The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Gog the Mild via FACBot (talk) 27 March 2024 [1].


Capri-Sun[edit]

Nominator(s): Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) and theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 01:12, 20 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Capri-Sun debuted in West Germany in 1969. Since then, it has become a global brand, one made distinctive by its stand-up Doy-N-Pack pouch. Growing up, you could find a Capri-Sun in the lunchbox of that kid you hated. These days you can find them center-stage in French hip-hop culture as "the new ostentatious elixir of French rappers and gangsters". In the United States, Capri Sun is associated with wholesome things like picnics, soccer practice, and having for 16 years been licensed to one of the world's largest tobacco companies, which applied its expertise at both selling products to children and misleading the public about products' health effects, in a marketing strategy so effective that you're probably still thinking about that kid from two sentences ago. Childhood consumption of sugary beverages increased, and so did childhood obesity, but admittedly Pacific Cooler does taste great.

Initially, Tamzin and I thought this was gonna be a quick adventure – we thought we'd quickly flip a good number of soft drink articles, maybe even get a good topic. Capri-Sun quickly proved to be no insignificant task, though – it's the longest article either of us can put our names on, with every word of prose written from scratch. To our knowledge, this is the most comprehensive independent work on Capri-Sun in existence. We got it to GA in early 2023 after a couple months' work, making it one of two GAs on a soft drink and the only one on a juice beverage. Then, it just sat for a while. But after dusting off the ol' thing and giving it the last few bits it was missing, it is with much pride and added sugar that we finally push this towards the finish line. :) -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) and theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 01:12, 20 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Eddie891[edit]

Guerillero[edit]

I am going to abstain on supporting due to my review of the article for GA, but I have some thoughts.

Guerillero, there is no onus nor obligation to support or oppose any FAC and all reviewer comments are welcome. But there is no reason at all why you should refrain because you reviewed it at GAN. If anything the reverse, having already looked at it in detail you will be in a good position to advise the FAC coordinators whether it merits promotion here or not. Gog the Mild (talk) 21:24, 23 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The sourcing was high quality a year ago, and it continues to be today. I do have a few thoughts:

--Guerillero Parlez Moi 21:00, 20 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Responding just to pt. 4 for now, I searched high and low, and the only sources I could find discussing the switch were social media discussion and the ABOUTSELF comments from Kraft/Capri Sun (one on Twitter, one on Facebook). This makes some sense: Packaging changes are usually only reported in trade publications unless there's an ad campaign or a strong public response, and even the trade pubs like BeverageDaily that do their own independent journalism are still usually guided there by press releases. And "we undid a popular change that we enacted to address a health concern" doesn't get a press release for some reason. :P -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 22:24, 20 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
pt. 1 done :) theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 23:31, 20 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
As to pt. 2, looking at [2], I think either "The Local" or "The Local Germany" could be correct, but "The Local DE" seems to just be what's in the logo, not something that's used for a name. This is why I'd gone with |work=[[The Local]]|location=Germany, but I have no strong preference between that and |work=[[The Local Germany]]. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 04:08, 21 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The reported location on the masthead is Stockholm, SE -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 07:48, 21 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Fair enough. Switched to "The Local Germany". -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 10:08, 21 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Airship[edit]

As always, these are recommendations, not demands; feel free to refuse with justification.

Many comments
Lead
  • I feel like the Wild company should be mentioned by name in the lead, as it is prominent in the infobox.
    • On the topic of the infobox, "including Kraft and Coca-Cola Europacific Partners in parts of Europe" is unclear. Would suggest removing "including" onwards.
      • "in parts of Europe" was an accidental addition on my part, internal copy-paste error. I've removed those words. I think some acknowledgment of the licensees is still important, because Wild is not the literal manufacturer in countries it licenses to. E.g. if you buy a Capri Sun in America, that is manufactured by Kraft. Does this partial removal work for you? "Wild and licensees" would be a more minimal option. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 00:41, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • Is the "flavor" parameter useful at all?
  • Why is the current yearly sales different in the lead and the body?
  • In the United States, these pouches were innovative as the first single-serving fruit juice containers. "were innovative as" seems oddly inserted (maybe to avoid a puffery-sounding "these innovative pouches"); but perhaps cut entirely as redundant?
    I'm also not seeing where "the first single-serving fruit juice containers [in the US]" is explicitly mentioned in the body.
    • Griffin, Sacharow & Brody says that Capri Sun entered a market "dominated by 46-oz. cans" and describes how it predated brick packaging in the United States. However, that isn't quite the same as being the first (necessarily... they may well have been), so I've reworded as these pouches predated the advent of Tetra Pak, in an era when fruit juice was usually sold in large containers
  • Most of the third lead paragraph summarizes just one paragraph in the "1991–present: Kraft Foods" subsection. I don't think this meets WP:LEADWEIGHT; by comparison, the other history subsections are either not covered at all ("Europe, Africa, and Asia") or barely covered.
  • the abandonment of "all-natural" for a time I don't see in the body if/when that time ended.

