Script
Scene 0: Introduction
- Narrator: (out of sight, but readily and easily heard)
A long time into the future, in a website not far away,
It is a dark day in the history of WIKIPEDIA. JIMBO has been overthrown (again) and TAMPA CITY destroyed. WIKIPEDIA barely survives, clinging to survival in the bodies of the brave rebels seeking refuge in the APPALACHIAN MOUNTAINS of the far north. WILLY ON WHEELS, ruler of UNCYCLOPEDIA, is triumphant, building his capital city of UNCYLOPOLIS on the smoldering ruins of TAMPA CITY. He and his VANDALS rule supreme, establishing a military dictatorship over his dominions and brutally suppressing any and all dissent.
Scene I: Willy's Stunt Reentry
(Willy, jubilant and exhilarated from his victory in the great Third Battle of Tampa City, is planning numerous stunts and frivolities involving himself. Now, he is performing a stunt reentry where he reenters the Earth's atmosphere and bounces off a huge trampoline in Worcester, England. At least, that's the plan.)
(Rocket blasts off with Willy on top)
(Willy begins reentry)
- Willy: Hey, I can't see the trampoline!
- Vandals 1 thru 3: Why are you reentering on the wrong side of the Atlantic?
- Willy: WHAT?!
- Vandals 1 thru 3: You said Worcester, so we put the trampoline in Worcester, Massachusetts!
- Willy: SHIT!
(Cut to scene of smoking impact crater with Willy at bottom. Very, very fast fade out.)
Scene II: The Treaty of Alliance
Jimbo and assorted Wikipedians and WikiPumas appear in the snow-covered Appalachian Mountains of the far north. Jimbo, Whoop whoop pull up, Brambleberry of RiverClan, and Cluebot and its backup ClueBot NG form a small group at the very front. They walk towards a second group of people: American Emperor Norton III, Empress Valerie Norton, and the Wikpedian Ambassador.
- Jimbo: I hereby present on behalf of the Wikipedian Resistance Army this Treaty of Alliance.
He gives Norton a rolled-up piece of paper. Norton III looks at it.
- Norton III: Good. My military forces shall assist you as soon as possible. When is your next military offensive?
- Jimbo: The day after tomorrow, to retake Gainesville. It is the last step before
TampaUncyclopolis. - Norton III: My armies will meet you there at dawn.
Fade out.
Scene III: The Battle of Gainesville
| Battle of Gainesville | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Part of Wikipedian-Uncyclopedian War | |||||||
 Fighting in Gainesville. | |||||||
| |||||||
| Belligerents | |||||||
 Wikipedia American Union WikiPumas |
 Uncyclopedia | ||||||
| Commanders and leaders | |||||||
|
Brambleberry of RiverClan |
Willy on Wheels | ||||||
| Strength | |||||||
|
44,000 users 1,000,000 infantry, 300,000 cavalry, 150 tanks 20,000,000 WikiPumas |
700,000 vandals, 10,000 tanks | ||||||
| Casualties and losses | |||||||
|
13,000 users killed500,000 infantry killed, 100,000 infantry wounded, 200,000 cavalry killed, 99,999 cavalry wounded, 149 tanks destroyed 1,500,000 WikiPumas killed500,000 WikiPumas injured |
275,000 vandals killed, 8,734 tanks destroyed | ||||||
Willy appears, alone, pacing the streets of Gainesville. Suddenly, Jimbo appears.
- Jimbo: Surrender now.
- Willy: You are alone? Hahaha! You surrender, or you will die!
FBI appears
- Jimbo: Care to repeat that?
Willy's 30 bodyguards appear
- Willy: Yes!
CIA appears
Willy: Oh, yeah?
Uncyclopedian Special Forces appear
- Jimbo: Yeah!
American, WikiPumaian, and Wikipedian armies appear
Uncyclopedian army appears
- Willy: ATTACK!
Uncyclopedian military attacks
- Jimbo: ATTACK!
Wikipedian, WikiPumaian, and American militaries attack
Several quick images of war: Vandals against Wikipedians, Americans, and WikiPumas. The latter groups seem to be winning against the vandals, although some images show one falling to the power of a certain vandal.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Hey, look, Vandal 7? How is he alive? I killed him!
- Whoop whoop pull up: What? (turns around) YAH! (shoots Vandal 7 through the heart)
- Whoop whoop pull up: He must have replaced his council.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Yeah, but that guy looked exactly like the one that I killed.
- Whoop whoop pull up: Something fishy is going on here.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: You mean not just the WikiTrout you're about to get slapped with?
- Whoop whoop pull up: What?
Vandal 2, who looks exactly like the brute from the last movie, swings a WikiTrout like a discus. Whoop whoop pull up turns around to see if it's happening for sure, and ends up getting hit square in the head. She passes out cold on the ground, and Brambleberry of RiverClan is forced to drag her to the safety of a tree.
Cut to scene of Willy on Wheels and Cluebot IX. They both have daggers, and they are circling each other. Willy is backing Cluebot IX into a corner, but Cluebot doesn't realize what's going on. Suddenly, Willy makes a lunge towards Cluebot.
- Willy: YEEHAW! Stabs Cluebot IX in the groin, castrating him
- Cluebot IX:
OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Pitch of scream becomes ultrasonic
- ClueBot NG: NOOOOO! My brother! I WILL DESTROY YOU!!! Jumps at Willy on Wheels, screaming war cries.
Cut to scene of Wikipedian and American armies chasing Willy off the battlefield. Brambleberry of RiverClan is the last to leave, jumping down from the tree and dragging the still-unconscious Whoop whoop pull up away. Vandal 8 tries to attack her, but Brambleberry is quick to drop the bureaucrat, turn around, and attack the council member before she picks her up again and trots away happily. Fade out.
Scene IV: The Council of Wiki
| Whoop whoop pull up/Wikipedia IV: Attack of the Vandals | |
|---|---|
| Type | Government council |
| Founded | 4 January 2018 |
| Location | Appalachian Mountains |
| Key people | Jimbo Wales, original and usurped King of the Wiki
Shadow, a WikiPuma translator for Wikipedian language, and Brambleberry's right-hand cat |
| Purpose | To redeem Jimbo Wales' position as King of the Wiki |
| Technologies | The WikiPumas have special battle suits; the users have futuristic cannons and guns |
| Powers | None as of yet; main focus is not economic |
| Affiliations | American Union |
| Subsidiaries | The WikiPumas |
The Wikipedians and WikiPumas of common importance are sitting in plush chairs in a Great Hall hidden in the part of the Appalachian Mountains in Pennsylvania. There is a long podium with a large claw-footed mahogany table. There are four chairs behind it. The two in the mdidle are large and intricately decorated, also mahogany and claw-footed. Jimbo Wales and Brambleberry of RiverClan sit in them. Jimbo's is decorated with the Wikipedia logo, Brambleberry of RiverClan's with the paw print insignia of the WikiPumas. On Brambleberry of RiverClan's right sits Shadow, the translator for WikiPumas that do not speak any language of Wikipedia and Brambleberry's deputy. On Jimbo's left sits Whoop whoop pull up, the bureaucrat who took control when Jimbo was missing.
