Review by Truco (talk · contribs)
- General comment
Fix the dabs (as found with the checker tool in the toolbox)
- Sorry, but I don't know what you mean by "dabs." I need help with this
- Lead
Gene Kelly (1912–1996) was an award-winning American motion picture actor, dancer, singer, director, and choreographer. -- Remove the bold from his name per WP:LEDE
Kelly was graduated from the University of Pittsburgh in 1933 with a degree in economics. -- Remove the was
- Sorry Truco, "was graduated" is grammatically correct (if not the most common way to say it). See this please. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:55, 17 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Kept — it is gramatically correct.
Around the same time he was running a dancing school with his brother Fred. -- not the proper way to start off this sentence, either merge it with a comma or semi colon or reword it completely
- I removed the sentence completely. It might be an significant point in Kelly's biography, but I now believe its not needed in an introduction to his filmography.
He made his Broadway debut as a chorus boy in the play Leave It to Me! (1938), starring William Gaxton, Victor Moore, and Sophie Tucker. -- (1)What is a chorus boy? A member of the chorus? (2)The people who starred in the film is not relevant to this list as this is about Kelly not the film or the other stars.
- I changed this to read "small role" instead of "chorus boy" and also removed the names of the other actors. (By the way, it's a play, not a film).
After playing supporting roles in Two for the Show and The Time of Your Life he went on to create the title role in Rodgers and Hart's Pal Joey (1940). -- Add a comma before he went on
Then, after staging the dances for Best Foot Foward (1941),[3] Kelly made his Hollywood film debut opposite Judy Garland in Me and My Gal (1942). -- Opposite? You mean as?
- Changed to: "Kelly made his Hollywood film debut in For Me and My Gal (1942), co-starring Judy Garland." (I'll leave in Garland's name, as she was significant to Kelly's career.)
From there Kelly went on to work as an actor, dancer and, subsequently, choreographer in a series of musical films that presented, among other innovations, experimenting with a combination of dance and animation (Anchors Aweigh and Invitation to the Dance) and special effects (including the "Alter Ego" number from Cover Girl[5] and the split-screen dance number from It's Always Fair Weather).[6] -- (1)Comma after there (2)The comma should be before and not after it, it should be , and subsequently a choreographer in as series...(3)The and before animation should be a comma, add a comma after the (Invitation to the Dance) parenthesis
- This request I found confusing. I have reworded this sentence slightly so that it (hopefully) reads better.
- Table
Uncredited as choreographer -- add a before choreographer (this applies to both instances)
- I have removed some information, including some footnotes, that I felt was not needed. I believe, then, that what is left should give the article a better, more "streamlined" feel.
- References
What makes Ref 7 reliable and what is the publisher?
- All instances of refs to this source need the publisher.
Ref 18 needs to be properly formatted
- This ref has been taken out. All the awards listed here (Academy Awards, Golden Globe, etc.) are now referenced to the web sites for those awards.
*IMDB is not reliable in sourcing information, see WP:RS--Best, ₮RUCӨ 02:28, 17 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Only a general link to the IMDb has been kept.
- Was this all done?--Best, ₮RUCӨ 22:17, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Yes, I think so — except for the "dabs" (whatever the are) Jimknut (talk) 23:52, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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