More to come. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 00:06, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • Two "led to"'s in one sentence in the last paragraph
Brand history
  • I'm guessing Germany isn't linked because of MOS:OL? Why World War II then?
  • More led him/led to, which is too vague in the first case especially.
    • I've changed "led him" to something more descriptive. In "Restrictions on color additives at the time in West Germany led to less visually appealing soft drinks", I think the causal link is pretty clear. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 06:50, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rudolf Wild & Co." changes to simply "Wild" in the second paragraph without really explaining why.
    • The company is introduced as "Rudolf Wild & Co. (better known as Wild)". We used the full name in the first paragraph to disambiguate from Rudolf Wild; in subsequent usage there isn't such ambiguity. (Hans-Peter is mentioned but not in a way that would be ambiguous with the company.) I'm open to better approaches but none come to mind immediately. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 02:25, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • but rather by ordering all of the machines they made. isn't the complete phrase it needs to be
  • The source called "Capri-Sonne 2015" does not appear to be via the Internet Archive, despite saying it is.
  • The name references the Italian island of Capri due to its status as a vacation destination. could use just the slightest bit more detail.
  • Muhammad Ali's first endorsement deal came as late as 1978? You learn something every day.
  • SiSi-Werke, the Wild subsidiary responsible for Capri-Sonne, said that is the attribution necessary?
    • We could not find any sources stating it that weren't just parroting SiSi-Werke. Since it's a somewhat exceptional claim, being made by a company as part of press material, attribution seemed prudent. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 02:25, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • By 1982, Capri-Sun was sold in 23 countries and the most popular fruit juice in 19 of them. it feels like a "was" is missing
  • Capri Sun AG and Capri Sun Group Holding AG and German company Wild comma(s)?
    • The full line is Swiss companies Capri Sun AG and Capri Sun Group Holding AG and German company Wild. So the lack of a comma is because the first two are nested under "Swiss companies". I've made this a bit clearer by adding an "of" before "German". -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 07:30, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Any idea about how the Tetra Pak fared long-term in comparison to Capri Sun? What may have been seen as a forthcoming clash, as in the 1985 source, may not have actually happened. I know it remains a massive company, but did they actually collide or simply go separate ways?
    • My SYNTHy answer here is that the novelty of Doy-N-Pak—which at that point Shasta had exclusive rights to in the U.S.—combined with astute marketing of the product as refreshing, leveraging the fact that Doy-N-Pak heats up on a hot day more slowly than a Tetra Pak (and thus can give the illusion of being cold when it's actually room temperature), allowed Shasta/Altria/Kraft to maintain a niche for the product, while letting Tetra Pak otherwise corner the market. After the patent expired and manufacturing of stand-up pouches became cheaper (now one of the cheapest ways to package a beverage), stand-up pouches did begin to gain greater market share, although I'm not sure Kraft and Capri Sun Group see that as a good thing, what with the potential for trademark infringement.
      Again, that's the off-the-cuff answer synthesizing several sources I read for this. If there's a more specific thing you think should be addressed in the article, let me know and I can probably put together a more RS'd answer. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 02:25, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 1983, the Capri Sun brand brought Shasta $28 million in sales... In 1990, Capri Sun sold 450 million pouches. is it possible to get a sales-pouches conversion for either of these two numbers?
    • Nay on the first, cut the second one because it doesn't have its facts straight. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 02:21, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • As of 2022, Kraft licenses the Capri Sun brand in the United States, Canada, and Puerto Rico. what happened to Mexico?
    • I don't know. No one seems to know. There's the 2013 announcement, mentioned in footnote e, that Jumex was bringing Capri-Sun to Mexico, but that makes no mention of where Kraft's license went, and I've been unable to find a word of press coverage since of Capri-Sun in Mexico. [3] makes it appear that Jumex did indeed bring a product to market, but that's not really an RS. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 02:25, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • adapted those strategies what strategies? of selling to young people without marketing?
  • Through Kraft's acquisition of Capri Sun, however, Philip Morris could target a product to children feels like it could be cut to "Philip Morris targeted Capri-Sun at children..."
  • Similarly Philip Morris's campaign for Capri Sun to "their marketing campaign"
  • successful: In 2008 errant capital
  • The sentence In 2008, Capri Sun went from projecting a 5% drop in sales to a 17% increase because of a "Respect the Pouch" campaign aimed at kids between the ages of six and twelve. feels out of place; it seems to me that to follow a half-sentence on how a general marketing strategy was extremely successful, you'd want the sentence on how sales more than doubled across five years
  • In general the prose of this paragraph is lower quality than the rest of the article; it could use some copyediting/reorganising.
  • Which source supports still in the hope that they would give the drink to their children?
  • which by 2009 was the number-three consumer of the product who was number two?
    • Probably U.S. then Germany, but, after consulting a native German speaker, it appears the source is worded weirdly around this detail, and so I've just cut the #3 line instead. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 23:59, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Réunion is identified as "a French island in the Indian Ocean" only on its second mention.
  • I'm not sure and as of 2016 produces is the right place for the present tense; "in 2016, it produced" feels more appropriate
    • I tend to use present-tense as-of if the source states it without date-based qualification, past-tense if not. The source says La Réunion peut s’enorgueillir à ce jour de produire plus de Capri-Sun que l’Inde ou même l’Angola 'Réunion can take pride in today producing more Capri-Sun than India or even Angola'. That's date-qualified, but with an implication of maybe being a recent state of affairs, so I've changed to "by 2016 ... was producing". -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 06:34, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • They discontinued the brand 2020 ?
  • In general, the switching between millions of pouches and millions of dollars to talk about sales is a little annoying, but if the sources don't help on that matter, it's fine.