- Jimbo Wales: Welcome to the first ever meeting of the Council of Wiki. The council, as you know, is a combination of the Army of Wikipedia and the Tribe of WikiPumas. The opening topic of discussion is the American Union. They fought in the Battle of Gainesville. Do they harm or help us? Brambleberry, you are strongly in favor of keeping them. Discuss your point.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: There are seven main powers in the world. South America has the Constitutional Democracy of Brazil. Africa has the New Egyptian Kingdom. Europe has the Irish Empire. Asia has the Russian Kingdom. Australia has the Australian Republic. Antarctica has the Alliance of Penguins. And North America has the American Union. If we can get the majority of these seven main powers on our side, we can defeat Willy on Wheels. The American Union was probably the easiest. The others will be more difficult. We need all the help we can get. We must keep them, because they are mercenaries. If we desert them, they will join Uncylcopedia. And if they do, that will prove fatal to Wikipedia. Already a few of the vandals have gained the ability to become immortal through jumping into a new body when killed. To defeat them, we need superior numbers. The American Union gave those to us in the battle—in fact, the vast majority of the non-WikiPuma fighters on our side were from the Army of the American Union. Without them, I don't think we could have defeated WoW's forces at Gainesville.
- Jimbo Wales: Cluebot IX, you are strongly against. Discuss your point.
- Cluebot IX: Well, it is difficult for me to speak for fear of ridicule, but I suppose. The American Union did little to help us in our efforts. They did not kill a council member. They did not haul an unconscious bureaucrat up a tree to keep him safe. They did nothing to help us. So why should we keep dead weight?
- Jimbo Wales: You have heard the points. Now vote. All in favor of keeping the American Union, say "Aye"!
Loud ring of "Aye!"
- Jimbo Wales: All opposed to keeping the American Union, say "Nay"!
Softer ring of "Nay!"
- Jimbo Wales: That settles it. We keep the American Union. Now, Brambleberry brought up another point. There are seven main powers. I believe that her plan to get the majority on our side is right, so now we must vote on who to get on our side next. Brambleberry, any highlights of the groups?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: The Constitutional Democracy of Brazil has extreme timber resources with the Amazon rainforest, but they may be opposed to using it. The New Egyptian Kingdom is strong, but they are poor. The Irish Empire has many soldiers, but it is loosely held together. The Russian Kingdom has large space and ample people, but it is overcrowded and some parts have too extreme weather for the WikiPumas. The Australian Republic is best for sea attacks, but there is poor water. And the Alliance of Penguins is large, but it is not made of humans or pumas. Just penguins.
- Jimbo Wales: Thank you. Now, all in favor of supporting the Constitutional Democracy of Brazil, say aye.
A few say aye.
- Jimbo Wales: All in favor of supporting the New Egyptian Kingdom say aye.
Fewer say aye.
- Jimbo Wales: All in favor of supporting the Irish Empire, say aye.
About one-fourth say aye.
- Jimbo Wales: All in favor of supporting the Russian Kingdom, say aye.
A few say aye.
- Jimbo Wales: All in favor of supporting the Australian Republic, say aye.
A few say aye.
- Jimbo Wales: All in favor of supporting the Alliance of Penguins, say aye.
Cricket chirp.
- Jimbo Wales: It has been decided. We are going to try to get the Irish Empire to join our efforts.
Scene V: The Irish Empire
Jimbo, Norton, and Brambleberry walk up to meet the queen of the Irish Empire, a young ginger named Ban'rion Cliste. She sits on an emerald throne with three green-painted wolfhounds that jump up at the sight of Brambleberry, but are quickly quieted by the WikiPuma.
- Jimbo Wales: Your Majesty, we are of the highly-esteemed Council of Wiki. I am the notorious Jimbo Wales, but my throne has been toppled by a vandal known as Willy on Wheels. We Wikipedians have gained the support of the American Union, as represented by Emperor Norton III, and the WikiPumas, as represented by Brambleberry of RiverClan. We need you to help join our efforts.
- Ban'rion Cliste: I will consider it. The English Wikipedia was not the only one affected by the vandals. OUR Wikipedia, Vicipéid, was attacked as well.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I am afraid that there is no waiting, Your Highness. Every moment we waste, the army of Willy on Wheels and the Uncyclopedians grows, their men gathering bodies to jump into and their women sewing sockpuppets. We will need the support of more than half of the world's great powers to join our efforts.
- Ban'rion Cliste: Did you say Uncyclopedia?
- Norton III: Yes, they are all supporting Willy on Wheels.
- Ban'rion Cliste: Uncyclopedia has written a horrible article about us that is completely untrue! If that is the case, of course we will join you!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Welcome aboard, Ban'rion. If it is no problem to you, you might want to gather your troops quickly. The Uncyclopedians have gathered the Alliance of Penguins.
Jimbo Wales and Ban'rion Cliste turn around to see Willy on Wheels marching forward with the king of the penguins, Dockuin, and all of the adult emperor penguins in Antarctica as well as all vandals following him.
- Ban'rion Cliste: Faol Laochra, assemble!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: (piercing shriek)
- Jimbo Wales: Wikipedians, fall in!
- Willy on Wheels: Vandals, kill!
- Dockuin: (penguin sounds)
Scene VI: The Battle of Dublin
| Battle of Dublin | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Part of Wikipedian-Uncyclopedian War | |||||||
 The Wikipedian and Irish armies digging in. | |||||||
| |||||||
| Belligerents | |||||||
Wikipedia Irish Empire WikiPumas |
Uncyclopedia Alliance of Penguins | ||||||
| Commanders and leaders | |||||||
|
Brambleberry of RiverClan |
Dockuin | ||||||
| Strength | |||||||
|
50,000 users 990,000 infantry, 10,000 Faol Lochra, 150 tanks 20,000,000 WikiPumas |
600,000 vandals, 6,000 tanks 15,000,000 penguins | ||||||
| Casualties and losses | |||||||
|
15,000 users killed430,000 infantry killed, 100,000 infantry wounded, 3,000 Faol Lochra killed, 3,000 Faol Lochra wounded, 120 tanks destroyed 1,000,000 WikiPumas killed400,000 WikiPumas injured |
340,000 vandals killed, 5,100 tanks destroyed 750,000 penguins killed300,000 penguins injured | ||||||
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I'd estimate their overall numbers to be a little larger than fifteen and a half million. We have much more than that. We should be okay. Where's Norton?
- Whoop whoop pull up: He wanted to hold down America while we got Ban'rion. He's not here.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: (growl) We could have used them. Okay, take the users on the left, the Faol Lochra and forty thousand infantry on the right, and the rest through the middle, tanks first, then WikiPumas, then infantry. Understand?
- Jimbo Wales: Are you sure this will work?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I've been studying ancient commanders, and the best thing to do is to trap them. GO!
The Wikipedians, infantry, Faol Lochra, WikiPumas, and tanks, take Brambleberry of RiverClan's suggestions, and they begin their assault, forming a sufficient wall to trap all the Uncyclopedians and penguins, with the tanks, pumas, and infantry keeping the Uncylopedians on the left and the penguins on the right.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: ATTACK!
