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Humiliation of a man being forced to kneel and hold a dominatrix's purse with his mouth while being caned at Folsom Street Fair in US

Erotic humiliation is a consensual psychological humiliation performed in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal.[1] This can be for either the person(s) being humiliated and demeaned or the person(s) humiliating, or both. It is sometimes performed before spectators, including through pornography and webcam modeling. It may be part of BDSM and other sexual roleplay, or accompanied by the sexual stimulation of the genitals (or other erotic region) of one or both parties in the activity.

Humiliation is a subjective issue and is dependent on context. It does not need to be sexual in nature; as with many other sexual activities, it is the feelings that are obtained from the experience that are desired, regardless of the nature of the actual activity. Usually there is a feeling of submission for the person being humiliated and dominance for the person implementing the humiliation.

Erotic humiliation can be done verbally, physically, or both, and can be either private or public. Some individuals assume an acting role and others prefer to be spoken to in a degrading way. A classic technique that can be used to put the submissive into a bottom mind space is to humiliate them while also providing them with sexual stimulation. Select individuals who desire this form of humiliation also use it to acquire emotional release. Humiliation can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations, it can also be easily carried out over a long distance (such as online).

While fantasy and fascination with erotic humiliation is a prevalent part of BDSM and other sexual roleplay practices, relatively little has been written on it.[2] Humiliation play can, however, be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner, especially if it is public humiliation. Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, which some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword.

Terminology and overview

The most common name for the individual being humiliated is the bottom, and the opposite individual who humiliates the bottom is often called the top. However, these terms are standard ones that are used in general dominant/submissive roleplay and are not specific to humiliation interests.

While elements of erotic humiliation may be part of a number of domination and submission-based activities, humiliation is not the same as submission. The recipient does not necessarily seek to be ordered about. Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the recipient seeks the humiliation over and above means. For example, being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved. Humiliation therefore encompasses a range of paraphilia, including foot fetish, breast fetish, shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, cum shots, peotomy, bondage, and most BDSM styles. It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex; and it can be complex, involving roleplay and public displays of subservience. It can also be for a set period of time (a "scene") or an ongoing facet of a relationship. The humiliation is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, it is semiotically charged by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act. They invest specific acts, objects, or body parts with a humiliating aspect.[3]

Means of humiliation

Cock and ball torture (left) and breast torture (right) showcased on nude submissives at the Folsom Street Fair, US

Many scenarios may give rise to sexual humiliation. Some scenarios may be based on verbal abuse and others on physical aspects.

Verbal humiliation

Physical humiliation

The erotic humiliation of a woman is performed at Wave-Gotik-Treffen music festival, Germany, 2014. She is stripped naked, hung upside down and whipped while a master who is roleplaying a devil forces himself on her.
A woman with clothespins on her labia

Some sexual humiliation involves physical inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation, and embarrassment.

Sexual roleplaying can involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it, and the top might emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal, whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of an inner animal or playful spirit.

Wet and Messy play can also involve humiliation.

Psychology of humiliation

A woman urinating into the mouth of a man is an example of the practice of golden showers. The man is degraded by being treated as a human toilet.
A woman wearing a strap-on dildo about to engage in doggy style anal sex with a man. Such sex can be a way of humiliating a person.[17]

Humiliation in general stimulates the same brain regions that are associated with physical pain, the inference being that humans evolved to remember social rewards and punishments as strongly as they recall physical reward or pain in response to their environment. As with any form of pain experimentation in a sexual context, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication are needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive. For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways but would be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.

Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualised by association with arousal, and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one's sexual degradation.

For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions. For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as faggot and dyke.

As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene. Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are common. Some humiliation roleplay (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish. The desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse, the idea of "getting caught" (as in having sex in the garden or woods), and simulated rape are emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability, and control. However, for most people such ideas remain fantasies; the people would have strong reservations about the fantasies' being made public, or engaged in with a partner in real life, however erotic the idea may be. When someone reveals a fetish to a partner, this usually is a result of great trust. However, the desire to be humiliated may be a motivating cause for confession, in that the act of confessing can itself be humiliating. Many people worry about being ridiculed for their fetishes, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic. Therefore, many people use online humiliation (in which the humiliator and others are involved via the Internet, using chat, e-mail, websites, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.

