Maralia (talk) 05:28, 5 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks. As for the second phase of your comments:
- I've removed second part of 'practical help...' as it recurs in subsequent para added recently.
- grassroots is linked now.
- visiting professor is cited in the same page range, so i've moved citation
- For publishers, I've replaced those that I couldn't find info of. For 'Orangi Pilot Project', you'll have to be precise as to which ref is missing because there are 2 and to me both are comprehensive. Agriculture and Human Values is a reputed journal, and per author-date style, I don't have to provide publisher info. Direct access isn't possible due to subscription restrictions, so I've linked with contents page.
- dealing with image issues. Cheers.--IslesCapeTalk 17:02, 6 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Argh! Days ago I went through all your citations and cleaned up pp./p., fixed dashes->hyphens in page ranges, added missing full stops, etc - but you keep adding new cites/changing existing ones, resulting in more that need fixing! Should I have made you fix them all yourself so you'd learn? :) Really, though, all my concerns have now been addressed except the issue of the image release. I'm ready to support once that's cleared up. Maralia (talk) 04:13, 7 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Well, some people never change;) but I'm learning! Actually I've been through this article so many times that I need another pair of eyes :( --IslesCapeTalk 18:49, 7 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]