The armies begin to hack their way through the penguins and user while keeping their wall. Then Vandal 3 grabs Ban'rion Cliste by the arm and rips her out of formation. The gap is quickly patched before anyone can escape, but Vandal 3 takes the queen's sword out of her arm and hold it to her throat as he ducks under the formation, running away with her to their Ireland camp.
- Ban'rion Cliste: Help! Help!
- Vandal 3: If you dare talk, I'll cut your throat out.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I'm going after her!
- Whoop whoop pull up: It's too dangerous! They'll shoot you!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: No, they won't. Every one of them is here except Vandal 3!
- Whoop whoop pull up: Your pumas need you!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: And the Faol Lochra need her!
- Whoop whoop pull up: Please! You've become...a...friend to me recently. I don't want to lose you. I don't know what happened to Mav, and I want to know that at least one of those who helped in WP:ELEM is safe!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: (weak) It's my duty, though, to Jimbo.
- Whoop whoop pull up: Who's more important to you: A queen you barely know with an old-enough heir apparent to replace her, or someone you've spent the winter mocking, but mocking like friends do?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: As much as my hatred towards sentimentality makes me want to slit you from your throat to your stomach, I guess I can stay.
- Whoop whoop pull up: Great!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Vandal 6! Get out of the way!
As the football-player vandal charges, everyone moves to the sides while Brambleberry of RiverClan braces herself. As he headbutts her, she jumps out of the way and grabs his throat, bringing him down. Cluebot IX takes his pulse.
- Cluebot IX: (in high-pitched voice) He's dead!
- Willy on Wheels: Vandals, retreat!
- Dockuin: (penguin sounds)
The remaining vandals and penguins run away, and a unanimous sigh goes out by all of the users, infantry, Faol Lochra, and WikiPumas as they can breathe easy again.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Wait! Whoop whoop pull up, come with me! If they're retreating, they're probably going to replace him! We can find out how to get the exact likeness!
- Whoop whoop pull up: I'm coming!
The puma and bureaucrat run after the vandals and penguins, but keep quiet.
Scene VII: Inside the Fortress
Brambleberry of RiverClan and Whoop whoop pull up wander through the dark halls of Willy on Wheels' fortress. There are portraits of Willy in various scenes, from the banishment of Jimbo Wales to a speculation painting of him holding the severed head of Jimbo in one hand and a bloodied sword in the other. There are also the taxidermied heads of WikiFauna with a black-and-white photograph of him with the body underneath. Brambleberry of RiverClan hisses and spits at the head of a WikiPuma.
- Whoop whoop pull up: You're going to alert them of our presence!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: A little hiss is nothing compared to talking! Now keep moving!
They keep walking down the corridor until eventually they reach a door with the words SECRET LABORATORY! KEEP OUT! written in large block letters.
- Whoop whoop pull up: That must be where we find out the secret!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: (sarcastically) You think?
- Whoop whoop pull up: Well, I mean, it says... oh.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Unless...
She cautiously opens the door, only to find that instead of a laboratory, they have found a bathroom.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I'll bet that the bathroom leads to the secret laboratory.
- Whoop whoop pull up: I pity the new vandal who isn't told.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Hey, you know something that I want to know?
- Whoop whoop pull up: Shoot.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: The Uncyclopedians have allied with the Alliance of Penguins, right?
- Whoop whoop pull up: Right.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Well, Thekillerpenguin is a penguin in a way, right?
- Whoop whoop pull up: Are you suggesting that Thekillerpenguin is working with the vandals?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Like I said, I want to know desperately. He doesn't like to talk about his past... maybe he was exiled?
- Whoop whoop pull up: That's a possibility.
Both realize that TKP has been dead since the last war, and suddenly a floating figure appears
- Thekillerpenguin's ghost: I will travel to the penguin capital and compel the Emperor Penguin (pun intended) to change his mind, forcefully if I have to. I have one last thing to say to you: The spirit of the Wikipedian will always be with you.
TKP's ghost vanishes in a gust of wind, while his last statement echoes in the air
- Whoop whoop pull up: What does that mean?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: We'll find out later.
Footsteps.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I hear footsteps, let's go!
Scene VIII: Compelling People 101
The camera zooms in on a lavishly decorated palace in a busy city in Antarctica during the nighttime
- Dockuin: Ahh, that was a nice meal of krill and caviar. Time for bed!
Dockuin steps in his bed, and within a few minutes, he is sound asleep.
- Thekillerpenguin's ghost: Let's give this a go.
TKP's ghost enters Dockuin's dream. TKP flashes the dreamscape into a small room with a meat grinder and vinegar.
- T.K.P.'s ghost: Let's have a go, shall we?
He injects Dockuin with a serum that makes him immortal, and stuffs him into a meat grinder, turning it on and adding the vinegar and other acids.
- T.K.P.'s ghost: And for a personal touch, let's throw in some elevator music...
Dockuin gets stuck in this situation for what seems like an eternity
- Dockuin: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE NO CHRISTMAS GHOST, BUT I GET WHAT YOU MEAN!!!! PLEASE, LET ME GO!
Dockuin wakes up in the morning, covered in a sea of sweat and with a fast heartbeat
- T.K.P.'s ghost: Wait, I could put him in a dream within a dream, just like in Inception! Naaa, too cliché-ish.
Scene IX: The Messenger
- Dockuin: Servant, send me a messenger to inform Willy that we will be breaking off all communications with Uncyclopedia and another messenger to inform Jimbo that we will be accepting his offer and sending a regiment of our elite soldiers, the Legionaries, as we call them.
The Legionaries, the elite troopers of the penguin army, are heavily clad in armor, equipped with state of the art weapons, and while not as advanced as the legendary soldier Thekillerpenguin, who could slaughter a army of vandals without breaking a sweat, they are equally deadly. This minute they are all standing in front of Dockuin.
- Dockuin: Soldiers, this day we have changed our alliances, swapped our allies, so we can help Jimbo and his Wikipedians to crush the regime of Willy on Wheels. WoW as already killed penguin hostages, not to mention snacked on a lot of our bagels, so he must be eliminated so we can still be a dominant power. Servant, how is our messenger doing?
- Servant: He's on his way, sir.
Camera changes to view the Appalachian mountains, with a lone penguin rushing across a pass to reach Jimbo's makeshift base. Unfortunately, the guards don't buy his story, so they are chasing him all the way.
- Messenger: OW, MY SPINE! Oh well, I guess that that can be fixed. OW, YOU BLEW OFF MY ARM! Oh well, I guess that I can live with that. OHHHHHHH, MY BROOD POUCH! Guess I'm not passing any genes along, now.
The guards chase the messenger for several hours. The camera fast forward's the footage, playing Yakety Sax in the background. He finally manages to reach Jimbo's tent, although not in one piece, more like a bloody heap. He delivers Jimbo the message.
- Guard 1: Hey, there he is! GO GET'M BOY'S!
They all fire heavily at him, and the messenger finally collapses.
- Messenger: *groans* One...Last...Thing...To...Say:...*takes last breath* Don't shoot the messenger...