More to come. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 01:03, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Products
  • A flavor notes box? A stylistic innovation, this, or perhaps the natural derivation of the custom table notes in Driving in Madagascar.
  • I suppose Strawberry Kiwi and Wild Cherry are what they say on the pouch tin then?
  • fruit–and–water beverage if this is ELEGVAR, it's slightly confusing.
    • Rephrased as "no-added-sugar", in the course of adding a bit more info on the British corollaries. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 23:59, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • in the red (least healthy) tier. do we really need to be referring to the colour scheme they chose?
  • At 34 grams (8.1 tsp) of sugar, the drink's sugar content was the lowest in the category. as in, they were the best in the worst category, or the worst?
  • lowered its sugar content from 14 grams to 8 when did it get to 14 grams?
    • there's no complete history of the capri-sun formula, unfortunately. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 02:21, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • by adding monk fruit concentrate to the ingredient list I assume they also added it to the drink ;)
  • would stop selling Capri-Sun pouches with added sugar, as part of an initiative to replace drinks that contain added sugars; The Guardian characterized the move, which also affected competitors Ribena and Rubicon, as an unprecedented action against branded sugary drink suppliers feels like it could be more concise. something like "as part of an initiative which also affected..."?
    • I've made this change. It only cuts a few words net, but I think makes it flow better, without losing information, since it's clear from context that it was about added sugar. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 07:25, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Does the new tagline refer to "no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives"? in which case it is sixteen years old and not really "new".
  • It feels wrong to say something is "canned" in a pouch; I know it's technically unarguable, but still.
  • The distinctive Doy-N-Pack pouches were developed by Rudolf Wild & Co. and Thimonnier, a French company that primarily manufactured sewing machines. already been said. also, seeing as the first body paragraph says that Wild & Co. didn't actually work with Thimonnier but simply bought all their machines, is it right to say that the pouches were developed by Thimonnier?
  • Does this article ever say how big the pouches are? I feel like that's important.
  • environmental activist groups started a campaign to make Kraft rethink its packaging of Capri Sun when?