Online humiliation

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Online humiliation occurs when an individual is seen in a sexually embarrassing context on the Internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world. As the Internet has grown and continues to grow, so does online humiliation. Anecdotal reports indicate that the proportion of men being dominated by women on the Internet, through some type of personal service provided for a fee by the woman, vastly exceeds the instances of a woman being dominated online by a man, or another woman.

Common methods of online humiliation:

These practices can be conducted through chat, webcam, e-mail, BDSM contact websites, and proprietary virtual spaces such as Second Life or FetLife.

See also


  1. ^ Master Marc (22 April 2015). "Erotic Humiliation and Degradation". Deviance and Desire. Archived from the original on 7 October 2022. Retrieved 2 November 2022.
  2. ^ Midori (美登里) (2005). Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink. Educational, Sensual, And Entertaining Essays. Daedalus Publishing. p. 48. ISBN 978-1-881943-22-8.
  3. ^ Giannini, AJ; Colapietro, G; Slaby, AE; Melemis, SM; Bowman, RK (1998). "Sexualization of the female foot as a response to sexually transmitted epidemics: a preliminary study". Psychological Reports. 83 (2): 491–8. doi:10.2466/pr0.83.6.491-498. PMID 9819924.
  4. ^ Gloria G. Brame; William D. Brame; Jon Jacobs (1993). Different Loving.
  5. ^ Adriana (2022-04-18). "128 BDSM Humiliation & Degradation Kink Ideas". Bad Girls Bible. Archived from the original on 2023-06-04. Retrieved 2023-06-04.
  6. ^ Different loving, p. 102.
  7. ^ "Facial". Cosmopolitan. 2016-11-17. Archived from the original on 2023-06-04. Retrieved 2023-06-04.
  8. ^ Schwyzer, Hugo (2012-01-11). "He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why You Think". Jezebel. Archived from the original on 2023-06-04. Retrieved 2023-06-04.
  9. ^ Jamie (2022-08-15). "Pussy Torture: 14 BDSM Pussy Play Ideas - Kink Lovers". Archived from the original on 2023-06-09. Retrieved 2023-06-04.
  10. ^ a b David J. Ley (2012). Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers. pp. 173, 222. ISBN 9781442200319.
  11. ^ A Dictionary of Sexual Language and Imagery in Shakespearean and Stuart Literature. Bloomsbury Academic. 1994. p. 339. ISBN 978-0485113938.
  12. ^ LovePanky, Team (2021-05-04). "Cuckquean Guide: Do You Like Watching Your Man with Someone Else?". LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships. Archived from the original on 2023-05-28. Retrieved 2023-06-04.
  13. ^ St. James, Sindy (2008). How To Get Her To Watch Porn. SecretLifePublishing. pp. 108–110. ISBN 978-0-9818039-5-1. there is an entire fetish surrounding this act, mostly connected with female-dominated relationships. ... The man can or cannot be present while the woman is having sex with another man (it's overwhelmingly heterosexual cuckolding with this fetish). If the man is not present, he might help her choose clothes for her "date," or they might get together afterward so that she can tell him all about it in detail, either while having sex or in addition to withholding sex as part of the female domination aspect of their relationship. If the man is present during the cuckolding, he may or may not be allowed to pleasure himself while watching his partner have sex with another man. Also, the cuckolding may or may not immediately be followed by sex between the couple. Impregnation and Pregnancy Fetish ... you and your partner fantasizing during sex ... that you both just found out she is pregnant... it can involve cuckolding ... When it is a part of the cuckolding fetish, the fantasy involves the "other man" having impregnated her, and his sperm being stronger than yours, and several other kinds of (agreed-to) humiliation.
  14. ^ Wild Side Sex, p. 47.
  15. ^ "[FF] Me and a friend compare boob sizes to see who's is better — NSFW story". 2021-02-15. Archived from the original on 2023-06-04. Retrieved 2023-06-04.
  16. ^ Different loving, p. 517.
  17. ^ "8 Best Sex Positions For Domination, Because With Great Submission Comes Great Responsibility". Archived from the original on 2019-06-08. Retrieved 2019-06-08.