The messenger dies, and Jimbo orders his body to be put in a cardboard box to be mailed back to Antarctica.
Scene X: Even More Allies
Jimbo reads the document that the Emperor sent him, and smiles to the fact that there will be more backup. Suddenly, a stranger of low stature, clad in a trench coat and hood, enters the tent. Jimbo pulls out his pistol.
- Jimbo: Who are you?!
The stranger pulls off the trench coat, to reveal no one other than the legendary Thekillerpenguin. However, it is not the same Thekillerpenguin that Jimbo had met years earlier. He is taller, about the size of Jimbo actually, and is somber and emotionless. He also is more silent than before.
- Thekillerpenguin: Jimbo, old friend, I have come to help in your time of need. It's a long story how I got my body back, but I will tell you later. Right now, there is a huge force of vandals coming right for your fort!
- Jimbo: Oh no... Call the Wikipedians to ready their weapons, get in the trenches, and dig in! It's like the winter war all over again!
The Wikipedians all run in their trenches, while Thekillepenguin goes up to scout the area.
- Admin: This is my first time in battle... I'm nervous!
- Jimbo: Do not fear, comrade, this is a time of danger, and that is perfectly fine. Besides, Thekillerpenguin's here to help us.
Thekillerpenguin relays his findings via radio, while he prepares to attack.
- Unencyclopedia Commander: ATTTAACCCKKKKKK!!!!!!1!!!111!!!1ELEVEN!
Suddenly, the commander falls silent, and the confused Uncyclopedia troops look at him. No sooner than that happens, the commander's tank has many cracks on it, and the tank then turns to dust. As the vandals turn around, they notice several Cluebots, rollbacks armed, pointing at them. However, Willy on Wheels has something else under his sleeves...
- Willy on Wheels: Uncyclops, Attack!!
A huge mechanical cyclops with the Uncyclopedia logo on its forehead suddenly rushes forward to the trenches, and brutally executes all the Cluebots by ripping their artificial spines out and then killing the screaming bot by choking them with the said spine. The artificial blood of Cluebots covered the entire battlefield in a few minutes.
- Jimbo: HOLY SCHIST, we lost an entire regiment of Cluebots in five minutes! Call some more, Whoop Whoop!
- Whoop Whoop pull up: WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE!
- Unknown voice: Oh yes you do!
Suddenly, ClueBot NG falls out of the sky, landing next to Thekillerpenguin, who suddenly uncloaks right in front of the Uncyclops, starting a grueling battle, testing all partakers. As the cyclops tries to smash Thekillerpenguin, he turns the Uncyclop's entire leg motor upside down, making it kick itself. Enraged, the cyclops punches Thekillerpenguin in the face with 2-ton force. Not quite finished yet, Thekillerpenguin throws a volley of feather knives at the Uncyclop's crotch, as ClueBot NG pummels its buttocks. Even further enraged, the Uncyclops charges up a particle blast from its eye, with the resulting explosion wounding ClueBot NG, Thekillerpenguin and the Uncyclops heavily. Both kneeling or keeled over, the fate of the battle would be decided by the other forces.
Scene XI: Clash of the Bots
Camera switches to scene of Cluebot and Vandalbot standing on a cliff edge
- Vandalbot: Brother, its been too long...
- Cluebot: Why do you call me brother?
- Vandalbot: You don't know? You see, we're twins, clones of the greatest bot of the 21st century!
- Cluebot: Antivandalbot...
- Vandalbot: They decided to give you his dominant "genes" and give me his recessive! You stole my birthright before I was even born!
- Cluebot: ...
- Vandalbot: But now we are not his clones any more, I have surpassed him in might and strength! Now, let us do our final battle!
The metal gear solid theme plays quietly in the distance and the two brothers fight to the death in an epic fist fight
- Cluebot: VVVAAANNNDDDDALLLL!!!!111!!!ELEVEN!
- Vandalbot: CCCLLLUUUEEEEE!!!!!11!!11!ELEVEN!
The two bots fight until Vandalbot eventually knocks Cluebot over the cliff. Cluebot hangs on but is giving up hope. Vandalbot stands over him like Scar standing over Mufasa in The Lion King.
- Cluebot: Come on, you just said that we're brothers!
- Vandalbot: Yes, and that means that when you die, I inherit your Cluebot powers!
- Cluebot: You can't do this to me! I'm a bot! We don't die!
- Vandalbot: Long live the Cluebot!
Vandalbot pushes Cluebot over the side, where he falls in a mangled heap of metal and wires. With a few quick whirrs, Vandalbot looks exactly like Cluebot.
- Cluebot NG: Video capture saved.
(CluebotNG runs away)
Scene XII: Weeding Out the Spy
Brambleberry of RiverClan and Whoop whoop pull up are talking to Thekillerpenguin.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I'm sorry for thinking you could have been a spy.
- Thekillerpenguin: No, no, I totally understand. The penguins allied with Willy, so you thought I would be more loyal to my species. Trust me, I get it. If the WikiPumas allied with Willy, I'd think you were a spy, Brambleberry.
- Whoop whoop pull up: So how did you get your body back?
- Thekillerpenguin: That's a story for a time of peace, if you're still alive.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: What if you die again?
- Thekillerpenguin: I'll always get my body back.
- Whoop whoop pull up: Okay, can you tell us about your past?
- Thekillerpenguin: Another long story.
Cluebot's body comes crashing down in the middle of Brambleberry of RiverClan, Thekillerpenguin, and Whoop whoop pull up.
- Whoop whoop pull up: Cluebot!
Cluebot IX comes over to inspect.
- Cluebot IX: Oh dear, does that make my existence impossible because I was a clone?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Actually, it makes your existence important. You're made of material things, so you'll still be around, and now you're the only remaining Cluebot.
- Vandalbot: Not so!
- Whoop whoop pull up: Cluebot! But who's that?
- Vandalbot: That was my brother, Vandalbot. He tried to impersonate me to spy on us, but I stopped him.
- Thekillerpenguin: Do you think there could be more spies?
- Vandalbot: There's one, I'm sure. We'll hold a trial of everyone to see tomorrow.
Vandalbot leaves.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I don't trust him.
- Thekillerpenguin: You think he might be Vandalbot?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: He just doesn't taste right.
- Thekillerpenguin: Whaa?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Cats can taste smells with their Jacobson's organ, and he doesn't taste like Cluebot.
- Whoop whoop pull up: Whatever. I'm out of here.
Whoop whoop pull up leaves.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Like I said, this guy isn't right. I think he's Vandalbot.
- ClueBot NG (walks in): He is!
- Thekillerpenguin: Well let's work together to expose him, then!
Scene XIII: The Trial/The Interrogation
- Thekillerpenguin: Back to the meat grinder!
While "Cluebot" is taking a nap, Thekillerpenguin again uses the meat grinder method, only this time with a very strong meat grinder and hydrochloric acid. Not to mention even worse elevator music...
- "Cluebot": AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I AM NOT A SPY! OWWWWWWWW!!! TRUST ME!
- Thekillerpenguin: But I don't trust you...
Thekillerpenguin scans "Cluebot"'s thoughts, revealing footage of his battle with Vandalbot
- Thekillerpenguin: Hey, this is from Vandalbot's perspective!