Last section to come. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 01:33, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reception and impact
  • two stars out of?
  • the switch to monk fruit switch? in the previous section it is a simple addition.
  • The Chad Eschman sentence might be fun, but I'm not sure that it's encyclopedic; the two descriptions certainly aren't.
    • I would argue that it's about as useful as it needs to be – this article is about the drink too, not just the brand history. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 02:21, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Similarly for The paper's "resident intern", Young Cooper, commented that it was "definitely not the best flavor of Capri Sun."
    • I don't see a reason to single that one out? theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 02:21, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
      • I don't think that a humourous psuedo-review, which does not try to pretend it is in any way serious, can be called a high-quality reliable source, theleekycauldron. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 16:19, 1 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        @AirshipJungleman29: I mean, sure, they clearly had fun with it. But they are just tasting kids' food and talking about it – it's not like there's any complex flavors that would (if we were to indulge this line of thinking) require an expert to unpack. Fundamentally, I think the source is as reliable as we could want it to be – there's no real editorial oversight that goes into someone's thoughts on Capri Sun, but it is a viewpoint that a major newspaper saw fit to publish. That said, I've changed "Young Cooper" to "Cooper Green", because that part was just shtick. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 00:40, 2 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        Fair enough.
  • Nicolas Santolaria of Le Monde in November 2020 described Capri-Sun is the date necessary?
  • which Capri-Sun had removed "had removed"?
    • It is unclear. Slate simply says la marque 'the brand'. I have made the prose a bit vaguer and have elaborated on this vaguness in a footnote. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 23:59, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is the world record paragraph WP:DUE and WP:ASPECTed?
  • There's a lot of detail relying on one citation at the start of the "Public perception" subsection; you may want to check the page numbers, because I'm not sure they cover the requisite material.
  • Capri-Sun denied that its advertising was targeted towards children. seems a bit of a MRDA to me, but heigh-ho.
    • I sorta wrote an essay on this. Well, part of an essay. The good parts. Granted, that's about BLPs and I don't care nearly as strongly when it comes to a company, but I don't know, I think it adds to the full picture of it. Given the rest of the article, I don't think including this denial really helps the brand's reputation. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 23:59, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • indicative of the drink's "indicative of" doesn't quite seem the right wording to me, perhaps "an example of"?
    • I'm not sure I see the difference between those two phrases' meanings in this context. Laemmel raises the popularity of Capri-Sun in quartiers pauves 'poor areas' and then immediately quotes Lebard's experience. So to Laemmel, that anecdote is an example, indicative, emblematic, microcosmic, take your pick—all synonyms. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 07:38, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not quite getting the ending sentence. How can the favourability rating be 19th highest and yet have 16th place?
    • 16th and 19th for the preceding mentioned generation, 17th overall :) theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 02:21, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Very nice article. Please ping when you're done with the above. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 01:50, 26 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Mike Christie[edit]

Good to see this article at FAC; we don't get a lot of nominations about business topics. I started to read through to review, but found myself coming up with some sourcing questions, so I'll put some of those down here first.

So I'm a bit concerned about completeness of coverage. Let me know what you think; I'd like to settle this before going on to review the content. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:01, 10 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

A couple more possible sources.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:07, 12 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

With the above resolved, here are comments from a read-through.

Down to Products; more tomorrow. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:00, 14 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

More:

More tonight or tomorrow. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:03, 14 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

More:

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:39, 14 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

One more suggestion: you might link "Calorie" when you first use it -- the uppercase for nutritional calories is not widely known and it would be best to provide a link. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 16:32, 17 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Mike Christie: Clarified the sugar content sentence as best I could (sourcing here is rough), and cut the Calories out (kinda like Capri Sun halfheartedly did) :) theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 09:53, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Thanks for your patience on this; the article looks great. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:43, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Mike Christie: A heartfelt thank you for all of your help :) the article looks to be in much better shape because of it. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 18:16, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support from Kusma[edit]

Capri-Sonne! Never liked it much as a kid (I grew up in West Germany). Let's see if I like the article better. —Kusma (talk) 10:32, 10 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I looked through the German article to see whether anything from there seems to be missing here.