Thekillerpenguin makes an announcement to the real world
- Thekillerpenguin: THE CLUEBOT IS A SPY, I REPEAT: THE CLUEBOT IS A SPY!
However, it is too late, as the legions of Cluebots have been infected with the VandalVirus, turning them against their owners
- CorenSearchBot: Hello, I have performed a search on the contents of the page Jimbo's tent and have found the page to be very similar to the page _______. The page has been marked for deletion by Vandalbot as a bagel infringment. Thank you.
- Jimbo: GET OUT OF THE TENT, BEFORE IT EXPLODES!
Jimbo's tent blows up, killing a few editors who didn't make it outside.
- Cluebot NG: You have been blocked by Cluebot NG, an automated computer program that blocks user who make constructive edits.
Cluebot NG goes on a killing spree, while Thekillerpenguin drags "Cluebot" to the court.
- Thekillerpenguin: Here's the spy, Arbitrators! I caught evidence! See this clip of his fight with Vandalbot? It's from Vandalbot's perspective!
- Arbitrator: What is Cluebot's defence?
- "Cluebot": I LIKE BAGELS, BAGELS ARE ROUND! ROUND LIKE THE SUN, THE SUN IS YELLOW....
- Arbitrators: Bagels are good! The verdict is that Cluebot is not guilty!
- Thekillerpenguin: WHAT?!
To be continued...
Scene XIV: What Happened to Cluebot?
Screen switches to scene where Cluebot is shown dismembered at a scrap yard. Pictures of Cluebot's past flash over the screen
- Cobi: Cluebot, you can't die now! Cluebot? Cluebot! CLUEBOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Cluebot: Who, who is that?
- Cobi: It's me, Cobi! I built you!
- Cluebot: You may have to build another one.
- Cobi: No, wait! My dad is a welder. He may be able to help put you back together.
- Cluebot: Well, we'll have to try.
Cobi takes Cluebot to his father.
- Cobi: This is Cluebot, Dad. Fix him!
- Cobi's dad: I'll try the best that I can do, but it may be too late.
Cobi's father gets his tools together and picks up one of Cluebot's broken pieces.
- Cobi's dad: This isn't Cluebot.
- Cobi: Wha- what?
- Cobi's dad: Cluebot is an animatronic figure. He would be made out of silicone rubber on top to look like a human. This is made out of metal and plastic.
- Cobi: So what is it, then?
- Cobi's dad: Judging by the Uncyclopedic craftsmanship, I would have to say that Cluebot sacrificed an Uncyclops in his place.
- Cobi: So, Cluebot's alive?
- Cobi's dad: That is left to be determined.
Scene XV: The Following Day (Or, Penguins and Pumas are Not to be Trusted)
"Cluebot" is pacing in front of the gathered Wikipedians.
- "Cluebot": Comrades--
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: '('Whispered to Thekillerpenguin) Is he Napoleon the pig?
- Thekillerpenguin: No, at least until he writes "All users are equal, but some are more equal than others." So Rouge-admin like.
- "Cluebot": I have gathered you here today because I have discovered something. There are Uncyclopedian spies among us!
Gasps and hushed discussion follow amongst the crowd.
- "Cluebot": SILENCE! There are around five or six spies, and intense interrogation will be used to weed them out. However, I have deduced that Brambleberry of RiverClan the WikiPuma and Thekillerpenguin the bionic penguin are two of them!
- Jimbo Wales: How can you be sure?
- "Cluebot": I have a 0.25% fail rate.
- Thekillerpenguin: More like a 0.25% epic fail rate and a 99.75% stupidity rate.
- "Cluebot": NoPersonalAttacks.
- Thekillerpenguin: Ha! As a bot, you are not a person, therefore it is not a personal attack. Anyway, I will spray Armenian Hot Sauce on everybody. If they burst into flames and suffer a horrible death, they are spies.
T.K.P. sprays Armenian Hot Sauce on everybody, but he gets too many false positives.
- Thekillerpenguin: Hmmm, considering a dozen Wikipedians just burst into flames, we might have to use a better method. Oh wait, let me spray it on Cluebot.
"Cluebot" soon burst into flames, but a pouch full of Pro-vandalism barnstars awarded only to vandals falls out of his pockets.
- Thekillerpenguin: Wait, where did Cluebot's personal Wikidog guard go?
- Wikidog guard: Woof Woof Woof! (Translation: Right behind you.)
They all turn around to see "Cluebot"s personal guard Wikidogs surrounding them.
Scene XVI: VandalVirus+Bots=...
Infected bots soon reach the trial grounds
- Cluebot NG: CONSTRUCTIVE CONTRIBUTERS DETECTED. COMMENCING CLEAN UP.
- CorenSearchBot: I HAVE DETECTED THAT THESE ACCOUNTS ARE COPYVIOS. COMMENCING CLEAN UP.
- SuggestBot: BASED ON YOUR RECENT CLEAN-UP HABITS, YOU MAY WANT TO ALSO CLEAN UP WHOOP WHOOP PULL UP, EIFFEL, J.DELANOY, AND JIMBO WALES.
- Cluebot NG and CorenSearchBot: COMMENSING CLEANUP.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: TKP, did they get you?
- Thekillerpenguin: No, I feel fine. I'm not a bot run by Wikipedia, and therefore they can't take my mind.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: We need to get out of here quick.
- Thekillerpenguin: I'll get Whoop whoop pull up, Eiffel, J.delanoy, and Jimbo.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: NO! The infected bots are looking for them. If we take them with us, then we'll lead the bots to us.
- Thekillerpenguin: Uck! Why didn't I think of that?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I know just the place where we can go.
After a bird's-eye view of Brambleberry of RiverClan and Thekillerpenguin walking through the woods, the same sign is passed that says WARNING! YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER THE "WHAT IS A TROLL?" WOODS.
- Thekillerpenguin: The troll woods?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Trust me, trolls won't bother you if you ignore them. They'll move on.
- Thekillerpenguin: What are we doing in the Meta, anyway?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: The vandals are focused on Wikipedia at the moment. It is only when they defeat Wikipedia that they would move on to the Meta.
- Thekillerpenguin: What a pessimistic attitude.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Eh, I live with it. Anyway, here is relatively safe for now.
- (in distance): COMMENCING CLEANUP OF 1,337 ARTICLES
- (minor server lag)
- (page parts rain down from the sky)
- Thekillerpenguin: What's that, then?
Brambleberry of RiverClan turns to see a crowd of WikiBarbarians.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: What's that? It's something not very good.
Scene XVII: Cluebot Lives
Cut to a bird's-eye view of Cluebot in the vast wasteland of AfD.
- Cluebot: I had shaken Vandalbot for now and sacrificed an Uncyclops in my place, but something still seemed all rather off. It was as if without the power of Cluebot to keep vandalism in check, the Vandals would win the Wikipedian-Uncyclopedian war. And you couldn't let that happen. So now here I am at AfD. I need to find my way to the campsite and restore order. But yet... I think order has been already lost.
Teahouse, a calm gyrfalcon, swoops in.
- Cluebot: What news do you bring, Teahouse?
- Teahouse: The campsite has been attacked by Vandalbot posing as you and a VandalVirus infected the bots. Now they're "cleaning up" helpful contributors. However, two editors known as Brambleberry of RiverClan and Thekillerpenguin survived, and in the scrap shop a boy named Cobi and his father are eager to help. Find them, gather them, and destroy Willy and his wicked VandalBots forever!
- Voice: Hello, Cluebot.
Cluebot turns around to see JarlaxleArtemis and Mr. Treason.
- Cluebot: You're alive!
- JarlaxleArtemis: (points a Colt revolver at Cluebot) Yes, and that's more than I'll be able to say about you.
Suddenly, an old, raspy voice speaks from behind.
- Voice: Sorry, J.A. and Mr. T., but we have better things to do right now.
Suddenly, a giant ban hammer hits both LTAs, sending them to Kingdom come. Cluebot turns around to see no on else but the legendary AntiVandalBot.
- Cluebot: Anti...Vandal...bot?
- AntiVandalBot: Yes, I've come from the dead to help you.
- Cluebot: We could really use your help here. A VandalVirus has infected all the other bots, and we need to stop them and VandalBot.
- AntiVandalBot: Here's an old trick: Get Cobi to move you from the toolserver to another computer. Then you can't be infected.
- Cobi: Done.
- Cluebot: We still have to get to the basecamp, father.
- AntiVandalBot: If you listen carefully, you can here gunfire about 20 kilometers away from us. It's getting dark, and we need to move quickly. Unless you want to be the dinner of a WikiGiant.
Scene XVIII: Ain't no trolls in the Troll Woods
Thekillerpenguin is fighting the barbarians himself, while his Wikipuma friend escapes from the area.
- Thekillerpenguin: I thought that there were only trolls in the troll woods!
Suddenly a P.A. announcement in the language of WikiBarbarians is broadcasted, and they all retreat. In caution, Thekillerpenguin activates his cloaking device.
- Thekillerpenguin: What now?
The German reference desk troll appears, brandishing the weapons of trolling.
- Thekillepenguin: Finally, one troll.
- German R.D. troll: I'm a LTA, not a troll!
- Thekillerpenguin: Well, you were trolling.
- German R.D. troll: ....
They start fighting, but Thekillerpenguin can already tell the battle is not being won, so he retreats, but something else happens... Giant eggshells fall out of the sky like comets. The eggs crack upon reaching the ground, revealing the Penguin Legionaries.
- Legionary 1: Screw the Calvary, THE PENGUINS ARE HERE!
- Legionaries 1-20: HOO-RAH!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I found some backup for you.
- Thekillerpenguin: Brambleberry! I thought you were gone!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I'm not a scaredy-cat. And I've got more. (she steps aside to reveal more WikiPumas).
Brambleberry of RiverClan, Thekillerpenguin, the Legionnaires, and the WikiPumas attack the German reference desk troll. Eventually he falls dead, almost crushing Thekillerpenguin.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Were you troll-hunting?
- Thekillerpenguin: No. Why do you ask?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Some people wonder why there are no trolls in the "What is a Troll?" Woods, so they go hunting for one. Truth be told, the trolls are migrating to Wikipedia, taking advantage of the war to do their work.
- Thekillerpenguin: So what do we do now?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: (flehms) There's someone else here. (flehms again) No, two. They taste like uninfected bots.
- Thekillerpenguin: How far away are they?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: On the other edge of the woods. Not good.
- Thekillerpenguin: What's the problem this time?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I smell other things. Smells of death. WikiZombies are roaming.
- Thekillerpenguin: Great! They'll only get in our way!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Well, just remember to attack the brain.
Scene XIX: ClueBot in the Troll Woods
Teahouse comes flying in again.
- Teahouse: I have finished my survey of the Troll Woods. The editors are here, but a large mass of WikiZombies is exactly equidistant between them.
- AntiVandalBot: They may not be vandals, but I can try to deal with them.
- Cluebot: Careful, as Wikizombies only eat Wikipedians and disrupt consensus, and they don't vandalize.
- (faintly in distance): COMMENCING CLEANUP
- AntiVandalBot: Oh! Let me call over my brother.
AntiVandalBot calls his brother over.
- AntiDisruptionBot: What's up, bro! Hey, could you approve me?
- Cobi: Done.
The two bots bump fists.
- AntiDisruptionBot: Whats that smell? That smell that smells like a smell that reminds you of something... WikiZombies...
A horde of the Wikizombies attack the trio.
- Wikizombie 1: Brraaiiinss...
They fend off the zombies, while AntiVandalBot scouts the area ahead.
- AntiVandalBot: Its getting really dark now. Are you sure if you want to go ahead? I here the Wikigiants got kicked out of Wikipedia, and they live here now.
After he finishes speaking, a loud "NOM OM NOM NOM" sound accompanied by the screaming of a newbie and gunfire occurs in the distance. The Penguin Legionaries drop down from their eggshell drop pods and finish off the horde of WikiZombies.
- Legionary: WHO-HOO!
A few minutes later, a Wikigiant comes down.
- Wikigiant: PENGUIN IS DELICIOUS! NOM ON NOM NOM!
The giant eats several legionaries.
- WikiGiant: TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!
- AntiVandalBot: RUN AWAY!!!
The trio flees from the gruesome scene as the WikiGiant eats "dessert".
Scene XX: To Antarctica we go
Thekillerpenguin and Brambleberry of Riverclan stand over the bodies of the Wikizombies. Along with the Legionaries and WikiPumas
- Legionary Commander: Wikipedians, we need your help fighting the Leopard Seals in Antarctica before we can devote our full military to your cause. Could you spare a few powerful Wikipedians to send to Antarctica for a week or two? Some help from the Irish Empire would be helpful, too.
- Thekillerpenguin: I'll go.
- Brambleberry of Riverclan: I'll have to stay here to guard basecamp.
Jimbo calls the Legionary Commander and volunteers for the job.
- Jimbo: Brambleberry and Whoop Whoop will be in charge of the camp while I'm away.
Thekillerpenguin and Jimbo step onto a penguin airplane and fly south, all the way to Antarctica to a base called "Bagel Hill".
- Jimbo: It's cold in Antarctica, even with my coats on!
- Thekillerpenguin: Well, I grew up here. You should get used to it.
- Jimbo: Speaking of which, what was your childhood like?
- Thekillerpenguin: It's a long story, one that I don't have time to tell right now. The Leopard Seals are coming any minute now!
A base alarm suddenly sounds, as all the soldiers there rush to the walls to defend. Jimbo grabs his Banhammer while Thekillerpenguin activates his battle armor.
- Penguin Commander: Get ready, everyone. It's going to be a long fight today!