The Sunkist one is e.g. in Wild p. 187 The "seasonal" claim is likely also from that book. As for other sources, perhaps this is helpful for criticism of the packaging? From there I found this article with the nice quote "Capri-Sonne war der fruchtsaftgewordene Antichrist der Ökobewegung", "Capri-Sun was the ecological movement's antichrist turned into fruit juice". I'll look at your other replies soon. —Kusma (talk) 23:15, 19 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]
This comparison of kids' fruit drink brands also seems potentially helpful. —Kusma (talk) 23:17, 19 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Other than that the article seems reasonably comprehensive. Nice work! —Kusma (talk) 11:43, 10 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments from JennyOz[edit]

Hello Tamzin and leeky, congrats on the thorough job you've done on researching and writing this comprehensive article! I felt like the only person who'd never heard of this product and, unfortunately, that has contributed to me having a rather long list of questions and suggestions. Whilst there are many, any you agree to implement are very tiny tweaks. Mammoth article gets mammoth amount of comments...

lede

Brand history

Origins and global overview

Europe

North America

1979–1991: Shasta Beverages

1991–present: Kraft Foods

Products

Packaging

Reception and impact

In media

Public perception

Notes

Citations

Trade publications

caption

Consistencies

Misc

New - there has been a flurry of activity on the article since I prepared this review 2 days ago. I have removed some of my comments that have since been addressed; sorry if I have missed any.

That's it from me. Enjoyed the learning. JennyOz (talk) 08:47, 19 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@JennyOz: thanks so much for the review! It's been quite the task to get to all of these improvements, but it looks like we're ready for your feedback again. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 19:20, 7 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you both very much for tweaks and other explanatory comments. I've been through each of your changes and other replies. I have added a few comments above. No dealbreakers! This is a very well-researched and well-written account of a brand. I had not heard of CS before so thanks for your patience with my myriad questions! I am happy to s'port promotion. JennyOz (talk) 13:49, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator note[edit]

We're seven weeks in and only the single support. I've added it to the urgent; if the nomination doesn't attract more support in the next few days, it is liable to be archived. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs talk 17:07, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@David Fuchs: we have two supports, one from JennyOz and one from AirshipJungleman29. We've addressed all of Kusma and Mike Christie's concerns – we're waiting on the former to respond, and the latter will respond once the former does. There's no outstanding article work we can do to push this towards passing. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 17:48, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I will try to do a full review this week. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library)<
Given that there are two supports I'll probably wait for Kusma to finish before starting. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:08, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Mike Christie, I think I'm done reviewing. I'm happy to help with translating/skim reading German sources, but I don't have the energy to go hunting for more sources. I think I'll end up supporting, but I need to sleep now, and will try to make up my mind tomorrow. —Kusma (talk) 22:24, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@FAC coordinators: as an update, all of the outstanding reviews on this page have concluded, and we're now at four supports. I hope that's enough to avoid archival! Especially because this one's headed towards the bottom of the listings page. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 18:24, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I have just requested a source review for it Leeky. Unless something horrible comes out of that it should be safe for a while. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:27, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
perfect, thank you! theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 18:31, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Harry[edit]

Not checking references or source-text integrity etc, mostly just prose:

Interesting read, and not much to criticise in 4.5k words. You've managed to chart the changing attitudes to these sorts of drinks well without straying off-topic or turning the reader off. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 20:51, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@HJ Mitchell: Thanks for the review! leek and I have both responded above, if you'd like to take a look. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 14:49, 22 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Harry ? Gog the Mild (talk) 12:38, 26 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I've had other stuff going on. I haven't forgotten about this. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 14:38, 26 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The MoS is quiet on the comma issue (unusual for the Mos!). I'd be willing to chalk that up to an ENGVAR issue if there are no other opinions though the AP tweet appears consistent with my edit. I think the "with" issue is largely unresolved; the way you're using it, I don't think it's a grammatical construction—it doesn't match any of the uses given by Merriam-Webster, for example, and is comparable to the examples in Tony's essay. Even if we accept that a few uses are legitimate, you're using it 12 times in the current version (excluding the one "with which", which is perfectly fine). Other than that, I'm satisfied. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:19, 26 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Harry: I suspect this is also a regional thing, because this is pretty standard writing in American English (used twice in this Free access icon article today in The New York Times, for instance). This broadly falls under Webster's sense 4, but is described more explicitly in other dictionaries including sense 17 on Dictionary.com (used as a function word to specify an additional circumstance or condition: 'We climbed the hill, with Jeff following behind.') or, for that matter, sense 4 on Wiktionary (Used to add supplemental information, especially to indicate simultaneous happening, or immediate succession or consequence. ... 'The match result was 10-5, with John scoring three goals.'). All of that said, I agree it's a bit repetitive as used here. I've reworded six instances of the construction. I count five remaining uses, all of which seem consistent with the definitions quoted above. (If there's a 12th other than the "with which", I'm not spotting it or I've miscounted.) -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 00:26, 27 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
It's common in journalistic writing, especially places like sub-headers, but (should be) less common in encyclopaedic writing, especially where we don't have column inches to worry about. But I'm happy with the tweaks you've made. Support on 1a and 2a/2b; haven't looked at the others in detail. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 14:00, 27 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Source review[edit]

Spot-check upon request. I kind of notice that there is a mix between various source formats in the citations section. What's EDTECH? I am not sure I like the "A study..." things in the health and public perception section; do we have some review studies rather than single studies? Looks like otherwise we are using pretty major publications and some connected sources. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 16:41, 19 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Re I am not sure I like the "A study..." things in the health and public perception section; do we have some review studies rather than single studies?: I think this is distinguishable from a MEDRS or MEDRS-like standard of sourcing. The underlying principle here – the harmfulness of sugary drinks on health – is incredibly well-established in MEDRS to the point where mentioning it here would be redundant. The actual work we're citing – how much sugar is in these drinks, and surveys on how people perceive the sugar content – is not strictly related to questions of medicine. If someone published a study on how Capri-Sun specifically affects the human body long-term, yeah, that would probably fail MEDRS, but apart from that, I'm not sure that there's any reason to expect a literature review for the information we're bringing. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 20:50, 20 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I know this isn't the kind of information we want MEDRS sources for, but the problem with using such individual studies is that it's extremely easy to (deliberately or inadvertently) cherry-pick and overgeneralize them. That needs some safeguards against. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 08:35, 21 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
You're not wrong, but I think that's true of any source. My assessment is that the current sourcing in the article matches the WP:DUE balance of reliable sources available; if you think that the article is off-balance, feel free to propose more sourcing we're missing. I don't think that relevant literature reviews have any useful information, but if you have them, I'd love to use them. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 22:01, 21 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Re I kind of notice that there is a mix between various source formats in the citations section.: could you elaborate a bit on what needs fixing? theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 20:53, 20 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I am not sure why some sources have quotes and others don't. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 08:37, 21 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Generally, the quotes are for the more complex citations, but Tamzin tends to favor them more than me in general. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 23:09, 21 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, I've included quotes in cases where the relevant part of the source might not be immediately obvious to a reader clicking through, or where the body of the article uses a translation of a non-English quote, in line with WP:FOOTQUOTE. I have gone ahead, though, and removed the footquotes about pouch size, since that's an uncontroversial detail cited to two pretty short sources. -- Tamzin[cetacean needed] (they|xe) 14:59, 22 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Re EDTECH: here's a link to an infopage for the page we're citing on the EDTECH website. Looks to me like a small-time academic publisher. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 20:55, 20 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
FWIW User:Headbomb/unreliable flags that one as predatory. Of course the list used by Headbomb could be wrong in this instance, but it is perhaps worth double checking. —Kusma (talk) 23:12, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
That's correct, and Tamzin found on further examination that Gibbs and Steele probably aren't real people :) I've fixed it up. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 04:59, 25 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Jo-Jo Eumerus: I think we're ready for another look, if there's anything outstanding you wanted to respond to. theleekycauldron (talk • she/her) 06:36, 25 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Don't have much to add, other than the caveat that there is a lot of sources, many of which I am not deeply familiar with. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 10:02, 26 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review


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