Scene XXI: The Battle of Bagel Hill
| Battle of Bagel Hill | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Part of Penguin-Leopard Seal War | |||||||
 A lone sentinel stands watch over the newly-won Bagel Hill | |||||||
| |||||||
| Belligerents | |||||||
|
Alliance of Penguins |
 United Nation of Leopard Seals | ||||||
| Commanders and leaders | |||||||
|
Dockuin |
General BigTooth | ||||||
| Strength | |||||||
|
600 Legionaries 200 VTOLs |
800 L.S. infantry 300 L.S. tanks | ||||||
| Casualties and losses | |||||||
|
400 Legionaries dead 100 Legionaries wounded 20 VTOLs destroyed |
600 L.S. infantry dead 150 L.S. infantry wounded 300 L.S. tanks destroyed | ||||||
Several images of fighting between penguins and leopard seals are flashed before a final bird's-eye of carnage.
- Dockuin: How many units do we have left?
- Thekillerpenguin: Only about 200!
- Dockuin: And what of the wounded?
- Thekillerpenguin: One hundred.
- Dockuin: We only have one hundred active units left?
- Thekillerpenguin: It's not all bad news. We got rid of the last tank.
- Dockuin: Okay, and how about our VTOLs?
- Thekillerpenguin: We only lost about twenty.
- Dockuin: Okay, we can do this. Just make the VTOLs more active.
- Jimbo: TKP, you've gotta help me!
- Thekillerpenguin: What?
- Jimbo: My Banhammer broke! Where would I find a new one?
- Thekillerpenguin: There should be another one in the far back of base.
- Jimbo: Thank you!
- Dockuin: We are both tired, hungry, and wounded. Let us hope that the psychological strength of General BigTooth and his troops wears out before mine and the penguins'.
- Thekillerpenguin: I hope that Brambleberry and Whoop whoop are having an easier time back at base.
- Dockuin: They're a bureaucrat and a praetor. I'm sure that they have everything under control.
Jimbo scrambles back into the base to find a new Banhammer. In the meantime, the scene changes to inside a command vehicle.
- General BigTooth: We lost most of our men! Most of the surviving forces are wounded! We only have a handful of troops left! I can't believe that this is happening! We were doing so well! When did it all go south?
- Unknown person: (mumble)
Sergeant SpotFin, a young leopard seal who has progressed through the ranks quickly because of his strategy and swiftness, comes up to the command vehicle.
- Sergeant SpotFin: We have no tanks left, sir.
- General BigTooth: WHAT? How did they destroy all of our tanks?
- Sergeant SpotFin: They have VTOLs, sir.
- General BigTooth: Well, how many of those did we take down?
- Sergeant SpotFin: Maybe twenty.
- General BigTooth: And how many did they start out with?
- Sergeant SpotFin: Two hundred.
- General BigTooth: (growl) Thank you for the report, Sergeant.
Sergeant SpotFin goes back to return to the battlegrounds.
- General BigTooth: It's not SpotFin's fault, I know, but when he gives these reports it's hard not to get mad.
- Unknown person: You kept your temper, though. That's all that matters for the moment.
- General BigTooth: No, what matters for the moment is that I am losing men faster than I can say "Bagel Hill."
- Unknown person: What are you going to do from here?
- General BigTooth: I was hoping that you would have an idea.
- Unknown person: We must retreat. Consider this battle lost, but do not forget your pact with us.
The unknown person gets up and leaves the vehicle, but a glimpse of his coat is seen. On it, a logo with a puzzle-piece egg is seen...
Fade to black.
Scene XXII: Preparing for Battle
Thekillerpenguin and Jimbo, along with all the surviving troops, come back into camp.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: TKP! Jimbo! You're alive! I'd hug you if my paws allowed me to move that way comfortably!
- Whoop whoop pull up: But you have so few men...
- Thekillerpenguin: Yes, it is true, we only have one sixth of the penguins we started with, but those are one hundred more to be added to the remaining troops.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I have a plan for you, and it is something that I will say at the next Council of Wiki.
Flash forward to the next meeting of the Council of Wiki, which has been expanded to six at the head with Thekillerpenguin and Dockuin.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Wikipedians, pumas, penguins, Americans, Irishmen, I have important news. I have devised a plan that, if successful, will return Ban'rion Cliste and defeat Willy on Wheels.
- Lone Faol Lochra: How can she say that? What is this plan?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: If you had let me continue without interruption, I would have told you. Here's how...
Brambleberry flips up a projector, showing a recent Wiki Satellite scan of Tampa City. The tower has been completely covered with vandalism, and all of the buildings are in ruin except for WoW's mansion.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Our scans have shown that there are three main forces in Tampa City right now.
The slide changes as Brambleberry points out three large armies on the overhead map. They are labeled, from left to right, "Leopard Seal Army", "Unencyclopedian Forces", and "Dramapedian Militia".
- Thekillerpenguin: The Dramapedians? I thought they disappeared years ago!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Well, they're back. The good news is, our engineers have made a new weapon...
The slide changes to one that is labeled "Wiki Gear JIM"
- Thekillerpenguin: Woot! A giant mech!
- Brambleberry of Riverclan: Sadly, the Unencyclopedians also have their own mechs...
The slide changes to one labeled "Vandal Gear WoW"
- Thekillerpenguin: They're about equal in strength. We'll have to use JIM to fight WoW.
Brambleberry changes the slide again.
- Brambleberry of Riverclan: Here's our plan. We use JIM to fight WoW in the beginning, and while they are occupied, we will have the penguins attack the Dramapedians, with their Penguin VTOLs and all. The Wikipedians will handle the Leopard seals, while the Irish will battle the Unencyclopedians. If one front is finished before the others, send reinforcements. The Cluebots will assist all the fronts, and the Anti-Disruption bots should help cool down the edit wars at the front lines. The combined air force will bombard the Tampa Tower, while we'll send a few operatives to take the Tower. Got it?
- Everyone: YEAH!!!!!!
Fade to black.
Scene XXIII: The Battle, Part 1
| Last Battle of Tampa City | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Part of Wikipedian-Uncyclopedian War | |||||||
 Willy on Wheels officially surrenders. | |||||||
| |||||||
| Belligerents | |||||||
|
Alliance of Penguins |
 Dramapedians | ||||||
| Commanders and leaders | |||||||
|
Thekillerpenguin |
Drama Llama † | ||||||
| Strength | |||||||
|
120,000 users 14,600 bots 1 Wiki Gear JIM 21,000,000 WikiPumas 1,130,000 infantry345,000 cavalry 205 tanks 1,000,000 infantry25,000 Faol Lochra 17,500,000 Legionaries180 VTOLs |
30,000,000 vandals 100 tanks 1 Vandal Gear WoW 5,500,000 infantry100 tanks 5,500,000 infantry | ||||||
| Casualties and losses | |||||||
|
67,398 users killed or injured 3,572 bots killed or injured 14,935,034 WikiPumas killed or injured 783,184 infantry killed or injured20,091 cavalry killed or injured 106 tanks destroyed 648,197 infantry killed or injured17,306 Faol Lochra killed or injured 10,743,160 Legionaries killed or injured37 VTOLs destroyed |
22,061,835 vandals killed or injured 95 tanks destroyed 1 Vandal Gear WoW destroyed 3,971,660 infantry killed or injured67 tanks destroyed 4,008,749 infantry killed or injured | ||||||
| The last battle in the Wikipedian-Uncyclopedian War. | |||||||
The camera focuses on a large army of Wikipedians, Penguins, and Irish massing outside Tampa City. Oddly enough, it is snowing. Thekillerpenguin has brought his alt account, Thedeadlypenguin, to assist with taking the tower.
- Jimbo: Just remember the plan, comrades. Hmm, I need something epic to say.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Does everyone here want to be an Animal Farm character? SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE.
Crickets sound as an awkward silence ensues. Wait, crickets don't chirp in snowstorms!
- Jimbo: TONIGHT, WE EDIT IN HELL!
- Everyone: HO-RAH!
The coalition charges into battle, and they overwhelm the gate, and swarm into the city. The vandal's machine guns cuts into their numbers, but they manage to reach the cover of the ruined buildings, while the special operations operatives sneak along the outskirts toward the tower, led by Thedeadlypenguin.
- Thedeadlypenguin: Make sure the searchbots don't find us.
The squad sneaks past all the Vandalbots guarding the perimeter, and reach the back door.
- Thedeadlypenguin: Be prepared for whatever is behind that door!
They open the door as the camera fades to black.
Scene XXIV: The Battle of Tampa City, part 2
Wiki Gear JIM is roaming the battlefield piloted by Jimbo, firing off nukes and machine guns at vandals, with the occasional laser, when suddenly something tunnels out of the ground.
- Jimbo: Something's tunneling out of the ground!
As soon as he finishes speaking, a giant mech jumps out of the ground. It is Vandal Gear WoW, piloted by no one but Willy on Wheels himself.
- Willy on Wheels: Tampa City, where our fates were born, AND WHERE YOURS ENDS, JIMBO!
- Jimbo: MORE LIKE WHERE YOURS ENDS!
Both mechs roar loudly, making everyone on the battlefield turn to look.
- Legionary: What was that?
Jimbo fires a salvo of rockets at Willy, all of which hit the weak points, but Willy responds by firing a Vandal-Ray at JIM
- Jimbo: Aggg! This Vandal Ray is corroding JIMs's armor! Repair it!
- Thekillerpenguin: Done!
Jimbo resumes the fight with a few new upgrades from TKP, namely the ability to bite and a, uh, magic box.
- Jimbo: Why'd you give me a box?!
- Thekillerpenguin: It's an artifact. When you really need it, open it up and take what's inside.
Jimbo drives JIM to WoW and uses the biting module.
- Wiki Gear JIM: NOM OM NOM, NOM NOM.
- Willy on Wheels: AGGG! The Vandal-Ray's gone!
Jimbo manages to squeeze in a laser blast at WoW's engine core.
- Willy on Wheels: SpotFin, repair that! BTW, why are the leopard seal's names in CamelCase?
- SpotFin: It's a tradition. Done!
Vandal Gear WoW fires off sockpuppets from the Sock-Cannon, which grab onto JIM and attack Jimbo.
- Thekillerpenguin: Jimbo, watch out!
Thekillerpenguin jumps onto JIM and fends off the sockpuppets, while Jimbo severs the Sock Cannon with a laser beam.
- Jimbo: OK, we really need help now!
Jimbo opens the magic box. A note inside explains that you need a password to access the inside, which is in another dimension.
- Jimbo: Just like Dr. Who, eh?
Jimbo enters the password at pulls out a small pistol.
- Jimbo: WHAT!!
- Thekillerpenguin: Just shoot it at WoW!
Jimbo opens the cockpit and shoots a golden bullet at Vandal Gear WoW.
- Willy on Wheels: UGHH, engine failiure, weapon systems powering down, computer destroyed, I think Vandal Gear is toast.
- Jimbo: WOOHOO!!! Get me my banhammer!
Jimbo rushes over with his banhammer for one last hit on Vandal Gear, which promptly explodes in an epic explosion, as Willy ejects to the Tampa Tower.
- Jimbo: All units, Vandal Gear has been destroyed!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Not yet, Jimbo!
Brambleberry points with her head to Vandal 10, holding a giant Banhammer.
- Vandal 10: Really, Jimbo? You didn't send out someone to use CheckUser?
- Jimbo: Willy on Wheels?
- Vandal 10: Who else?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Jimbo, give me admin tools!
- Jimbo: Why?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I have a plan. TKP, get Ban'rion Cliste!
- Thekillerpenguin: I don't get your point.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: I've got this by myself.
- Thekillerpenguin: I kind of think you need me.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: You're right, I do need you... TO GET BAN'RION!
- Thekillerpenguin: Fine, fine, I get the hint!
Thekillerepenguin waddles off.
Scene XXV: The Battle of Tampa City, Part 3
Thekillerpenguin is walking through the fortress.
- Thekillerpenguin: I've got this by myself, she says. I do need you to get Ban'rion, she says. She's going to be begging for my help soon.
Thekillerpenguin uses laser vision, detects Ban'rion, and picks the lock.
- Thekillerpenguin: I get that you're a figurehead and all, but I really don't see why I have to rescue you.
- Ban'rion Cliste: Mnmumnuh!
- Thekillerpenguin: Yeah, yeah, I get it. Today is "Tell TKP to do a worthless task day" or something.
Thekillerpenguin uses laser vision to break the handcuffs.
- Thekillerpenguin: Hey, do you want to see a puma beg for my help?
- Ban'rion Cliste: Not particularly.
- Thekillerpenguin: Too bad.
Scene XXVI: The Battle of Tampa City, Part 4
Brambleberry of RiverClan is standing on top of a parapet.
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Yoo-hoo! Willy! Up here!
- Vandal 10: Prepare to die, cat!
Vandal 10 uses a spring jump to reach up, where Brambleberry makes a slash with one claw. Vandal 10 freezes in mid-flight and turns into ice that shatters. All the other vandals do the same. Brambleberry of RiverClan jumps down.
- Whoop whoop pull up: Do you think they'll stay like that?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: Of course not. They'll be back. Evil never dies. (To Jimbo) I guess you should take back my admin tools. I should earn them like everyone else.
- Jimbo Wales: Trust me, you more than earned them. In fact, I'm thinking of promoting you straight to bureaucrat!
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: That works too.
Thekillerpenguin and Ban'rion Cliste come out.
- Dockuin: TKP! You should have seen it! Brambleberry defeated Willy with just one scratch!
- Thekillerpenguin: Garrrrr!
- Jimbo: Don't worry! There'll be a big ceremony for you.
Scene XXVII: The End of This Saga, The Beginning of Another
Brambleberry of RiverClan, Whoop whoop pull up, and Thekillerpenguin are on a pedestal while Jimbo stands facing the public.
- Jimbo: These three have been critical in the protection of Wikipedia. Therefore, I am giving them the Award of Impossible Merit, as well as introducing to them new privileges: I call them the Jimbo Privileges: you now have as much power as me.
He gives them each a heavy medal and does an incantation for the privileges.
- Jimbo: May you serve Wikipedia well.
Snow starts coming through the windows.
- Wikipedian: What is that?
- Brambleberry of RiverClan: A snowstorm!
- Unknown person: (heard, not seen) Yes. I am the one that helped General BigTooth, but that is over now. He has been disposed of. Expendable. But I will now take over Wikipedia and succeed in what Willy failed at!
To be continued...